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Original poster

Husband pisses himself when drunk

210 replies

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:23

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

OP posts:
overnightangel · 27/08/2022 23:49

He’s a violent, bullying, out of control disgusting drunk.

Get him the fuck out of there asap.
Have a bag packed for him when he regains consciousness in the morning. Tell him to stay with someone else.
i feel awful for you and those poor poor children. They should not be subjected to that and they need you to protect them by kicking him out

Iceballoons · 27/08/2022 23:49

You need to separate. See if he can stay sober for at least a year or something….he sounds quite abusive. Your kids are going to grow up thinking this behaviour is acceptable if you don’t remove them from this situation. Your daughter might end up with a man just like him when she’s older.

OovoofWelcome · 27/08/2022 23:49

He physically shoved you, forced his way into the bedroom, terrified his DC. As well as being an incontinent drunk.

Fuck that. You can’t stay with him.

avamiah · 27/08/2022 23:49

He is a disgrace and I don’t know how you put up with it.
I’m sorry for you and your children.

I know it’s easy for me to say but you cannot put up with this and he must get help or you have to think about leaving.

Original poster
Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:50

Ive just checked and was 16th july he was last drunk in front of the kids as I took a video. He didn’t wet himself that night but that was a month ago. He seems to think it’s funny?? He’s wet himself so many times. We’ve been together now 14 years and I’ve lost count. When he first ever did it he tried to blame me?? Sad thing is his mother accepted it and even gave us waterproof sheets for our mattress! so sadly he thinks it’s ok !

OP posts:
mamabeeboo · 27/08/2022 23:51

I'd say any time he wants to go out with friends to drink, he can stay at their house for the night or hotel or somewhere else until he sobers up the next day enough to control his bladder. A friend seeing this might mean embarrassing him into taking action. Or a hotel charging him for additional cleaning.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2022 23:52

You need to divorce him. He assaulted you. Even if the pissing isn’t enough (it is) you can’t stay with someone who assaulted you.

You have to leave the very first time it happens, as that first time is never the last.

Singleandproud · 27/08/2022 23:56

He has escalated his behaviour in shoving you, that's the perfect excuse (not that you needed one) to tell him to leave in the morning.

FatAnneTheDealer · 27/08/2022 23:58

I’m so sorry. Yes, your children will remember this night. But it will still be okay. Your husband can agree to counselling - and it sounds like you might all need family counselling too.

He needs to understand that if this is response to alcohol then he can’t manage it and has to give it up. Pissing yourself, not to mention all the sofas and the beds in the house, is not okay!

But, OP, try to remember that your kids will be okay. You have given them good grounding. Now show them how to have limits, rules, and boundaries, while always acting with love. Under the circumstances their Dad can’t continue as things are. Let them know the steps you both are taking.

Good luck!

Snugglemonkey · 27/08/2022 23:58

I am so sorry this is happening OP. It is terrible that your children have witnessed this and yes, they will remember it forever. You need to protect them and end this relationship. You are with a violent and abusive man with extreme alcohol issues. Throw him out, you all deserve better.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 28/08/2022 00:01

@Lwveeee213

Yuck 🤮

Seriously op get rid.

I couldn't sleep in the same bed or ever have a relationship with my dh if that happened and was treated like normal ffs.

And yes your dc are getting older and seeing this behaviour

It will give them a bad anxiety every time he goes out that he will get aggressive and nasty

Get rid

ChrisTrepidation · 28/08/2022 00:04

Sorry @FatAnneTheDealer but fuck counselling.

This has been going on for YEARS. He thinks it's funny and has said as much to the op. He chooses to continue to get that drunk on a monthly basis that he pisses himself. It is beyond vile and he doesn't even care that his children are seeing it. This man has no respect for his wife, his family or himself. Not only that but he has now physically shoved the op while drunk.

I used to live with an old boyfriend who would piss himself when he was really drunk and I feel ill thinking about it now 15 years later.

OP, please pack this disgusting man's bags for him ASAP. If not for yourself then for jour children. They should not have to be witnessing such disgraceful behaviour from their father and neither should you!

Bayleaf25 · 28/08/2022 00:04

I’m really sorry OP but this is not ok. I probably like a drink as much as many other people and have probably over indulged over the years but I have never urinated on furniture and neither has my husband. This is really grim.

I think you really need to spell it out for him or show him this thread. Your children should not grow up thinking that this is ok.

JustFlying · 28/08/2022 00:07

This is insane.

I'm definitely guilty of drinking more than I should on occasion which usually means I say daft things or start singing a song from South Park or trying to do Gangnam style in front of the tv.

But I've never pissed myself anywhere at any time. If an adult is pissing themselves anywhere it's a problem. In front of their kids is an enormous problem. Who does that? It sounds like it's ultimatum time. He clearly shouldn't be drinking if this happens. He can't handle it.

newtb · 28/08/2022 00:09

XH is an alcoholic and even hé didn't do that.

sunflowersandtomatoes · 28/08/2022 00:15

I used to live with an old boyfriend who would piss himself when he was really drunk and I feel ill thinking about it now 15 years later.

Me too. Can’t believe I put up with it. He used to say “It’s mostly water. What’s your problem?” Fucking loser. I could never understand why he wasn’t mortified, and it’s so disrespectful to you, OP, and your home. I hope you get rid of him.

kimchifox · 28/08/2022 00:16

I just googled it and it's a "thing" apparently alcohol affects a hormone which usually stops you peeing in your sleep and it also irritates the bladder, as well as dulling the senses, so drunken bed wetting is not actually that uncommon especially in men. God knows how drunk and out of control you have to be to just piss your pants whilst still awake?!

However, regardless if all that, the fact that your DH isn't willing to stop drinking because of it is disgraceful, as is his behaviour towards you and in front of your DCs. It sounds like you have put up with this for long enough.

avamiah · 28/08/2022 00:18

I’m nearly 50 and to this day I still remember my dad being so drunk at a family wedding when I was about 16 and how he embarrassed our family by what happened.

He came out of the toilet and walked across the dance floor with his private part hanging out as he was so drunk he must of just had a wee and walked out the toilet.
Those couple of seconds before people jumped in front of him have stayed with me all these years and my relationship with him changed from that day.

So before that happens I would advise OP to get out.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2022 00:24

He does this because he has never had to live with any consequences of it.

Send him back to his mother with his rubber sheets.

You are not letting anyone down by ending this awful marriage. You are rescuing your children from a dreadful childhood. FYI, your children have known for years thar he pisses himself, ruins their beds, the furniture, etc. You've just been in denial about it.

This man is an alcoholic. You can't change him or control the drinking or cure his addiction.

The only thing you can control is what your children are exposed to. What you decide to do end this horror for them is important. Take off the blinkers. Time for some honest conversations with your children and for pulling up your big girl knickers.

mathanxiety · 28/08/2022 00:29

And don't waste your time with ultimatums. That just prolongs the misery for your children.

See a solicitor, check what benefits you're entitled to, look for somewhere else to live, talk to your landlord if renting or to your bank if you have a mortgage, and find out how much equity you have in your house.

Then get the heck out of there. File for divorce. Put the house on the market but you'll need to get the stench of grown ass man pee out of it first.

NanooCov · 28/08/2022 00:36

I could live with the pissing (though would be disgusted). The physical abuse of you when drunk would be a deal breaker for me. Get rid.

Fireflygal · 28/08/2022 08:07

Op, I hope your children are doing ok. This incident will remain with them so consider getting them to talk to someone else as they may not want to worry you further.

Please break the cycle, his mother has enabled him and why alcoholism tends to run in families.

Pissing yourself and getting aggressive is NOT an acceptable response to work stress.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 28/08/2022 08:12

This sounds horrendous. I’d end the relationship too op if I was in your shoes.
you’ve put up with it long enough and you are right that it is unfair on the children.

the only person who can change or seek change is him and he clearly isn’t going to put the effort in.

LakieLady · 28/08/2022 08:17

Good grief. I can't believe he thinks it's funny. I used to be a heavy drinker, and I've never, ever pissed myself.

If it was just the drinking/pissing, I'd say make him wear incontinence pads when he goes out drinking, but the shoving thing and his general contempt for you and the children makes me think this is unfixable.

This would be a marriage-ending thing for me, I'm afraid.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 08:28

His behaviour while drunk.- aggression, intimidation etc. would be a real breaker entirely without the pissing himself issue.

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