Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

[ohidontknownow]

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

I think there is one approach
When the child is ready

Keep him naked at home with potty
Rewards stickers huge rounds of applause
Buy him a crown

I have three children. I like to think I'm fairly balanced and experienced as a parent.

First one potty trained approx 2.5 years old he is now 6 and still wets at night so he is in a pull up because you can't force it. Poo was another story and it took until about 3 for that to click and he wanted to use a nappy.

Second child, walking at 12 months and then potty trained himself as his brother was using the potty, by literally 14 months
He wore nappies in the car on school run until he was around 2. Often home dry, sometimes wet. Spared him his dignity. Now for a year he does not wear a nappy even in the car and we chat and he tells me and he goes in a large neck bottle in the car if there's no toilet

Third one, a baby, she will also be basically naked with a potty and I'm guessing she will follow suit with once she's walking she will want to do a wee in the potty too, if she doesn't, cool. She can take a nappy off and show us when she's interested. Nappies back on and we see what she does when she's ready.

When you rush a kid with the toilet they get anxious and stressed and it's no good.

I always always always always try to keep my kids as calm as possible. They pick up on your frustrations and he will feel ashamed if you force this

I know it's annoying for you, but get him back in nappies leave potties all over and let him work it out himself

I know it's hard being a parent trust me I cry about it a lot and I'm exhausted but honestly the toilet thing is one thing you can't come down heavy on

This will be why you feel shit about it

Tell them to stop asking it's incredibly nosey and your child isn't ready so you are not going to alienate him and make him anxious about it. Then ask them to "change the subject please, to something that is your business"

My DD was failing at the same point as your DS - she was ready, and in principle wanted to use the potty, but would sit on it for ages with no result, only to have a massive "accident" five minutes later. I eventually realised that she was just scared of actually letting go. I said "you do realise that if you're on the potty it won't go all down your legs like when you have an accident", and that seemed to be the problem - the next time she relaxed, and from then on it was absolutely fine. It might be a bit different for a boys, but worth exploring.

I think that's definitely what he is afraid of. He's had so many accidents and he hates it so much. He doesn't realise that when he does it in the potty, it will be much nicer to clean up. He hates nappy changes too.

ITs not about the feeling of wanting or having to go - that is easy to recognise its the letting go bit - its something that I suspect most adults dont even think about @ohidontknownow but if you think you have to relax muscles -it is a decision not something that happens automatically

@cultkid Yes it's why and my husband too. ' oh it's abou time he learns ' ' he just has to learn ' ' you need to keep trying '... my mum often says it as well. ' it's about time he learns ' or when he's unhappy at nappy change, MIL has told him, ' well this is what you have to put up with until you do it in the potty '. Poor darling.

I am not going to try for a while now. I'm exhausted too. Much easier to leave him in nappies for a while and see how it goes.

Yeah that's likely. When he goes in the nappy and I can hear that he is peeing he goes ' MUMMMMYYY ' all shocked. Bless him.

My DP used to put a bit of pressure on me and my take was always that anyone who was mopping up piss and doing the laundry got a say. Otherwise, butt out.

I hear you

I'm sorry they are pressuring you
Show him the thread

You can't force a kid it's frustrating but a kid who's insecure is even worse and also one who smells of wee is insecure too

I'm sorry they are not supportive
Lots of love you've taken a beating with all of the he isn't ready on this thread xx

I've never understood why people are in such a hurry with this. When children are ready they generally pick it up really quick saving lots of hassle for child and parent. Plus nappies are much more convenient for a child that isn't properly dry. What's the point of "training" them earlier than they are ready?

Your problem isn't your son. He's doing fine. Your problem is your husband and wider family. They're putting pressure on you and pressure on him and stressing you both out. This is making your son anxious about the whole process, which is probably half of the problem.

My MIL/mother also potty-trained their own children earlier, but wisely kept their views to themselves when we were potty-training DC except for the odd encouraging remark. And they never said anything to DC... if they had, I would have flipped out. DH had the odd exasperated sigh when DC had an accident that we had to clear up until I made it clear that this wasn't acceptable. There should be no shame, upset or embarrassment around nappies or toileting.

That was why we put the nappy in the potty, once he sat down on the potty with his nappy he was OK, after a couple of weeks we just didn't put the nappy in the potty and he was fine.

He doesn’t sound ready quite yet but it’s good you have tried and I’m sure it’ll come in time but I’d perhaps take a step back and wait for him. I have trained 3 of my children and they each cracked it within 3/4 days from when they decided to use the potty at age 2.5 but I didnt put any pressure on and it wasn’t stressful for either myself or them.

I start off by introducing the potty and just having it around and discussing that’s where we wee and poo.

I get some potty training books in we read together regularly. My kids loved “poo poo bum bum wee wee” because it’s funny and also “pip and posy the little puddle” where we’d discuss the potty and link it to the potty we have in the house.

My kids are constantly stripping off anyway so id let them be bottomless for parts of the day when I thought theyd took to not minding the potty etc I’d say things like “remember if you need a wee, use the potty like pip (character in book)” if I nipped out the room.

With each child they just decided to go and use the potty one day. We had big celebrations when they did and how clever they were. Stickers and chocolate button as a well done (3rd child didn’t even require this).

Any accidents it was just “oh no doesn’t matter, just an accident, try again next time”

Big fuss taking them out to choose “big boy/girl pants/knickers” of their choice.

Once they were comfortable using the potty at home for a couple of days bottomless I’d venture out with them somewhere easy and relaxing wearing clothes and keep reminding them they had their big boy/girl pants on and asking do they need a wee or going for a try.

They were all accident free within a week. Night time the girls were also dry within the week. My son still has accidents now and again.

Lastly don’t take any notice what family / friends say u no ur child best and all children are different but I guarantee he won’t go school in nappies don’t worry, my son was VERY against the potty when I first introduced it, I thought he was going to be a nightmare, he wasn’t at all I was shocked

Same here - my daughter was nearly 3. You’re pushing him when he’s not ready.

My daughter just decided she was going to try it and then that was it. It shouldn’t be as hard as you’re making it. If it’s hard, it not the right time.

Well he didn't seem to want his nappy, so I took it off. He kept doing it, like he was uncomfortable. Why is that such a horrid thing to do ??

Because that's not TT.

You don't just take off his nappy & let him poo wherever. You have a plan for how you'll approach it. If you knew he was going to poo, why handle it like that? Of course it was going to go everywhere if you took off his nappy & let it! And he is old enough to find that distressing.

The 90-minute thing is just odd. It doesn't sound like anything I've heard re kids & TT. I would never have left them there for that time. I'd have watched really carefully & at the moment he was close to going to the toilet, whisked him in there. You seem to be devolving responsibility to your DS all the time.

Eh that's what I was doing for 90 minutes ! What do you think i was doing ? I was interacting with him and watching him. He was pacing around / playing and sitting on the potty occasionally. Did you think he was just sitting on the potty for 90 minutes ?

As for when I took the nappy off, I also placed him on the potty. But it went everywhere. I didn't whipp the nappy off wherever. I'm not a complete idiot.

Average toilet training is much later now than in the past. The government has collected stats on this since the 1950s.

Interesting to know that on a national level. In my local area, at toddler groups etc, it was weirdly competitive as to who was potty training and how young they were - never understood it!

I am not going to try for a while now. I'm exhausted too. Much easier to leave him in nappies for a while and see how it goes.

Yes, it seems like he’s physically ready if he can hold on for ages, but is really anxious about it. Which is hardly surprising with the whole family going on and on and on about it. Tell them in no uncertain terms to back off. Forget about the potty for at least 6 weeks, no mention of it whatsoever from anyone. Try again when your all more relaxed.

When mothers used to have wash cloth nappies without modern washing machines, there was a large incentive to toilet train as soon as possible.

In the same boat as you, my daughter has just turned 3 and is clueless to knowing in time. We tried but haven't pushed it and have gone back to normal nappies instead of pull ups for a few months. I know she'll be older than many but I'd rather her develop elsewhere than fight something she can't yet control

Update on the situation..

I have sent him in without the nappy all week. He has been in nappies at all times at home too.

When he's been at home, I have noticed he gets upset when he has to ' go ' unless he's distracted and then he just does it. But often he walks around whinging and crying a little bit and saying mummy and ' oh no ' and holding his crotch.. not ideal, poor thing.

I try to distract him and then he eventually does it and tells me that he's done a poo poo and can I change his nappy, so I do.

Last night he was again pacing around and complaining ( with a nappy on ) and he was telling me he needs to do a poo poo. So basically, he knows he need to go, but he doesn't know where to go. It's obviously stuck with him that if he does it, then there is a mess. ( because we have been without a nappy so many times now ).. anyhow he was doing it last night so I just took the nappy off and put it on the potty. He didn't want to sit on the potty again at first, but with a little distraction he eventually sat down. In the end he finally did his business on the potty for the first time.

This is positive. But essentially we've ended up in a situation where he is worried about doing his business anywhere now. I think it's because he absolutely hates the mess of it. Has anyone had this situation ? I'm not sure today whether to just push through and encourage him to go on the potty and then he may slowly start to understand it, or whether to ignore it completely and put him back in nappies.

He has obviously developed an issue now where he is worried about doing it either way. So I either teach him to do it in the nappy again ( which I have encouraged, when he's has come to me and said he needs to do poo poo) or I actually show him that in the potty there is no mess. It's a tricky situation we are in !

Can you get a seat and a step for the toilet? Much less messy than the potty.

I have that too. I have had no success in getting him to sit on that at all.

Have you checked that the consistency of his poo is normal? Toddler poop should be pretty well formed, it shouldn't be messy. Do you take him with you when you use the loo? To show him it's not messy?

I think the poo is normal. It just gets messy when he poos in his trousers. I don't want to elaborate. But yes poo is normal.

I take him all the time to the toilet to check out what we do there.