Husband pisses himself when drunk

[Lwveeee213]

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

My DH did this once many years ago, before DC - never again
Your DH is NEVER going to stop doing it....so no judgement here,
I would have with the kids long ago

You have to leave. He has assaulted you in front of the children. It could be one of them next...

My ex was the same, he ruined 2 beds and 2 sofas. He did it the last time while watching our 2 year old son. After that I threw him out, it was the best thing I ever did. The sheer sense of relief.... and never having the stench of a drunk man's urine soaking into the sofa 🤮 I wish I had done it the first time really, he always made promises but they will never change
You can definitely do this for your children and yourself, you will not regret it

Goodness you are right never thought of it like this before !!

Insist on him wearing adult nappies if he's going to have more than a couple of drinks.

Nobody in this world would expect you to put up with this abusive situation a moment longer.

If he is still sleeping it off, pack a bag for him and write a note telling him it’s over and insisting he leaves as the children are traumatised and need help to overcome the shock of the fear they felt last night. Really spell it out to him. Suggest he goes back to his mum’s house. Tell him you have all gone out for the day to give him chance to sober up, clear up his mess and leave - and when you come back you expect him to be gone from the house. Tell him you need at least a week before you can see or talk to him again to discuss how you go forward but for now he must leave you all alone.

Take a firm hold of the situation now for the sake of you all. Don’t be the enabler like his mum was. Keeping his dirty, rotten, far from normal, secret for him helps nobody.

The secret is out now for your children so seize this chance now OP, for a better future for them. You won’t put up with this a minute longer.

You have to leave or get him too. What impact is it having on your kids that they are being bought up in this environment

Thing is my family all thing he’s amazing and don’t really know what I put up with which is partly my fault as I’ve hidden it. So if I do now divorce him everyone in my family will think I’m mad!

Yes, they probably are very upset. They need an adult (you) to step
you and protect them. That’s doesn’t mean hiding the situation.

Obviously he has to go!

What’s more important your family’s opinion or your children’s mental health?

You’re right I find him repulsive when he’s like that. He goes from trying to kiss me saying he loves me to getting angry if I confront him about the situation. I’ve hardly slept I just feel so confused and hurt. My heart is aching

So you tell them the truth. Continuing as you aren't isn't going to make anything better. In fact it just gives permission for them to get worse

Put your children first and separate. If you don't do this and protect your children they will think your marriage is normal, and if you have a daughter she is more likely to be in an abusive relationship in the future.

You need to put them right. You cannot continue to live like this.

Stop hiding and covering for him. That behavior just enables him and by covering you are saying its okay to your children and its really not. Start making plans to leave if you've reached your limit.

How the heck would you be to blame if you divorce him?

He is the one pissing his pants and behaving like an idiot, not you.

It’s beyond disgusting but the fact he thinks it’s funny is sufficient reason alone to divorce him.

This has gone on for far too long and you know that. Your kids know what's going on, you haven't kept it from them, youve just normalised it by pretending it's not happening.
Do what you need to do, for them, as this isn't going to get any better, ever. As for your family thinking you're "mad" I'd hope that when you tell them the truth that behind closed doors he is physically and verbally agressive alcoholic who has been emptying his bladder all over the house for years they will see your point.

This happens every few months ? Just get mattress prorecrors on all beds. And get him to do the washing

They will only think you are mad if you don't tell them the truth, unless it is normal for the men in your family??

Where do you get a mattress protector that stops your husband being an alcoholic and aggressively shoving you around in front of your kids with piss running down his leg?

Your DH is an alcoholic. Anyone who co tinted to drink like that despite repeated unacceptable consequences is an alcoholic. It is not compatible with family life. You must effect a zero tolerance policy. It's the drink or a tea-total family life - his choice.

Exactly.

Getting a mattress protector doesn't deal with the underlying problem.

It's not as simple as that- you can't get waterproof protectors for chairs and sofas for a start.

And anyway, the genie is out of the bottle now- the kids have witnessed it and also seen his aggression. No child should ever have to see a parent in that state. Ever.

They may confide in other people, they may feel like it's their secret shame to have to keep. Either way, its not nice, and far more complicated than making him wash his own mess.