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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

208 replies

ohidontknownow · 12/09/2022 07:13

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 12/09/2022 07:14

Talk to the nursery and get their advice.

Original poster
ohidontknownow · 12/09/2022 07:15

MolliciousIntent · 12/09/2022 07:14

Talk to the nursery and get their advice.

Well they say you need to have been trying at home for a couple of weeks before doing that.
We have definitely been trying for much much longer than that !

OP posts:
Albgo · 12/09/2022 07:15

He doesn't sound ready to me. I know you don't want to, but I'd leave it another few months.

Clymene · 12/09/2022 07:16

I don't understand - when you say he holds his pee until he bursts, does he just wet himself?

If so, no you can't send him to nursery without a nappy because he's not dry.

TheEggChair · 12/09/2022 07:16

I'd wait until the half term holidays and do it then. I waited until mine were 3.5 yrs old and it only took a few days.

Itsmeagainyes · 12/09/2022 07:16

He isn't ready, you can actually cause problems by trying to push it. Have a read www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/blog/dangers-early-potty-training

familyissues12345 · 12/09/2022 07:16

Personally I'd say he isn't quite ready, boys often aren't at that age

Original poster
ohidontknownow · 12/09/2022 07:19

Clymene · 12/09/2022 07:16

I don't understand - when you say he holds his pee until he bursts, does he just wet himself?

If so, no you can't send him to nursery without a nappy because he's not dry.

Yeah he literally paces around for ages.. sits on the potty then gets up again. Whinges, touches his crotch and then eventually wets himself.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 12/09/2022 07:20

Are you using pull-ups instead of nappies, so he can pull them down and sit on the potty ?

JacquelineCarlyle · 12/09/2022 07:20

He doesn't sound ready to me. How old is he? Id leave it a while.

Original poster
ohidontknownow · 12/09/2022 07:22

KangarooKenny · 12/09/2022 07:20

Are you using pull-ups instead of nappies, so he can pull them down and sit on the potty ?

He has been in pull ups since he was 18 months.

OP posts:
Beees · 12/09/2022 07:22

Yeah he literally paces around for ages.. sits on the potty then gets up again. Whinges, touches his crotch and then eventually wets himself.

He's not ready! Also as much as you think he just needs to learn all he's actually learning here is that potty training is traumatic and he's making terrible associations which will in turn make it 1000 times harder when he is ready. Honestly just put him back in nappies and back off for a bit before the poor lad gets a uti.

Discovereads · 12/09/2022 07:22

He’s not ready at all. You need to send him in with a nappy.
When he says he needs to go, he’s just saying that to please you which is why nothing comes out when you then take him to the loo. He doesn’t actually know what the urge to go feels like. This is very common in young children, especially boys.
What worked for us was regular trips to the potty to try for a wee when we knew they’d just had a lot to drink and their bladder was likely full. Then the objective is to simply make the potty relaxing and familiar. Give them a book to look at or a Teddy to hold. Sit for a few minutes. Then repeat every hour or so.
Once they have wee’d on the potty, then they’ll start associating certain bodily feelings with the potty and needing a wee. Over time, they then go from knowing the need to wee NOW! This second! To being able to tell when they need to go but can hold a bit, then hold for longer.

Cuckoomonster · 12/09/2022 07:22

Send him in a nappy. My DD did this at the same age and I really wanted her to get it before she started nursery but I stopped and I wanted 3 months and she was like a different child and got it straight away. Honestly I know it's not what you want to hear but you can cause issues around this if you push it when he is not ready. My friend did this and it took her DS months and months to get it whereas my DD got it in 2 days because she was ready.

GiftIdeasAlwaysNeeded · 12/09/2022 07:23

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn.

I've potty trained 3 kinds, and disagree with this. In my experience, if it's not working then they're not ready, and trying to push it just makes it more stressful for you in the long run.

My middle child got up one day, at 3yo, told me she was going to use the potty and that was the end of nappies 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sunnyqueen · 12/09/2022 07:23

If he's holding his wee until he bursts he's going to end up with a uti. I am really not sure what you are getting out of this method tbh.

Clymene · 12/09/2022 07:23

Right in that case you need to send him in wearing a nappy. He isn't remotely potty trained.

He isn't making the connection between the potty and needing to pee. He's not ready.

Superfrog3 · 12/09/2022 07:24

Give him a break from potty training and in a couple of weeks/ months re assess.
Potty training my eldest we did this and he was so much better at going after that break he was just ready ( still had a few accidents but so much better). With my 2nd I just took it so casually potty around the house, followed us to the toilet. He told me for ages he uses a nappy like a baby and he didn't want to go potty and then one day i suggested it and he did it. He was trained in 2 days.

Sceptre86 · 12/09/2022 07:24

I potty trained all of mine during holidays so I was off too and could give them my full support. Also there was no confusing nappy on off situation. I took them to get big girl or big boy pants, we read a book about it, watched a few episodes on YouTube about wearing pants and then just went for it. My son took at week aged 2.5 years but my dd was 3. I did try with my dd at 2.5 years but she just wasn't ready.

lolablink · 12/09/2022 07:25

My DD was the exact same at this age, she showed some signs of being ready but as soon as we tried anything, it would just end in accidents. We waited till she had just turned 3, her communication was much better at this point and it was over xmas so there wasn't the issue with nursery, so we just went for it. After the second day it clicked, and ever since there's been minimal issues, even when sending her back to nursery nappy free. I felt so much pressure to get her out of nappies, a lot of her peers were and you'd get the odd comment of "when will you be potty training". They're all ready at different times, so just wait till your child is fully ready.

Rainallnight · 12/09/2022 07:26

Just adding my voice to the chorus of ‘he’s not ready’

MaryShelley1818 · 12/09/2022 07:26

Poor kid...you are forcing it when he's clearly not ready.
Of course you need to send him in to nursery with nappies - what's the alternative? You just let him wet himself all day?

Twixxed · 12/09/2022 07:26

It sounds like you might have to wait a bit longer. No pressure, regular potty sits (with books, play, etc) might be worth a go to get his used to it. Eric are a really good bladder and bowel charity with tons of info on their website - definitely recommend.

gluenotsoup · 12/09/2022 07:26

I’d put pull ups or nappy on for nursery, explain what your doing and his reaction, and see what they say. They might help in the process. It sounds like he’s just not quite ready, so maybe leave it a little longer tbh. Also- ditch the potty and just use the loo. He probably sees you using the loo, but might not connect it with the potty. Mine wouldn’t use one, straight to the loo.

Bonjovispjs · 12/09/2022 07:28

If it's taking this long then he's not ready, you can have it done in a week or 2 when it's the right time. Kids generally let you know when they're ready by not wanting to sit in a wet/soiled nappy and many kids aren't toilet trained until they're 3, that's normal.

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