Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

[ohidontknownow]

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

he isnt ready.

With one of mine it took until over 3 but was nailed in 2 days, no accidents! Just able to communicate well,

also no nappies - underpants only!

he kept touching his nappy so I just took it off and poo went everywhere. He was so upset about it.

Why on earth did you do this?

he just did the hovering thing for an hour and a half

For goodness sake! Why did you let that continue? Poor kid.

I think you've got some strange attitudes to this whole area. Be guided by your DC, and re-read the books. But also, use some common-sense. Don't be leaving him 'hovering' for 90 minutes.

@Clymene
Yes I know they're RIGHT,all I'm saying is what my experience was.
It was probably a coincidence but non of mine were deep sleepers, they woke in the night multiple times, youngest who is just out of nappies these last few weeks included, never got a full night's uninterrupted sleep until they were nearly 4 but always had a dry night as soon as they'd started using the toilet.

DD(3.5) has been dry during day for about a year but still wets overnight. She's a super heavy sleeper so I think that's partly to blame! If she does get woken in the night she often goes to pee before going back to sleep but she won't wake up from needing to pee, if that makes sense.

He is old enough
But he sounds not ready. Like,at all

Give up and try again in a month or 2.

Agree wait a bit longer? I didn't feel my son was ready so waited a bit longer and started at 3 1/2. He took to it pretty well actually.

We did bare bottom for 4 days before going into nursery so maybe you need to look at how you work potty training into a longer weekend before he goes back?

Well he didn't seem to want his nappy, so I took it off. He kept doing it, like he was uncomfortable. Why is that such a horrid thing to do ??

As for the 90 minutes.. he was asking to go and kept trying. I thought eventually he would. He was just walking around and occasionally sitting down. He was trying to work it out. But he just didn't. The willingness is there. He's just not sure how to do it.

See I look at it completely the other way round. We ween children at 6 months, we aren’t ramming a spoon down a child’s mouth but enforcing the message that they are of an age where solids are introduced. If they don’t eat one day fine but I won’t remove food until months later when “ready”.

I absolutely did wait until they were ready - by doing baby led weaning. Children get full nutrition from their breast or formula milk way past 6 months. The beginning of weaning is to educate about food, textures and tastes. They don't need to eat the food in the early days because they get what they need from milk. All my DC spent weeks just licking, prodding and exploring the food I prepared. When they were ready they started to swallow it. I never 'rammed a spoon' anywhere near them. They ate what we ate from a young age without issue. I didn't need to impose my adult schedule on them. Same with potty training.

Both mine potty trained around age 2 - 2.5. I took 2 weeks off work to do a stint of no nappy then pant wearing and yes there were lots of accidents but that’s part of the process. I think a week isn’t long enough. In order to stop going backwards, have you tried re-usable nappies? They sense when they are wet unlike the disposable nappies which are comfortable when wet. A lot of people who use reusable nappies just potty train earlier mostly because there’s more motivation for the child. It sounds like it’s getting stressful for you so maybe take some time out, but it also doesn’t sound like your nursery is being very helpful at all. They push for potty training before age 3 at my DCs nursery as by pre-school age they expect them all to be out of nappies. Good luck.

He's not ready. Stop and try again when he's 3 unless he tells you he's ready before then

The overnight dryness is hormone driven. Nothing to do with training or heavy sleeping.

I have tried thick underwear type things. Doesn't make much difference..but I could give that another go, rather than pull ups.

As for the nursery, they're really nice and willing to help. They take him to the potty with the other kids that are potty training, but he doesn't do anything there. Just sits on it. We haven't progressed enough for me to send him without a nappy. He would just wet himself all day.

@FirstAidKitNowPlease I know that! It was in response to the discussion about being heavy sleepers possibly having an impact too.

Like I said, he did tell me the other night he wanted to go and use the potty. But then he didn't do it. I think he wants to. I'll just have a break, no pressure. We have both really given it a go. So at least I know we tried. It's not the right time yet.

The week not being long enough is also a point I've been thinking about. Some posters have said it wasn't progress. But after 3-4 days he stopped holding his pee in and there was more opportunity for me then to show him to do it on the potty. I would watch him like a hawk and then gently move him onto the potty as soon as he started peeing.

As for the books.. I have read a couple and he shows many signs he's ready. I haven't seen anything in the books about kids who try to hold it. Maybe I need another one !

What I'm curious about is that if it's solely hormone controlled, how do bedwetting alarms work?

Readiness for potty training is made up of different factors.

Your child sounds emotionally ready, cognitively ready and has the motor and verbal skills.

What he seems to lack and what no amount of training or intervention can give you and does simply need to wait is the physiological element the learning of actually how to recognise you need to go and how to go - you think of how you need to go you relax the muscles.

WIth both of my it was that that was the missing bit, recognising how to control and use the bladder muscles and what it means. You are right he just isnt sure what to do

Never mind, just read on Eric and it's not always a hormonal thing. For some kids they just don't wake up because their brain and bladder aren't communicating, which is where the alarms come in.

He's not ready.
You're doing this because of peer / family pressure.

I did the same with DS1. He was almost four before he got it (and then many years of accidents). Looking back it was stressful and unnecessary for all concerned, most of all for the child.
I vowed not to make the same mistake with DS2 and refused all suggestions of potty training at 2 and 2.5. I planned to wait until at least three and the start of holidays.
What actually happened at 2.5 is that he said mummy I don't need nappies any more and he took them off and that was it.
Moral of the story is they are all different. Leave it, take the pressure off. It will happen eventually.

My advice. Back to nappies for six months. Then try again.

He isn't ready.

That's interesting because I think he knows what it feels like to go because he literally tells me or makes a noise and signals.

I think he's scared to do it because if he's not in a nappy it makes a mess ( because it's not going in the potty ). But perhaps your theory is right. I would say he's ready physically, but emotionally not ready. But I could be completely wrong.

Average toilet training is much later now than in the past. The government has collected stats on this since the 1950s.

Learning to let go is easier in the bath.

No because he isn't potty trained
And he isn't ready by the sounds of things

Back to nappies or pull ups if you want to try to empower him and wait until he is.

Why should you stress him out with potty training if he is not ready

Obviously he's not ready??