To feel this isn’t appropriate?

[Acrosstheseas]

I was speaking to someone I don’t know very well, only an acquaintance. But she shocked me when she told me this.
She said her and her husband have a girlfriend they share and they’ve explained to their young children that some relationships include more than 2 people…

I’m trying hard not to be judgemental, but does anyone else find this inappropriate?

The children will most likely see this person around, hence it's good to tell them what they're in their house for

For sex. Why do young children need to know that?

What is sexual about having two partners necessarily? More than having one? What do you think of single parents who get a new partner for example?

There's a big difference between a threesome (for sex purposes) and a polyamorous relationship.

No it isn’t.

In many cultures it is normal for men to have more than one wife, and this in turn creates a culture where women are seen as less than men and many of those cultures have their own attitudes to women which the average feminist wouldn’t endorse.

But even in cultures where a man has several wives, those wives are usually independent of one another i.e. the man will spend the night with one wife or the other.

Living in a threesome is no more than having a sexual fetish. And interesting how it is always multiple women with one man, never the other way around.

Equality? i don’t think so.

This is my family set up.

I am married to my husband and we have a female partner. We all live in the same house with our two children.

She has been a part of our life now for 5 years.

We like it. I don’t care what other people think. It works for us

And interesting how it is always multiple women with one man, never the other way around.

If you genuinely think this, you are mistaken.

There are plenty of women out there with either a husband and a boyfriend, or multiple boyfriends at the same time.

My brother's friends are all lesbians. Women. They have been in a three-way relationship for over 15 years. Not a man to be seen.

Many gay men operate in poly relationships.

Maybe they want a four some next time lol.

I don't know about it being appropriate that her kids know, but some people amaze me with the information they give out to people they barely know. I generally steer clear of the ones who have to give you such intimate details when they hardly know you - they're likely to be absolute fucken bores as time goes on.

Bizarre. Why tell the children?

It is probably inappropriate if you now know and start blabbing away to complete strangers. Or if your pal was attempting to bring you in to a relationship and you weren't into it.

I couldn't be bothered having a second relationship. I'd be annoyed if my DH thought he had the time for a second relationship when he really needs to spend his spare time tidying up the almighty mess he makes doing DIY in the garden.

But... no.

Because keeping secrets from kids always goes so well, doesn't it.

I can't believe you would share such lurid details of your sex life life so flippantly... Oh no, wait, you explained your relationship status, same as the other person.
No different to me saying I have a husband and 2 kids.
Amazing how many people here jump to it's all about sex.

What 2 or more consenting adults get up to is up to them provided its within the confines of the law.

The kids don't need to know though. Keep them out of it

Exactly!

I mean, it’s just normal conversation isn’t it?

Are you married? Yes I have a husband. How about you?

Yes, I have a husband too but we also have a female partner too. It’s a throuple.

Done. Some people as more questions which I’m happy to answer. Some just go ooooh ok cool and we move on.

Nothing sordid about it

My uncle is in a relationship like this. Honestly, he's a bit of a knob and as far as I know only he is in the relationship with the 3rd person though. Not sure if that counts as a throuple or not. The 3rd person is truly lovely and sweet and I've never been able to wrap my head around the dynamic.

The whole situation makes me uncomfortable, it's not my cup of tea at all.

You can see the hurt and pain that spills onto these boards from inviting others into a relationship either physically, emotionally, online or whatever... I think it probably takes a particular kind of person and mindset to make it work.

Everyone is different I guess but for most people the concept that one person loves them and is committed to them, has built a life with them, and vice versa, is the ideal that works for them. It's hard to imagine something different working in reality.

Yes I think it's inappropriate.

I might have been a little more live-and-let-live had I not read an article (I think) from a woman who had been really quite affected by her parents poly relationships. She said that her parents had contacted her, asking her to be in a documentary about it and were really angry when she said she would but that she would be being honest about how it fucked her up, having strange people in the home she was just expected to accept as 'mum and dad's girlfriend', she didn't feel safe in her own home, and as a much smaller child she worried that one day the 'girlfriend' would come and make her live with her and she'd have a new mum. She also said that laying the blocks at a very young age meant that as she became a teenager and sexually active herself, her parents just assumed that meant she was now ok with their multiple sexual partners in the house. Not actively having sex, but just there, and obvious why.

So yeah, maybe a prude and 'not my business' but I have an opinion and an immediate judgement just like everyone does.

The op didnt say they were all living together.

I presume the married couple are. The girlfriend might not be we have no details.

How is this anything to do with sharing a sexual preference? It was nothing to do with sex. It's about a relationship.

Telling someone about a relationship you are in is entirely normal and fine. It is much more of a problem when you lie/ act strangely/ try to cover things up.

Tbh I don’t find it inappropriate to share that with an acquaintance, you’d tell an acquaintance that you were married, for example, if it came up in conversation. As long as they didn’t tell you about their sex life then I think saying they are in a thrupple is fine.