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Original poster

Husband pisses himself when drunk

210 replies

Lwveeee213 · 27/08/2022 23:23

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 28/08/2022 12:18

You need to start telling people what you are dealing with. You need support.

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2022 12:20

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 11:41

My teenage son is still in bed. My daughter who is 8 has told him he peed his pants and he needs to clean up the mess as he still hasn’t done it. Which is madness. He’s now saying he thinks he got spiked I’m guessing to make an excuse in front of his daughter. He’s not talking to me he’s sat outside now listening to music. Probably expecting me to clean it up.
thank you everyone for such input and making me feel like I’m not over reacting!

Again there's your answer.

Not taking responsibility. Not admitting it's him with the problem.

He must get spiked regularly. I take it he's getting spiked with the same bunch of friends. Maybe he should avoid the friends and bars he keeps getting spiked at.

He won't change if he won't name the problem and be honest about it.

Glitterbomber · 28/08/2022 12:22

I don’t gotten agree with LTB on these types of posts but my goodness I do in this case!!!

He sounds vile

RedToothBrush · 28/08/2022 12:24

Lwveeee213 · 28/08/2022 11:58

Well I’ve just been told I’m soft, all men do it, he shoved me cos I was being a dick head and a pain. He doesn’t care he’s upset the kids along with a ton of other abuse. I’m heartbroken. He’s said I need to pack my bags and go as it’s his house he pays for it (it’s joint). He’s just told my daughter ‘he doesn’t care as he doesn’t even like me anyway’.
I don’t even know what I’ve done to deserve it! I just feel so stupid now for letting it happen for so long

I've been married for 14 years.

I can assure you that DH has never wet the bed. He has never pissed himself whilst drunk.

And he does drink regularly.

This is not normal.

Show him every message from others on the thread who will say the same.

The fact he is normalising this as something you have to put up or move out over shows the level of respect he has for you. That's the worth of his relationship with you to him.

Listen to him.

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 12:26

If you're married, the house is a joint asset, it isn't simply his. Plan to get to a solicitor asap, and take the relevant financial information. If your house is owned rather than rented you need to dig out your mortgage information and see how much left there is to pay. You need to get together details of both of your incomes and any debts, yours and his.

Do you have any family you can go and stay with today? I would seriously consider getting out of his way, staying around to watch this unravel won't be kind to the kids or good for you. His behaviour is likely to spike as he realises the game is up, and he will blame it on you. Be honest with some people you trust, and take it day by day. Womens Aid has an excellent online chat service, here's a link and it will put you in touch with a support worker.

Theimpossiblegirl · 28/08/2022 12:30

I think it's time to tell your friends and family to get real life support.
Is there somewhere you can go with the kids? He should be the one to leave but he's shown you who he is and you might have to leave your home to protect yourself and your children.

I would gather all important documents, financial information etc now, while he's still too hanging to screw you over financially, because he is going to get nasty when you leave him.

I'm so sorry, this is really hard. But you will look back on this as the day you changed your life for the better.

RedRec · 28/08/2022 12:32

I am sorry for you, OP but this is the lowest bar I have ever seen on here.
I know you said you didn't want any judgement but perhaps that is what you need to shock you into seeing this shit (or rather piss) show for what it is.
You and your children are being seriously abused and damaged and you need to get away from that bastard right now, before the damage becomes irreparable.

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 12:33

In terms of the kids, I would, starting right now, be honest with them about what is going on. Seeing and experiencing one thing and being told another is what does the damage. Tell them in age appropriate terms that their dad has a problem with alcohol, that it has been going on for a long time and you have tried your best to help him but it's not something you can cope with, or expect them to cope with any more. Tell them there will be some upheaval in the short term and you will need some help from other people to get sorted, but you will find them a safe and peaceful place for to live with you, and everything is going to be ok. They will probably be massively relieved.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 28/08/2022 12:35

God what a horrendous situation, just read your updates you poor thing. You and your kids deserve better. You've given him so many changes and I can't believe he said that. What are you going to do now?

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 12:36

He can leave, not you.

If you told the police or WA what he did last night, he would be made to leave.

It was an assault.

Not very clever, is he.

And asude from.who should leave now (him) if you're married its a joint asset, starting point 50-50 .... Too fucking bad.

RJnomore1 · 28/08/2022 12:39

24 years here and my DH has never done this. His aim might be a little less accurate but that’s it and he wipes it up himself.

so this man is, from what I hear:
violent
bullying
regularly drinks to excess
ruins things by pissing on them
lies
emotionally damaging your children (8yo!)
refuses to take responsibility even when sober
and doesn’t even like you from what he says

Fairislefandango · 28/08/2022 12:40

You urgently need to get yourself and your children away from this man. Do you want this to be your children's memory of their childhood?! Do you want them to be asking themselves why you kept them in this environment? Or thinking this is the kind of behaviour they'll just have to tolerate in their relationships because it's normal and what all men do?!

I know you're a victim and you didn't cause this, but you're the only one who has the power to stop it. Your children will suffer from this for the rest of their lives if you don't act.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 12:40

all men do it

All men piss and piss over beds and sofas themselves on a regular basis while drunk.

Wow, I must've been having relationships with women for 20 yrs .... Women with divkd and balls.

(And I've been with men who drink plenty of alcohol).

If all men do it, he'll be happy to talk about it with all his work colleagues, friends, acquaintances etc then .... What possible shame could there be when all men do it?

And the TV is just full.of ads for waterproof sheets and covers for adult men when they drink alcohol, right.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 12:43

he shoved me cos I was being a dick head and a pain.

He got his pronouns mixed up there.
He is the utter dickhead and pain, among other things.

And even if you were (you're not) it's not acceptable behaviour in preschool, let alone between adults in a home to shove another person.

As someone said it's because he's an aggressive drunk who was being challenged - not that you were even really challenging him.

warmsuncoldwind · 28/08/2022 12:44

Seeing my father pee himself when I was 8 because he was drunk was one of the lowest points in my life. I sometimes wonder what I could have become had I not had the childhood I remember.
you’ve got to take your children out of that situation. I’m so sorry for them, and you.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 28/08/2022 12:45

I'm a long time sober alcoholic and I used to wet myself when drunk, not all the time but far too often.

I went into rehab to save my marriage. I spared no effort to work on my recovery. It worked and we never looked back.

You're not doing anyone any favours by tolerating this behaviour. Tell him he either does something about it - AA worked for me - or the marriage is over. You'll be able to tell how much he cares about you and your DC by his response.

If he doesn't work on his drinking it's over.

moistmingemist · 28/08/2022 12:46

Please set the best example you can for your children. Ring the police, he's assaulted you. Get him removed by them and never let him back. You owe it to yourself and him.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 12:46

He doesn’t care he’s upset the kids

Well it's certainly refreshing to hear a man say outright and straight that he doesn't care about upsetting his children .... Rather than the ones who say sorry or nothing but keep doing it.

He's actually saying plainly outright, I don't care about my own children's feelings. I don't care about their childhood

EkinWho · 28/08/2022 12:46

Your update is horrendous. He's awful. Your children deserve better than being parented by someone like that. Pissing himself, pushing his wife about, then speaking like that to his daughter - no decent man behaves like that. Sitting in the sun while his pee festers. He is revolting. Leave him.

LemonDrop22 · 28/08/2022 12:49

*Then you have your answer. He will not change.
leave him

he is a drunk and domestically abusive and physically violent and blames everyone but himself*

This.

And the repeated returning to this place suggests he will not stop or change.

His utter lack of regret, guilt, responsibility says likewise.

It's not just even that he's a drunk.

It's that he's a shit person, who is a drunk

lechatnoir · 28/08/2022 12:56

I can't believe you've put up with this for so long but now your children have witnessed the horror first hand you absolutely MUST end this. From a practical POV you need him to leave but I'm afraid I've not the knowledge or expertise to know how to get this to happen. Hopefully other posters can advise. In the meantime (& in case you need to leave suddenly) start gathering paperwork, passports, copies of bank statement etc. I really feel for you op but glad you have realised this can't go on if not for your sake then your childrens

ToFindNewWays · 28/08/2022 12:57

Call the police and log the violence.

Get a solicitor.

Flowers
Redqueenheart · 28/08/2022 13:01

Why are you still living with a drunk who ''shoved'' you?

Why are you letting your children grow up with someone who behaves in this way? them having to witness his disgraceful behaviour should be the last straw.

Leave him for your own sake but also for the sake of your kids.

lechatnoir · 28/08/2022 13:05

ToFindNewWays · 28/08/2022 12:57

Call the police and log the violence.

Get a solicitor.

Flowers

100% this. You may well need to rely on this record in future. I would tell them you have asked him to leave, he is refusing and you are concerned for yours & your children's welfare they may be able to advise or visit to assist his removal (honestly no idea if this is a thing so apologies if not!)

daretodenim · 28/08/2022 13:06

GreenManalishi · 28/08/2022 12:33

In terms of the kids, I would, starting right now, be honest with them about what is going on. Seeing and experiencing one thing and being told another is what does the damage. Tell them in age appropriate terms that their dad has a problem with alcohol, that it has been going on for a long time and you have tried your best to help him but it's not something you can cope with, or expect them to cope with any more. Tell them there will be some upheaval in the short term and you will need some help from other people to get sorted, but you will find them a safe and peaceful place for to live with you, and everything is going to be ok. They will probably be massively relieved.

This.

I also think it's important they know he was not a victim of some horrible spike attack. This could cause them more problems down the line if they're ever in that awful situation themselves or near someone who is. The reality needs to be clear in an age-appropriate way.

I'm so sorry you've been living with this behaviour for so long OP.