Shall I just send him in without a nappy ?

[ohidontknownow]

We've been potty training for a while.

I've followed some books which get you to try bare bottomed for a few days and then move on to wearing leggings etc. We have tried this a few times now. Once for almost a week. Then waited a few weeks and tried again for a weekend.

The result is always the same.. he doesn't want to go in the potty or toilet and holds his pee until he bursts.

Then Monday comes around and I need to send him to nursery and I put a nappy back on him because he needs to go to nursery and I feel like he's not ready to be sent with no nappy because he hasn't progressed.

I think it's confusing for him, sometimes he has a nappy, other times he doesn't. Shall I just ditch them ? He will learn eventually that way.

He knows how to say he needs to go, tells me he needs to go- before he goes. It's just that last final bit of actually going that he is struggling with.

I know people will say he's not ready etc. But I think he just needs to learn. He's between 2 and a half and 3 years old now. I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues. Maybe he just needs to push through and the fact that we keep going back to nappies is the problem.

Any advice appreciated, thanks.

I tried for a week with my daughter when under 2.5, she couldn't let go of the wee. She would be naked and hold on for hours, then as soon as pants went on or she got distracted, she would wee.

She's 3 next week, and we're very slowly trying again (at the moment, just at home, started with first wee of the day). It took a few days to click, but she had a day of a desperate wee going in the potty, then she seemed to get how to let go, and we've had 4 days this week of a morning half naked at home, all wees on the potty. She needed a bit more time, she's easily distracted and the type of child who can look at a screen for hours if you let her.

My next step will be a couple more naked home days, then try to introduce pants when she knows what the feeling is like. We're cracking it at home before trying at nursery- our last nursery attempt ended up with 7 pairs of wet trousers in 1 day.

We had an abortive attempt about 2y4m where she wouldn't even sit on the potty or toilet without screaming. Then at 2y6m she just sat on the potty and did a wee, and within three days was 90% dry. So things can change quite rapidly I think. In another couple of months, he might just 'get' it

If he's not really made any progress I wouldn't send to nursery in pants, because nursery tends to make them go back a bit before they get as reliable as home (different environment, lots going on, toilet setup different, etc.) and if he hasn't got it sussed at home, it's unlikely he will do any better at nursery. It's also not really fair to nursery staff IMO, who are there to support potty training but not do it from scratch. They don't have the time to be watching every child closely for signs they need to go; they do require some level of communication and willingness about it from the child.

I think I would want my child to be at least 80% reliable at home before sending to nursery in pants. DD was about 95% reliable at home before she went back to nursery, but the first week she still had 3/4 accidents a day as she got used to a different place.

Why are you relying on him telling you? You need to remind him/tell him he needs to go...

The fact that he can and is choosing to hold it means physically he has bladder control and is ready.

So you need to work on why he doesn't want to go in the potty - its psychological. He is not "not ready" at between 2.5 & 3 if he has bladder control, he's just developed some negative associations/habits you need to undo.

Have you tried the approaches on Eric.com where you first ask them to sit or stand over the potty to pee but with their nappy on. Progress to sitting, then a few days later, undo one side of the nappy. A few days later, undo both. Then work in having a loose nappy in the potty and gradually cut it smaller and smaller until you can replace it with some loo roll.

Im not. I was just illustrating that he tells me.

I don't understand why people advocate for just pushing on when the child is clearly not ready? You win no medals, and like one poster says - by the time they are older and have it nailed you don't remember anyway! Well actually, you might remember what a nightmare it was. Barring special needs, no child is going to grow up not knowing how to use the toilet just because their parent decided to do it at 3 or 3 and a half in a week instead of persevering from age 2 to age 3!

I also tried two or three times from age 2. All three of mine were done at age 3 in less than a week. Overnight took a lot longer for 2 of them.

We didn't potty train DS at all. We had a potty, he was welcome to sit on it (he seemed to find it a comfortable seat!) but it was never pushed on him. He was in nappies (later in pull-ups) until nursery took me aside one day (he was maybe 3 and 3 months or so) and said he had gone to the toilet consistently during the day so they hadn't needed to change his pull-up, in case I was wondering... So that evening he tried on the special big boy pants that had been waiting for him (Paw Patrol) and went to the toilet from then on. We did still put him in a pull-up at night just in case (mostly to not have to deal with a wet bed on a weekday when we were both working full time - it would have fallen to me and I was already run ragged) but it was almost always dry in the morning. My exH forgot to put it on him one night and there were no accidents, so that was that! The only accidents he has had have been when he's been ill or exceptionally tired and just didn't wake in time, maybe three occasions in total in the last 4 years.

Conversely, I have three friends with sons the same age as DS who actively potty trained at 2-2.5, and two of them still have enough accidents at night that they don't go for sleepovers, and the third is better but still has a few accidents every month. The first two have a variety of aids (mats with alarms, being woken by a parent to go) and reward charts but it's still going on. Just anecdotal and of course not everyone who potty trains is too early or has accidents! I remember feeling guilty and like we were being lazy when my friends were being so proactive, but I had too much on my plate (hence DS's father becoming an ex!) to manage potty training on top, and it turned out well in the end - luck!

Long story short - it sounds like your child isn't ready and you're just creating work for yourself, so in your shoes I would stop for now and see what happens over the next few months.

Just FYI @TravellingJack night dryness doesn't have anything to do with potty training, it's hormonal. You basically just lucked out with your DS, it's v common for kids to be dry in the day but wet at night for years, up to age 7 or 8.

What made you try in the first place? Was he showing any of the normal signs he was ready or did you just decide that it was time due to his age (which i'm guessing was much closer to 2 at the time)? DS showed absolutely no signs at just turned 3 so DD was farmed out for the weekend and all focus from DH and I was on him. DS caught on by the end of the weekend and had very few accidents. He did however need pull ups at night until almost 5 which I believe is a different issue completely and not trainable. DD was 2y2m when she had a day at home and decided it was time for her to use the potty so just took herself off a few times. I decided to just go with it and she was great at nursery the next day with no nappy. We had mixed days for a while, overall it was still more successful than not but she took much longer to be completely dry and accident free during the day than DS was however was dry overnight only a few months after that. They are all different and take to things at different times and in different ways. I really wouldn't try again in your shoes unless there were either very clear signs or he turns 3.

My daughter was just over 3 when she potty trained. Dry on the first day, and dry through the night within 3 days. Some of her friends started much earlier, just after their second birthday and they have had lots of set backs, regression and still not dry through the night. I'm definitely pro waiting until they are ready. It worked perfectly for us

I'd wait until the Christmas holidays and try then, but for the time being put him back into nappies, get rid of the pull ups if you're going to be using them as pants whilst toilet training.
When you do try again get him some big boy pants and take him every 20 minutes.
Distract him when he's sitting on the toilet, I normally use a bubble wand. If he's ready, by the end of the week he'll be a pro.

What do you class as a poo issue?

And I know everyone says night dryness is hormonal but with each of my 5 as soon as I started toilet training, by day 3 they were dry through the night as well.
With each of them I waited until just before their 3rd birthday to start except with my eldest who was around 2and a half but he took longer to train.

You will most likely have to hold off for a bit .nursery staff won't be best pleased if you send him in without a nappy on .boys sometimes take a while. Relax and take the pressure off for now

The reason people push it is because sitting in pee and poo in a nappy is not pleasant for a child, not to mention it's far less hygienic overall.

Not to mention the environmental issues associated with modern nappies, and the costs of buying them.

Of course we should all be targeting having children out of them as soon as reasonably possible.

My DS didn't use a potty. He wanted to do standing up wee in the toilet. Have you tried this instead?

Oh perlease we all use tricks: sticker charts for behaviour, aeroplane noises for food- it’s not like every snack will be on the potty it’s just to get him to relax and not to worry about focusing on the potty.

Sh05 night dryness is nothing to do with your day time approach. It's more associated with a) whether your child produces the hormone that concentrates urine at night b) whether your child is a deep sleeper.

My two were potty trained at 2 but neither reliably dry at night until 4, they are deep sleepers.

Everyone is right. Like proper science right

I don't want to wait another six months and have the same issues.

Then you'll just have 6 months of dealing with piss incidents. He's not ready. Been there, done that. Much better to wait a bit. What's the hurry?

Mummyh2016
Poo issue = poo withholding. Pretty much every child I know who has been potty trained later (age 3+) has had this to some degree and really struggled to poo in anything other than a nappy. Psychologically children form habits and they can be very fixated upon the need to poo in nappies if they carry on doing that at an older age.

SIL thought it was best to 'push through' with DN aged 2.4. She was still having accidents when she started school.

If mine weren't showing signs of getting it by day three or four we went back to nappies for a couple of months and just sitting on the potty at bath time if they wanted.
All four of them were dry within a fortnight once ready.

Sounds like he isn't ready. DD is 3 next week any only just completed potty training. She wasn't ready when we tries earlier and she told me she wasn't because in her words "I can't be bothered". Then she went into pre school early and a younger friend potty trained and it just clicked for her then. She loves it now, we just have night times in pull up because we still have accidents then but (fingers crossed) no major accidents now during the day

People saying he is ready because he can hold himself are missing the point that children need to be ready physically AND emotionally. I have trained my 3 DC and simply waited until they showed the key signs, such as taking themselves off to a corner when pooing in the nappy etc. I then introduced a potty and asked if they'd like to try sitting on (particularly at bath time). If they didn't, I'd simply say, 'ok, maybe next time.' What is the point of forcing them? Child led is a kinder and less stressful approach for everyone. Eventually all of mine asked to use it or asked to wear pants or showed some signal we should start. All were trained within 2 weeks with very little stress. They all trained between 2 yrs 10 months and 3 yrs 2 months.

I have never understood the pressure to have children trained earlier and earlier. What does it matter, as long as they are trained by school?

Wait until the next time you have a solid 2 weeks off with no plans before trying again. Christmas?

Bare bottom doesnt work imo. Pants and trousers and let him feel how uncomfortable it is to be wet in them. Dont make plans to go anywhere where you need to put a nappy back on.

Make a big deal of it, let him pick his new pants, potty and rewards. Dance about like an idiot every time he pees in the potty and you can put a star on the chat together.