AIBU?
To have a party this weekend even if the Queen dies
HmAndAh · 08/09/2022 15:32
We have been planning the garden party for two months, 30+ people invited for this Saturday. Now with the news on TV about Queen's health we are unsure whether we should cancel it, and what to do if the sad news happens tomorrow or Saturday.
Would you find it appropriate to come to the big party in case of the Queen dies on the day?
YANBU - proceed with the event as planned.
AIBU - cancel the party, it will be inappropriate and awkward
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:39
Againstmachine · 08/09/2022 17:29
I hope they don’t cancel the sport this weekend. But I’ve got a feeling that there will be some hysteria and people/companies/leagues will feel obliged to cancel stuff. It will impact the economy. I don’t know what good that would do.
And wouldn't be good for people who work those events relying on those wages.
Definitely, and a lot of people doing those kind of roles are casual, hourly rates etc. The thought of them having to miss out on money they might really need because of some ludicrous conception of respect is awful.
vera99 · 08/09/2022 17:40
It will never be like Thailand though where they lost their King who reigned for 70 years - all bars were closed for a month everybody wore black for nearly a year and woe betide anybody not going with the flow they were beaten, arrested or worse. They had a year of national mourning before burning him in a huge replica palace.
larry4PM · 08/09/2022 17:42
If it's a party in a garden, go ahead. Especially if it's for an actual event, like someone's birthday or wedding anniversary.
If, for some bizarre reason, it's a Royal-themed garden party where everyone wears Queen Elizabeth masks, no.
If anyone understands that life goes on, it's the Queen. I genuinely think she cares about her subjects. Unlike the politicians, who care about no one, and would always throw a party at any time, anyway.
DappledThings · 08/09/2022 17:42
vera99 · 08/09/2022 17:40
It will never be like Thailand though where they lost their King who reigned for 70 years - all bars were closed for a month everybody wore black for nearly a year and woe betide anybody not going with the flow they were beaten, arrested or worse. They had a year of national mourning before burning him in a huge replica palace.
I would totally get on board with interest in the Queen dying if it meant a massive Buck Palace burning replica funeral. That would be amazing.
Not so much the enforced mourning though.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:52
StoneofDestiny · 08/09/2022 17:48
Royals mean nothing to me so I'd cancel nothing if one of them died - bizarre that there would be any sort of 'forced' mourning. What on Earth would be gained by shutting things down. What next - mourning jet jewellery?
I can absolutely guarantee that when she does go, be that today or some other time in the future, there will be all kinds of mourning memorabilia available to buy. Someone always cashes in.
StoneofDestiny · 08/09/2022 17:52
The irony - this government partied while our older citizens died off in great numbers in their care homes, many well before their time, - yet here we are discussing whether the country shuts down for the inevitable consequence of an old lady dying in her 90's.
WatermelonSugarSigh · 08/09/2022 17:58
SunnyD44 · 08/09/2022 17:54
Even if it was a family member then I’d still go ahead.
Just because someone dies, doesn’t mean life should stop.
And I actually think living life to the full and having fun is a much better way to celebrate someone’s memory than being down and miserable.
Yep. My gran died two days before my wedding, still had to go ahead with it.
I reckon she could tell he was a tosser and found her way of getting out of attending 😁
merryhouse · 08/09/2022 17:58
I remember when Diana died. There was a load of stuff on the news about all the wailing and tributes outside KP, but I don't recall anybody cancelling anything.
Admittedly I wasn't being invited to parties every week but things just seemed to go on as normal, maybe with a slightly less varied conversation for a bit.
(H watched the funeral. I didn't bother. Elton massacred a decent song.)
giveovernate · 08/09/2022 18:04
merryhouse · 08/09/2022 17:58
I remember when Diana died. There was a load of stuff on the news about all the wailing and tributes outside KP, but I don't recall anybody cancelling anything.
Admittedly I wasn't being invited to parties every week but things just seemed to go on as normal, maybe with a slightly less varied conversation for a bit.
(H watched the funeral. I didn't bother. Elton massacred a decent song.)
I remember my DS1 being invited to a bouncy castle party on the day of her funeral, still went ahead!
Ketanne · 08/09/2022 18:10
I would go ahead. I haven't really been following the story, I've just found out she is seriously unwell due to another thread on here.
Apart from the the fact it is sad that a person died, I won't be upset when the Queen does die, I don't know many who will. I won't be happy about it, just ambivalent.
OfficiallyBroken · 08/09/2022 18:12
If your maiden name was Markle you'll definitely be roasted in every imaginable media outlet...otherwise I'd go ahead with your plans.
If anyone is exceptionally sad about the Queen they probably won't come.
I attended a long planned party on the day of Princess Diana's funeral - the world didn't end and we weren't dragged over hot coals.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 18:50
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:38
I had a feeling you'd start tone policing once it was pointed out that you absolutely had said most people feel like you do. There was nowhere else for you to go after that direct quote.
So let's take this opportunity to point out: this is a thread asking for views about whether to cancel a garden party, on a forum whose selling point is a robust exchange of views. Which you clearly understand, given your comments about this being predictable on MN. You have said various things that many of us find ridiculous and that some would even consider offensive, and now appear to think you have some kind of moral high ground in flouncing because you didn't like what you read. That'll be a no.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 17:27
Sorry but piss off with 'deranged'.
Since (and I've not thrown any derogatory words at anyone on the thread) you are incapable of being respectful on the thread I'm not surprised what I am saying flies totally over your head as a principle.
Let me state again for clarity:
I accept completely that people feel differently.
I completely understand avowed Republicans feeling differently. Being Republican is a consistent view.
I was, I thought, stating a different opinion and trying(!) to have a discussion teasing out why others feel differently and trying to also understand the etiology of my own feelings which I was struggling to articulate. My point on nationalism was in response to someone saying they have ZERO feelings of nationalism.
But as is predictable on MN, it's not possible to have a nice discussion where we disagree, but have respect for each other.
I shall desist before it becomes nasty.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:02
You wrote 'Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral.' There's no ambiguity there.
Also, it's not you feeling respect for a monarch passing that's batshit. It's the idea that other people are being disrespectful for having a party in the wake of her death that's deranged. The part where it goes beyond your own feelings and behaviours and causes you to have expectations that others shouldn't engage in normal human behaviour because of a view you happen to hold.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:58
I clearly didn't say it was representative of 'most' people.
I do think it more representative than is being made out.
Slightly off topic, I don't see how feeling respect for a monarch passing is 'batshit' etc. Although I do understand people who are republican with a consistent view, as some have expressed.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:54
I didn't say you were alone. I remember the Princess Diana aftermath too, though obviously the millions of people who weren't remotely bothered were much less visible than those who went to the palace etc.
There is however a substantial gulf between having met other people with your views and your of necessity limited experience being representative of most people. Don't put two and two together and make five.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:49
Nope not from just the people I know and I'm not half Irish.
But then I travelled to Kensington Palace when Diana died and laid flowers. I remember the feeling around that.
I'm definitely not alone out there, regardless of what your friends may think.
I would expect there to be very many upset people.
Out of respect I wouldn't be partying at a generic do. A wedding though, maybe as it's very specific and a good situation to raise a glass.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:44
Nope. I'm dual British and Irish though, and I suspect when you say most people you're extrapolating from the people you know. Most of my circle would think your stance was batshit. Takes all sorts though obv!
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:35
Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral. It's tends to lurk in the background and come to the fore at certain moments. I'm not talking about huge nationalistic 'we are the greatest' sort of thing
It's the nation's Sovereign.
I'm clearly really alone here!😕
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:31
It probably is about respect for her and nationalism yeah, as I have neither and find your view incomprehensible. If I found out one of my neighbours was unhappy at me hosting a party because the queen had just died I would genuinely wonder if they were on drugs.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:06
I'm going to disagree and say it will be in bad taste.
I can't quite articulate how I feel properly in words, but i would find it disrespectful as a guest and would likely decline. And I wouldn't want to hear my neighbours celebrating in their garden at a national period of mourning.
Even if you don't like the Queen I think it ultimately is about respect. And maybe a teenie amount of nationalism.
A robust exchange of views is certainly what MN is about. Something I like and respect.
Being nasty and rude is not.
You can try and conflate those things to justify your nastiness all you like.
It's a sad day. I am a little more sensitive to deliberate goadiness than normal.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 18:50
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:38
I had a feeling you'd start tone policing once it was pointed out that you absolutely had said most people feel like you do. There was nowhere else for you to go after that direct quote.
So let's take this opportunity to point out: this is a thread asking for views about whether to cancel a garden party, on a forum whose selling point is a robust exchange of views. Which you clearly understand, given your comments about this being predictable on MN. You have said various things that many of us find ridiculous and that some would even consider offensive, and now appear to think you have some kind of moral high ground in flouncing because you didn't like what you read. That'll be a no.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 17:27
Sorry but piss off with 'deranged'.
Since (and I've not thrown any derogatory words at anyone on the thread) you are incapable of being respectful on the thread I'm not surprised what I am saying flies totally over your head as a principle.
Let me state again for clarity:
I accept completely that people feel differently.
I completely understand avowed Republicans feeling differently. Being Republican is a consistent view.
I was, I thought, stating a different opinion and trying(!) to have a discussion teasing out why others feel differently and trying to also understand the etiology of my own feelings which I was struggling to articulate. My point on nationalism was in response to someone saying they have ZERO feelings of nationalism.
But as is predictable on MN, it's not possible to have a nice discussion where we disagree, but have respect for each other.
I shall desist before it becomes nasty.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:02
You wrote 'Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral.' There's no ambiguity there.
Also, it's not you feeling respect for a monarch passing that's batshit. It's the idea that other people are being disrespectful for having a party in the wake of her death that's deranged. The part where it goes beyond your own feelings and behaviours and causes you to have expectations that others shouldn't engage in normal human behaviour because of a view you happen to hold.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:58
I clearly didn't say it was representative of 'most' people.
I do think it more representative than is being made out.
Slightly off topic, I don't see how feeling respect for a monarch passing is 'batshit' etc. Although I do understand people who are republican with a consistent view, as some have expressed.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:54
I didn't say you were alone. I remember the Princess Diana aftermath too, though obviously the millions of people who weren't remotely bothered were much less visible than those who went to the palace etc.
There is however a substantial gulf between having met other people with your views and your of necessity limited experience being representative of most people. Don't put two and two together and make five.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:49
Nope not from just the people I know and I'm not half Irish.
But then I travelled to Kensington Palace when Diana died and laid flowers. I remember the feeling around that.
I'm definitely not alone out there, regardless of what your friends may think.
I would expect there to be very many upset people.
Out of respect I wouldn't be partying at a generic do. A wedding though, maybe as it's very specific and a good situation to raise a glass.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:44
Nope. I'm dual British and Irish though, and I suspect when you say most people you're extrapolating from the people you know. Most of my circle would think your stance was batshit. Takes all sorts though obv!
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:35
Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral. It's tends to lurk in the background and come to the fore at certain moments. I'm not talking about huge nationalistic 'we are the greatest' sort of thing
It's the nation's Sovereign.
I'm clearly really alone here!😕
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:31
It probably is about respect for her and nationalism yeah, as I have neither and find your view incomprehensible. If I found out one of my neighbours was unhappy at me hosting a party because the queen had just died I would genuinely wonder if they were on drugs.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:06
I'm going to disagree and say it will be in bad taste.
I can't quite articulate how I feel properly in words, but i would find it disrespectful as a guest and would likely decline. And I wouldn't want to hear my neighbours celebrating in their garden at a national period of mourning.
Even if you don't like the Queen I think it ultimately is about respect. And maybe a teenie amount of nationalism.
A robust exchange of views is certainly what MN is about. Something I like and respect.
Being nasty and rude is not.
You can try and conflate those things to justify your nastiness all you like.
It's a sad day. I am a little more sensitive to deliberate goadiness than normal.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 18:51
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:38
I had a feeling you'd start tone policing once it was pointed out that you absolutely had said most people feel like you do. There was nowhere else for you to go after that direct quote.
So let's take this opportunity to point out: this is a thread asking for views about whether to cancel a garden party, on a forum whose selling point is a robust exchange of views. Which you clearly understand, given your comments about this being predictable on MN. You have said various things that many of us find ridiculous and that some would even consider offensive, and now appear to think you have some kind of moral high ground in flouncing because you didn't like what you read. That'll be a no.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 17:27
Sorry but piss off with 'deranged'.
Since (and I've not thrown any derogatory words at anyone on the thread) you are incapable of being respectful on the thread I'm not surprised what I am saying flies totally over your head as a principle.
Let me state again for clarity:
I accept completely that people feel differently.
I completely understand avowed Republicans feeling differently. Being Republican is a consistent view.
I was, I thought, stating a different opinion and trying(!) to have a discussion teasing out why others feel differently and trying to also understand the etiology of my own feelings which I was struggling to articulate. My point on nationalism was in response to someone saying they have ZERO feelings of nationalism.
But as is predictable on MN, it's not possible to have a nice discussion where we disagree, but have respect for each other.
I shall desist before it becomes nasty.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:02
You wrote 'Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral.' There's no ambiguity there.
Also, it's not you feeling respect for a monarch passing that's batshit. It's the idea that other people are being disrespectful for having a party in the wake of her death that's deranged. The part where it goes beyond your own feelings and behaviours and causes you to have expectations that others shouldn't engage in normal human behaviour because of a view you happen to hold.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:58
I clearly didn't say it was representative of 'most' people.
I do think it more representative than is being made out.
Slightly off topic, I don't see how feeling respect for a monarch passing is 'batshit' etc. Although I do understand people who are republican with a consistent view, as some have expressed.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:54
I didn't say you were alone. I remember the Princess Diana aftermath too, though obviously the millions of people who weren't remotely bothered were much less visible than those who went to the palace etc.
There is however a substantial gulf between having met other people with your views and your of necessity limited experience being representative of most people. Don't put two and two together and make five.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:49
Nope not from just the people I know and I'm not half Irish.
But then I travelled to Kensington Palace when Diana died and laid flowers. I remember the feeling around that.
I'm definitely not alone out there, regardless of what your friends may think.
I would expect there to be very many upset people.
Out of respect I wouldn't be partying at a generic do. A wedding though, maybe as it's very specific and a good situation to raise a glass.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:44
Nope. I'm dual British and Irish though, and I suspect when you say most people you're extrapolating from the people you know. Most of my circle would think your stance was batshit. Takes all sorts though obv!
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:35
Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral. It's tends to lurk in the background and come to the fore at certain moments. I'm not talking about huge nationalistic 'we are the greatest' sort of thing
It's the nation's Sovereign.
I'm clearly really alone here!😕
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:31
It probably is about respect for her and nationalism yeah, as I have neither and find your view incomprehensible. If I found out one of my neighbours was unhappy at me hosting a party because the queen had just died I would genuinely wonder if they were on drugs.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:06
I'm going to disagree and say it will be in bad taste.
I can't quite articulate how I feel properly in words, but i would find it disrespectful as a guest and would likely decline. And I wouldn't want to hear my neighbours celebrating in their garden at a national period of mourning.
Even if you don't like the Queen I think it ultimately is about respect. And maybe a teenie amount of nationalism.
A robust exchange of views is certainly what MN is about. Something I like and respect.
Being nasty and rude is not.
You can try and conflate those things to justify your nastiness all you like.
It's a sad day. I am a little more sensitive to deliberate goadiness than normal.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 18:51
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:38
I had a feeling you'd start tone policing once it was pointed out that you absolutely had said most people feel like you do. There was nowhere else for you to go after that direct quote.
So let's take this opportunity to point out: this is a thread asking for views about whether to cancel a garden party, on a forum whose selling point is a robust exchange of views. Which you clearly understand, given your comments about this being predictable on MN. You have said various things that many of us find ridiculous and that some would even consider offensive, and now appear to think you have some kind of moral high ground in flouncing because you didn't like what you read. That'll be a no.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 17:27
Sorry but piss off with 'deranged'.
Since (and I've not thrown any derogatory words at anyone on the thread) you are incapable of being respectful on the thread I'm not surprised what I am saying flies totally over your head as a principle.
Let me state again for clarity:
I accept completely that people feel differently.
I completely understand avowed Republicans feeling differently. Being Republican is a consistent view.
I was, I thought, stating a different opinion and trying(!) to have a discussion teasing out why others feel differently and trying to also understand the etiology of my own feelings which I was struggling to articulate. My point on nationalism was in response to someone saying they have ZERO feelings of nationalism.
But as is predictable on MN, it's not possible to have a nice discussion where we disagree, but have respect for each other.
I shall desist before it becomes nasty.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 17:02
You wrote 'Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral.' There's no ambiguity there.
Also, it's not you feeling respect for a monarch passing that's batshit. It's the idea that other people are being disrespectful for having a party in the wake of her death that's deranged. The part where it goes beyond your own feelings and behaviours and causes you to have expectations that others shouldn't engage in normal human behaviour because of a view you happen to hold.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:58
I clearly didn't say it was representative of 'most' people.
I do think it more representative than is being made out.
Slightly off topic, I don't see how feeling respect for a monarch passing is 'batshit' etc. Although I do understand people who are republican with a consistent view, as some have expressed.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:54
I didn't say you were alone. I remember the Princess Diana aftermath too, though obviously the millions of people who weren't remotely bothered were much less visible than those who went to the palace etc.
There is however a substantial gulf between having met other people with your views and your of necessity limited experience being representative of most people. Don't put two and two together and make five.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:49
Nope not from just the people I know and I'm not half Irish.
But then I travelled to Kensington Palace when Diana died and laid flowers. I remember the feeling around that.
I'm definitely not alone out there, regardless of what your friends may think.
I would expect there to be very many upset people.
Out of respect I wouldn't be partying at a generic do. A wedding though, maybe as it's very specific and a good situation to raise a glass.
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:44
Nope. I'm dual British and Irish though, and I suspect when you say most people you're extrapolating from the people you know. Most of my circle would think your stance was batshit. Takes all sorts though obv!
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:35
Do you truly have no hidden remnants of nationalism? Most people do even if they are generally neutral. It's tends to lurk in the background and come to the fore at certain moments. I'm not talking about huge nationalistic 'we are the greatest' sort of thing
It's the nation's Sovereign.
I'm clearly really alone here!😕
PerfectlyPreservedQuagaarWarrior · 08/09/2022 16:31
It probably is about respect for her and nationalism yeah, as I have neither and find your view incomprehensible. If I found out one of my neighbours was unhappy at me hosting a party because the queen had just died I would genuinely wonder if they were on drugs.
DysonSphere · 08/09/2022 16:06
I'm going to disagree and say it will be in bad taste.
I can't quite articulate how I feel properly in words, but i would find it disrespectful as a guest and would likely decline. And I wouldn't want to hear my neighbours celebrating in their garden at a national period of mourning.
Even if you don't like the Queen I think it ultimately is about respect. And maybe a teenie amount of nationalism.
A robust exchange of views is certainly what MN is about. Something I like and respect.
Being nasty and rude is not.
You can try and conflate those things to justify your nastiness all you like.
It's a sad day. I am a little more sensitive to deliberate goadiness than normal.
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