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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband pisses himself when drunk

210 replies

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:23

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 27/08/2022 23:25
Hmm
Coyoacan · 27/08/2022 23:26

Yeap, I can understand your frustration. Why would he still want to drink when those are the consequences?

Greensleeves · 27/08/2022 23:27

No judgement from me, I just feel so bad for you Sad

I wouldn't continue with a problem drinker like this, and I don't think you need to feel guilty about removing your children from him either - if he was any sort of father, he would have got his drinking under control years ago. My DH would rather die than let his children see him in that condition, but yours is quite happy to put the whole family through this disgusting, heartbreaking, frightening humiliation time and time again. The aggression from him is even worse, in front of the children as well - nope, I wouldn't take one more day of it. I'm so sorry you and your children have had to put up with this. Flowers

dementedpixie · 27/08/2022 23:27

It's not you getting so drunk you can't control your bladder sonwhy should you feel bad. How often is this happening?

Pixiedust1234 · 27/08/2022 23:28

What does your dh say when he's sober? I hope you make him clean it up the next day too.

Uselesswithusernames · 27/08/2022 23:28

I’m paying more attention to the fact he got drunk and shoved you. Not okay! Hope this doesn’t come across as rude, but if it’s as regular as you say, may he have a drinking problem?

Original poster
Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:29

I’d say it happens every few months but him getting drunk with friends seems to be every month.Last time he did it he swore he wouldn’t drink that much it’d happen again but I knew it would.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 27/08/2022 23:29

When he was sober I'd tell him I had filmed it. Seriously though I couldn't live with that. Son had a flatmate who would wee and pooh when drunk in bed and on the floor. I just have no words. He's not a child

Wolfiefan · 27/08/2022 23:30

You can’t control his drinking. Only your reaction. Your kids deserve better than this. Make plans to end it.

Original poster
Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:30

He tries to justify it at first but then when he realises he’s apologetic and swears he will try harder etc etc the usual.
ive had problems with this a lonnnggggg time. I’ve given hIm so many chances and now I’ve just run out of love and patience and especially now it’s affecting our children

OP posts:
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 27/08/2022 23:33

Fuck him off op, why would you let your kids see that

Iceballoons · 27/08/2022 23:33

We know someone who does something similar. It’s vile.

I’d be more concerned about him shoving you out the way tbh. With the pissing himself thing I don’t know why you’re not just honest with the kids and say ‘daddy wees himself when he’s drunk’. Why the big secret?!

Isausernameavailable · 27/08/2022 23:33

I had one like that. Divorce is scary, but once your out the other side it's lovely

Original poster
Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:34

They know now they’ve seen it with their own eyes and they are traumatised especially my daughter. It’s got to a whole new level now they know 😢

OP posts:
Charcy · 27/08/2022 23:35

Those with that level of drinking problem (no,they're not all bums on park benches) will never ever change. I have 1st hand experience in this. Leave now. Especially now he's exerted his physical presence over you infront of your children now.
You're not over reacting. You're not insane. You have to take the leap and remove you and your children from this situation now. It will only get worse.

SarahDippity · 27/08/2022 23:36

His behaviour is not compatible with a happy family life. He has a problem. Imagine what a state his place would be in if he lived alone.

Uselesswithusernames · 27/08/2022 23:38

Could you maybe try an ultimatum? Either he gets some professional help with this or you’re gone. Dramatic maybe, but it’s a marriage and your kids Dad etc. But his actions are unacceptable. Only you can decide if he’s worth it.

RampantIvy · 27/08/2022 23:38

Don't wash his clothes. Leave them for him to see them when he sobers up.

Iceballoons · 27/08/2022 23:39

Well, I think you need to give him an ultimatum that he either stops drinking or leaves.

Although pissing himself is vile, as I said it’s the shoving I’d be concerned about and also if your kids have seen it that means they’ve seen him drunk?

I am admittedly quite judgemental about this. I don’t think young children should witness their parents drunk unless maybe it’s just one parent drunk at a wedding. It just seems wrong to me, I’d hate for my dc to see me drunk…I guess seeing him drunk and having pissed himself is going to be even worse for your dc…and it’s not like it just happened once so you can all laugh about it. It’s regular by the sound of things :(

Deadringer · 27/08/2022 23:40

Either he stops drinking or he leaves.

Original poster
Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:41

I’ve tried this before he always says he doesn’t need help and will just stop. He will go a few months maybe and he won’t do it then he will just drink the same again. He has a stressful job and makes that as an excuse. He doesn’t listen to me at all I told him he wasn’t going in our bed and forced his way in even though our daughter was in their crying !!

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 27/08/2022 23:42

Get him to move out so that you and your children are not exposed to his drinking.
Consequences may make him get help to stop drinking.

Join alnon as you need support to understand that it isn't your fault and you can't stop him. Drinking usually gets worse...do you really want your lives blighted by his problem drinking?

He has to accept he has a problem as he can't control his alcohol intake.

Uselesswithusernames · 27/08/2022 23:44

In the case, you can’t fight for your family alone. It takes 2!

And I’m so sorry for your poor DD. Goes without saying that she shouldn’t have had to witness any of that. And heartbreaking for you to see her affected xxx

butterflied · 27/08/2022 23:46

Leave the clothes for him to wash. It's completely disrespectful to you and to your kids as well. He's choosing this, OP. It's an active choice.

martha4clark · 27/08/2022 23:48

For your children's sake you need to leave him. Totally traumatising for your kids.