Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

[ohidontknownow]

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

Physically he sounds perfectly ready. Emotionally you may have made your life difficult by leaving it a bit late. Don’t put it off or you’ll have a nightmare over poos. All my friends who’ve potty trained after 2.5 have had poo issues

You need to listen to your child and go at his pace rather then running roughshod and disregarding what he needs

How did I leave it late ?? I started ages ago.

I didn't train until later. No poo issues.

The OP's kid is passing everywhere. He's not ready

Yeah he literally paces around for ages.. sits on the potty then gets up again. Whinges, touches his crotch and then eventually wets himself.

Poor kid, he's not ready. Just leave it for a few months and do it on the school holidays. It will be a breeze when he's actually ready.

@ohidontknownow I did. I let the nursery know, they said they take them to the toilets every half hour when they are not wearing nappies, will they do the same? She came out dry btw!

I sympathise with the family pressure - I used to say things like 'things change, I'm following the current guidelines.' My DS was 3 before he learned. We had to halt our first two attempts but he got it fairly quickly when he was ready.

MN is obsessed with the not ready- consistency is key imo, that’s not to say some kids aren’t more stubborn. But going back to nappies reenforces the msg he gets a choice. When he’s pacing can you sit him on the potty with a tablet and snacks and walk away?

All my friends who’ve potty trained after 2.5 have had poo issues

I trained after 2.5 years. No issues with poos.

The first step to potty training I think is actually knowing how to wee on demand. If they don’t know how to open their bladder (physically- aka send the signal from their brain to the penis) then the rest is futile.
You can teach them this- I told both of mine to just open up and let go and they got it.
For me once they have this then you can start taking them every 30 mins at first and quickly build up to 2 hours (your son clearly has bladder control in that he can hold his wee).

For me I found once they had step 1 done, step 2 could be done in a weekend. Now they are semi sorted. As long as someone takes them to pee every 90 mins to 2 hours they are dry and nursery should be able to cope with that.

The final stage is knowing when you need to go, telling an adult and sometimes being able to hold on long enough to reach a toilet. That last step can sometimes take a little longer (both of mine took a month or so to get this confidently).

I think separating these steps makes it less traumatic. Trying to teach them how to wee, when to wee AND knowing that you have to tell someone in time, hold on and then wee all at once is sometimes a bit much at 2.5.

Yes I also think he’s not ready.

It seems a big deal at the moment that he hasn’t reached that point yet. But you wont even remember when he’s a teenager.

Not holding his wee and wetting himself isn’t progress per se. It’s a sign he’s not ready. One of my kids trained after 2.5, one at 2 and neither had poo issues beyond the first week.

My mother once said: kids have control over only two things. What goes in their mouth, and how fluids leave their body. If you go to war over either of these then you will lose.

He’s definitely not ready, OP. I’ve had 2 boys. DS1 showed signs of interest and it took a few days at 2 years and 3 months, DS was definitely not interested at all at that age. We had a couple more attempts - total failure. I was getting close to despair at his third birthday but nursery staff told me not to try until he seemed ready. One week after his third birthday he woke up and said he didn’t want to wear nappies anymore- and that was it. Not one single accident apart from catching his pants when he hadn’t pushed them down far enough at nursery. It was so easy.
As for relatives’ comments - do not listen to them. Develop some response phrases and repeat them. All of our relatives learned pretty quickly not to keep commenting.

Thought you were supposed to wait until the child gave you cues that they were ready to start potty training.

I do this all the time and he sits himself down even. Then gets up again. Then circles it, sits down again. Never does anything.

by the last two days he actually stopped holding his pee and just wet himself.

That's not progress.

You are really stressing your poor DS. He's not ready, as everyone has told you. And that's fine.

Lots of accidents are to be expected. Bit if he's ready, there'll be other indicators that it's working eg trying to get to the potty / toilet, getting some wees there, even if he gets a bit wet, and generally having awareness of the process.

Your DS is not comfortable without a nappy, and hasn't made the connection he should go in the potty / toilet so holds his wee, then ultimately wets himself.

In a few months his ability to hold his wee will be a very useful one, but for now, the connection isn't there and it's not fair on him

Give it a break & try again in a few months. And stop being influenced by your relatives - any book on toilet training you'll have read says the same thing - wait till they're ready.

My 3 DC did TT at just after 2. That was just the time they were ready, nothing I did, and within a weekend, we'd made good progress. If we hadn't, I'd have stopped.

He’s clearly not ready, and you’re causing unnecessary stress for him, and yourself too, by trying to force him. Of course it’s unreasonable to send him to nursery without a nappy, why should they have to deal with the mess caused by you forcing him into this? It’s not fair on the staff. Leave it a while, it will be much quicker and easier when he’s ready.

Don't be silly.

This is precisely the situation that Pull-Ups were made for.

The ability to pull his pants up and down but with the protection of a nappy in case he wets himself.

I’d send him in Pull-Ups, not a nappy or pants.

And for goodness sake tell nursery what you’re doing so they assist with the training rather than just assuming he’ll need periodic changing like before.

You're not being any progress here. He's not ready.

Stop stopping and starting andn just give it a rest for a while. Their communication changes so much between 2 and 3, he'll be able to understand so much better when he's a bit older. I had a go when mine was 2 yrs 9 months, it was clearly not working, so waited until he was just turned 3. I should probably have waited longer really as it took a week for him to be dry, but then that was it, he was done (other than little accidents).

It's not unusual for boys to take a lot longer than girls - my friend trained her almost 2 year old and almost 4 year old at the same time because he was so resistant and she was clearly ready very young. The girl had more accidents, the boy just got it straight away.

RTFT, he's been in pull-ups for a year.

And don’t worry about his age.

Every child is different and the average age for training is between 2.5 - 3.5 anyway.

When he’s pacing can you sit him on the potty with a tablet and snacks and walk away?

Awful idea.

I never get the idea that you've to provide screen time & snacks for encourage going to the toilet.

It's a biological function. When he's ready, with encouragement, he'll learn what he needs to do easily. No excessive tricks needed.

I do this all the time and he sits himself down even. Then gets up again. Then circles it, sits down again. Never does anything.

Well of course. As he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing. He's not ready.

Ignore this OP, it’s complete nonsense. My DS was in nappies till 3, then potty trained in under a week with less than a handful of wee accidents and no poo accidents at all.