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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband pisses himself when drunk

210 replies

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:23

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

OP posts:

Singleandproud · 28/08/2022 11:14

@wizzywig why should she tolerate a healthy grown man urinating in her bed several times a year?

Entirely different if they had a medical condition that caused it but then I'd expect them to wear incontinence underwear. Not a bloke that finds it hilarious to urinate, feels no shame at his family seeing him in that state.

If Ops children came to school and told me about what they'd seen I'd record it on our safeguarding system, an adult out of control enough to urinate and shove their mother is not a parent that should be around children.

notanothertakeaway · 28/08/2022 11:18

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 10:29

Thing is my family all thing he’s amazing and don’t really know what I put up with which is partly my fault as I’ve hidden it. So if I do now divorce him everyone in my family will think I’m mad!

So, you either (a) tell them the truth or(b) explain that there are issues which led to the breakup but it's private and not up for discussion

GabriellaMontez · 28/08/2022 11:19

Stop keeping his dirty habit a secret. Including the shoving.

You seem to have a false loyalty to him. Be kind to yourself and your children.

MomwasCasual · 28/08/2022 11:22

I don't believe he does find it funny, it's his attempt to minimise and gaslight the OP into thinking it's fairly normal.

Unless of course, he is absolutely open about it to all and sundry, regaling family and friends with hilarious tales of pissing in his childs bed the other week etc

Lsquiggles · 28/08/2022 11:27

You and your kids deserve better than someone who knows they piss in their daughters bed when drunk and still does nothing about it.

dapsnotplimsolls · 28/08/2022 11:30

How are your kids this morning OP?

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2022 11:33

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:30

He tries to justify it at first but then when he realises he’s apologetic and swears he will try harder etc etc the usual.
ive had problems with this a lonnnggggg time. I’ve given hIm so many chances and now I’ve just run out of love and patience and especially now it’s affecting our children

If he can't control his wetting himself he can't go drinking.

There isn't a middle ground in this.

If he doesn't want to stop the drinking, he doesn't respect you or the kids and the drinking is more important.

He has a drinking problem. You don't 'try harder' with a drinking problem. You give up.

Hopeandlove · 28/08/2022 11:36

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:41

I’ve tried this before he always says he doesn’t need help and will just stop. He will go a few months maybe and he won’t do it then he will just drink the same again. He has a stressful job and makes that as an excuse. He doesn’t listen to me at all I told him he wasn’t going in our bed and forced his way in even though our daughter was in their crying !!

Then you have your answer. He will not change.
leave him

he is a drunk and domestically abusive and physically violent and blames everyone but himself

he is foul

Original poster

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 11:41

My teenage son is still in bed. My daughter who is 8 has told him he peed his pants and he needs to clean up the mess as he still hasn’t done it. Which is madness. He’s now saying he thinks he got spiked I’m guessing to make an excuse in front of his daughter. He’s not talking to me he’s sat outside now listening to music. Probably expecting me to clean it up.
thank you everyone for such input and making me feel like I’m not over reacting!

OP posts:

ehb102 · 28/08/2022 11:43

The wetting himself - I'd kick him out over that. It's deliberate, he doesn't refrain from drinking, stop drinking earlier, wear an incontinence pad or even make a camp bed with a rubber sheet. The lack of consideration for others is horrendous.

A violent self wetting drunk with no consideration for others? Hell, no! Out he goes. And never take him back unless he's sober and in AA.

MomwasCasual · 28/08/2022 11:48

He'll not be able to say he was spiked the next time. And the next time. And the next.

They will keep seeing this, seeing the mess as they get older- they already lost a bit of childhood innocence last night.

Darkness22 · 28/08/2022 11:52

He's not even cleaned it up!!! Fuck me.

UWhatNow · 28/08/2022 11:52

“I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him…”

He should be the one feeling bad. He has brought this about.

ChrisTrepidation · 28/08/2022 11:52

He isn't even going to clean up after himself? He is disgusting. An absolutely disgusting pig.

You need to stop hiding what your marriage is really like from your family and friends op. I'm sure they would be as horrified as we are on here. If by some very strange chance theu aren't then so what? They aren't having to live your life and it's not their children being damaged from seeing it.

ChrisTrepidation · 28/08/2022 11:55

@Darkness22 My old boyfriend who used to piss himself drunk once soaked the bed through and just took the sheets off to dump in our laundry basket🤢 I'll never forget my anger that he was so unashamed of his actions that he hadn't even stripped it and washes the stinking sheets.

I'd stayed out at my parents because by that point I would stay away when he was going out for the night. His behaviour was so bad when he came in pissed and pissing everywhere. I look back and can't believe I didn't consider it a deal breaker.

Original poster

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 11:58

Well I’ve just been told I’m soft, all men do it, he shoved me cos I was being a dick head and a pain. He doesn’t care he’s upset the kids along with a ton of other abuse. I’m heartbroken. He’s said I need to pack my bags and go as it’s his house he pays for it (it’s joint). He’s just told my daughter ‘he doesn’t care as he doesn’t even like me anyway’.
I don’t even know what I’ve done to deserve it! I just feel so stupid now for letting it happen for so long

OP posts:

Darkness22 · 28/08/2022 11:59

Could he still be drunk talking like that?

GabriellaMontez · 28/08/2022 12:05

The reason he shoved you is because he's an aggressive drunk.

Do you usually clean up after him?

What is your rent/work situation?

Who can you talk to? Mum? Sister?

I've heard of men doing this but I can guarantee you 'all' men don't do it. Start talking about it openly to your friends and family. (I'm sure he won't mind as everyone does it)

UWhatNow · 28/08/2022 12:05

What an absolute cunt he is. Your poor kids.

Frazzled2207 · 28/08/2022 12:10

Not a time for ultimatums or excuses

enough is enough, time to tell him it’s over

as a one odd it is forgivable behaviour
But it’s happened time and time again

Singleandproud · 28/08/2022 12:11

Do you have somewhere to go? Even if the house is joint I think I'd rather be the one to leave with the children and have a fresh start somewhere smaller instead of staying in a house that he's urinated over. It'll be tricky at first but your children will adjust.

Cakecakecheese · 28/08/2022 12:11

Get legal advice and leave.

My uncle got drunk and passed in my cousin's bed. My cousin is in his 40s and still remembers this along with other things that messed up his childhood. Don't do this to your kids.

Singleandproud · 28/08/2022 12:13

If you have no close family I'd get a family room in a Premier Inn, take any important documents with you, they are cheap on Sundays although it's Bank Holiday so perhaps not this week.

Bluetrews25 · 28/08/2022 12:13

Well, he's just made it really easy for you to make the decision to leave, hasn't he?
Alcohol is more important than his family because he is an absolute idiot.
Is there somewhere else you can go with the DCs and leave his stinky piss soaked house to him?

Original poster

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 12:17

Possibly or something else?

OP posts:

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