Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

[ohidontknownow]

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

Trained just over 3. No poo issues. In fact I can't think of anyone who's had them, it's always wee causing problems.

That isn’t progress.
Eventually he will be ready.

I trained four, 2 with sn who took longer. All I did was leave the potty in a visible area, let them explore and play with it. They sat on it with the nappy on. Tried using it as a shoe and a hat, and eventually it was used for its purpose. There was no stress or pressure and when they used it correctly I made a big deal with lots of cheers and a clap.

Ime when they are ready it takes less than a week to be able to go outside nappy free.

Ignore the relatives or just tell them children develop at different ages. It’s not like neurotypical children are still in nappies during the day at 10.

Oh and he isn’t confused about it. It’s normal for them to still wear nappies at night and be fully dry during the day.

Pull-ups are generally not that useful, at the early stages of TT. The child will learn that they can wee in the pull up if they choose, as opposed to when they have an accident in pants & get wet, need changing.

They are perfectly useful at a later stage eg when it's mostly working but overnight / car journeys etc.

He's not ready. He is already wearing pull-ups OP says, and they are just a nappy to him.

Ignore them!
Your DC isn't ready and you are going to cause him issues if you keep doing this.

My three basically told us when they were ready which meant we were dry with all of them within a week. You getting stressed about it is going to make him stressed about it which will just make it all harder in the long run.

This is ridiculous. By the age of 3 9 out of 10 are dry during the day according to NHS and it’s perfectly normal. Only one of mine cracked it before 2.5 years and the other 3 have no poo issues.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/potty-training-and-bedwetting/how-to-potty-train/

Might ge stating the obvious here if so please forgive me but what about pull ups for nursery ?

Choose your battles…….
he is not ready!

Try running water when he is on the potty. He probably just doesn’t know how to ‘let go’.

We've always left things "late", according to perceived wisdom, with DS and not seen any negative side effects.

The main reason has been that we have another younger DC and both work FT. I simply couldn't have coped with the routine you've just described.

We trained DS at 3 and a quarter and he was more than ready. He was used to seeing older children use the potty or toilet at nursery and able to tell us what he wanted to do when he wanted to. We'd chosen his big boy pants together and he said when he wanted to make the changeover. We had half a week of accidents and then he was fine.

If you are going to leave it for now, IMHO, I would leave it for a long time. To try again in a month sends mixed messages and also puts him in control.

Do you eat on the toilet?
Years ago there was a campaign to stop forcing bfing being confined to the toilet in public areas. Hygiene was one of the reasons.

When he's ready you will see the difference. It will take a couple of weeks and there will be a steady progress from start. Before then you are wasting your time and causing distress to your child. I'd leave it a few months and have another go. Nothing wrong with nappy free time in the meantime when your home and have the potty available. But wait for him to be ready.

You can’t keep stopping and starting! I’m afraid you have rather fucked it.
Poor child, this will take some undoing!

He's not ready.

Stop and stop completely for a good few months.

Boys can also be a bit slower than girls to get it.

FWIW, my eldest (boy) we tried at 2.5 and he wasn't ready. Tried again a month before he turned 3 and he got it straight away. No poo issues. Some issues with public toilets but I think that was more lockdown and just not having that experience.

My youngest (girl) was showing signs at 2 and we tried but she wasn't quite ready:m. Tried at 2.5 and she was trained in days. She does have poo issues now (almost 4) but they are directly linked to a bout of dehydration requiring hospital treatment. Nothing to do with training.

You're saying it might be how he learns, but have you been just putting him in pants and letting him wet himself over a couple of days to see if it improves? If no improvement, then it's not working and he's not learning. He's just learning that wetting himself is normal. Go back to nappies in that case.

I agree in and out of nappies all the time is confusing. So don't do that - give it a good try for a few days, if there is no improvement at all, go back to nappies full time, try again in a couple of months. One month is likely to be too soon.

Is there a deadline? Or is it only the family members you are worried about? I would ignore them. As soon as he's potty trained they will forget all about what age he was and move onto the next thing, ooh he needs to do/not do this, it doesn't matter. Listen to your child not random judgemental adults who are not even offering to help.

@Rutland2022 do you have anything positive to contribute?

Sounds like you started way too early and it’s caused issues. Why swap to pull ups at 18 months if not trying to start it then?

I would think you need to wait. Some of mine were over 3yo before they were ready and that’s normal. Trying when a kid isn’t ready is a) damaging for them and means the whole thing then takes longer, and b) like trying to flog a dead horse, you won’t get anywhere.

Also, I disagree with some PPs that you've fucked up. You haven't at all - you've had two separate attempts, neither of which were successful. That makes sense and is fine. I would leave it for a longer period, so that you stop stressing and feeling pressure about it. Just take it totally off the table and set a further away point to address it again.

Maybe try for example over Christmas when you'll have a longer break. That's long enough for the pressure to go away. Of course in the meantime, keep showing him the toilet and explaining how you need to go for a wee and letting him see the flush etc and offering him the toilet if he wants to, but leave him in nappies and don't do any pressure, persuading, offering rewards etc. Until Christmas. Then say we're going to have a nappy free day. Offer a reward at this point if you like (single chocolate button or sticker per successful part-wee on the toilet tends to work well). Boys also like weeing standing up. DS1 liked aiming at a cheerio floating in the water - you can also use a ping pong ball (they don't flush, but I didn't want to risk it!)

In the meantime if you feel yourself wanting to say something persuasive or pleading relating to toilet use, try replacing it with the phrase "I know you'll use the toilet when you're ready." It seems to remind ME that they will one day be ready and also shows confidence in them without pressure, which can be counterproductive.

He's not even 3 for goodness sake and you've been doing this for "ages"?

Just stop. Try again next summer

I agree he’s not ready but equally I think the nursery aren’t being very helpful - our nursery said they help with potty training and I literally sent him in in pants two days after he declared he wanted to wear pants (granted that meant he was suddenly ready)

I feel your pain. We have a 3 year old and we tried to potty train a couple of weeks ago. After a few days of zero progress (refusing to sit on the potty, denying he needed a wee and then doing one on the floor approx 30 seconds later), we gave up as it was just stressing him out. We'll leave it a while and then try again, in the meantime, he watches us use the loo and we read books about it. The comparison thing is hard though. We saw his cousin at the weekend who is a year younger and potty trained already. DS has all the signs of being ready to train but is incredibly stubborn so the more we try to push it, the more he digs in.

Interestingly i feel quite differently to the majority here, and both mine were out of nappies (except overnight) by 2 - although hard to tell if that’s something I did or just chance.

I think you’ve got lots of signs there that he’s ready - the pacing and repeatedly sitting down is a good example.

id leave him in pull ups for nursery but ask them to take him to the toilet regularly.

At home id go bare bottom as soon as you get in. When it looks like he needs a wee I’d pop him on the potty, turn on some running water and read him a story to keep him sitting longer. Lots of praise when he goes in the potty. Any time he wets himself put him straight onto the potty (literally mid wee if you can)

Nappy back on again for bed time.

No adult stress about it and no telling off for accidents.

You're making this into something negative and stressful for him. He's just not ready.

Leave the potty out, get some child seats for the toilet, buy some character pants and leave them around and tell him he can wear them when he can start using the toilet/potty for wees and poos. And then lots of praise if he has a go.

What I did withy one at that age was that I made sure he was put on the potty last thing before we left the house. Then took him to nursery at that age with spare clothes. After a few days of a couple of accidents in school he learnt to go sit on the toilet in nursery because the nursery workers took the children at the same time in groups to sit on the toilet at different intervals. He started copying everyone else and was dry within 2 weeks. Worth giving it a go.

He's not ready. Relax. Keep the happy on try again when the holidays start

I'd leave it abit. Mine weren't ready until just after 3. Then it took (I kid you not) 3 days. 1 day with the youngest.