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Original poster

Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

208 replies

ohidontknownow · 12/09/2022 07:13

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 16/09/2022 09:22

Ah I see, yeah that makes sense. Sorry was just spitballing ideas.

Original poster
ohidontknownow · 16/09/2022 09:24

MolliciousIntent · 16/09/2022 09:22

Ah I see, yeah that makes sense. Sorry was just spitballing ideas.

No problem. I really appreciate any ideas. Thank you !

OP posts:
twoandcooplease · 16/09/2022 10:38

Discovereads · 12/09/2022 07:22

He’s not ready at all. You need to send him in with a nappy.
When he says he needs to go, he’s just saying that to please you which is why nothing comes out when you then take him to the loo. He doesn’t actually know what the urge to go feels like. This is very common in young children, especially boys.
What worked for us was regular trips to the potty to try for a wee when we knew they’d just had a lot to drink and their bladder was likely full. Then the objective is to simply make the potty relaxing and familiar. Give them a book to look at or a Teddy to hold. Sit for a few minutes. Then repeat every hour or so.
Once they have wee’d on the potty, then they’ll start associating certain bodily feelings with the potty and needing a wee. Over time, they then go from knowing the need to wee NOW! This second! To being able to tell when they need to go but can hold a bit, then hold for longer.

This is so helpful to know for when I potty train ds

Original poster
ohidontknownow · 16/09/2022 11:15

@Discovereads I completely disagree. He knows when he needs to go. He just doesn't know how to go. He's not just telling me he needs to go to please me, he actually needs to go and knows what it feels like to need to go. It's the actually going that's the issue with him!

OP posts:
antelopevalley · 16/09/2022 13:20

He needs to learn to let go. It is a skill you can practise in the bath. Being in warm water can make it easier to let go.

antelopevalley · 16/09/2022 13:21

Regular trips to the potty used to be how everyone toilet trained at one time. After every meal and snack and drink. You started young so they were not frightened of the potty.

CoastalWave · 16/09/2022 13:28

Sceptre86 · 12/09/2022 07:24

I potty trained all of mine during holidays so I was off too and could give them my full support. Also there was no confusing nappy on off situation. I took them to get big girl or big boy pants, we read a book about it, watched a few episodes on YouTube about wearing pants and then just went for it. My son took at week aged 2.5 years but my dd was 3. I did try with my dd at 2.5 years but she just wasn't ready.

^^ This.

There's no half hearted with potty training - you need to take a week off and just do it. If they're not ready it will be blatantly obvious quite quickly.

Leave it til the next holidays. Potty training takes a week - not a 'while' Focus on dry in the day - forget about training for night, whack on a nappy and start doing an 11pm 'lift' whilst they're half asleep.

Keep him in the house, with you for a full week. It's bloody hard graft but so worth it and doesn't confuse the child. When you finally venture outside on day 5 ish, make the walks/pram rides short, don't take them on a full blown shopping trip. Lots of rewards. Except lots of accidents in first few days. Cold turkey is the best way to do it.

ancientgran · 16/09/2022 20:46

ohidontknownow · 16/09/2022 07:41

Update on the situation..

I have sent him in without the nappy all week. He has been in nappies at all times at home too.

When he's been at home, I have noticed he gets upset when he has to ' go ' unless he's distracted and then he just does it. But often he walks around whinging and crying a little bit and saying mummy and ' oh no ' and holding his crotch.. not ideal, poor thing.

I try to distract him and then he eventually does it and tells me that he's done a poo poo and can I change his nappy, so I do.

Last night he was again pacing around and complaining ( with a nappy on ) and he was telling me he needs to do a poo poo. So basically, he knows he need to go, but he doesn't know where to go. It's obviously stuck with him that if he does it, then there is a mess. ( because we have been without a nappy so many times now ).. anyhow he was doing it last night so I just took the nappy off and put it on the potty. He didn't want to sit on the potty again at first, but with a little distraction he eventually sat down. In the end he finally did his business on the potty for the first time.

This is positive. But essentially we've ended up in a situation where he is worried about doing his business anywhere now. I think it's because he absolutely hates the mess of it. Has anyone had this situation ? I'm not sure today whether to just push through and encourage him to go on the potty and then he may slowly start to understand it, or whether to ignore it completely and put him back in nappies.

He has obviously developed an issue now where he is worried about doing it either way. So I either teach him to do it in the nappy again ( which I have encouraged, when he's has come to me and said he needs to do poo poo) or I actually show him that in the potty there is no mess. It's a tricky situation we are in !

As I said earlier with one of mine the nappy in the potty was the thing that worked. It is obviously some psychological thing but we let them do it for a few weeks and it really worked. Was wonderful when we could take the nappy away.

With mine we got rid of the nappy for wees first but he asked for it when he wanted a poo. Eventually they were fine without the nappy. The nice thing was I could buy dead cheap nappies, cheap brand small nappies to line the potty, so it wasn't so expensive. I didn't have much money at the time and was desperate to stop buying nappies.

I'd keep trying with the nappy in the potty and it probably won't be long till you've got it sorted.

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