Husband pisses himself when drunk

[Lwveeee213]

My husband always pisses himself when he’s drunk. He’s ruined so many beds, couches etc. it was getting harder to hide from my children DS 13 and DD 8. As he once slept in DD bed as I didnt want him in our bed, so DD slept with me when he was drunk and did it in her bed along with our old couch on the same night. I have had to keep making excuses when it’s happened ‘dad spilled water on the couch. Dad spilled tea on your bed etc’ . Anyway tonight he’s pissed himself in his pants. I made him go in conservatory as I knew it would happen with him being drunk and anyway both children have seen, saw his pants and they both knew what he’s done. I’ve told husband it’s the last straw, probably not the best time to tell him when he’s drunk, he got a bit aggressive and shoved me out of the way. My daughter was scared and in tears and my son was comforting me. I feel now I can’t carry on with him as my children are getting older and I can’t hide it anymore and feel them witnessing this is doing more harm than good even if it is a rare occurance. Tonight will probably remain in their memory forever. I feel so bad like I let everyone down if I divorce him but this seems to be the final nail in the coffin!!!
please no judgment

Run for the hills.

The fact that he is aggressive is enough; but he pisses himself when drunk.

How much did he drink?!

I drank 2 bottles of wine in a day recently and was still able to function enough to make myself a toasted sandwich; so he mst have drunk a lot more.

As I said: run for the hills.

@Chamenangee, I'm so sorry. That was cuttingly vivid.

OP, on a separate note, whatever happens, don't help your husband gaslight your kids. They need to know that what they saw actually happened; that these things aren't okay; and that they're not mad to be upset about it.

Don't collude in his abuse.

This is correct

OP

You and your children deserve better; he has had every chance to be a good husband and father.

His claim that all men piss their pants and wet beds and sofas when drunk is total bollocks. I've known my DH for 37 years and been married to him for 29. Never once has this happened, and if he had ever behaved as your DH does then we wouldn't still be married.

I'll wish you all the best for dumping his disgusting and sorry arse in favour of a better, more respectful and peaceful life for you and your children. I'm sure they will be relieved about it.

Nobody should have to live with someone else's stinking piss all around them, nor with their alcoholism (it is certainly bordering on that) and associated aggression.

I was married to an alcoholic. He did occasionally wet the bed when drunk - turned out he had a kidney stone, once that was treated it stopped. Not that it helped at all, but still.

Also he was mortified every time (though not enough to stop drinking).

Time to get your financial ducks in a row, OP. Time to come clean with your family - tell them the truth, tell them you were too ashamed to admit how bad things really were, tell them he assaulted you.

He's talking bollocks about the house - mine tried that one too during the divorce, said it was more his because he had used his mum's inheritance to pay off the mortgage. I told him tough, UK divorce law didn't see it that way (long marriage with kids).

Correct

It is not normal to piss yourself when drunk.

Unless you are an Alcoholic.

Like your husband

OP; all the best for the future you have done the right thing❤

Why onnEaarth did you let him get away with this for so long!!!
And then covered for him???? Rediculous
You made bad judgement calls and your kid got a scare but will live op
But you need to leave him because he sounds like a douche. Step up op. She up

Your update makes it pretty clear that it's over. Is there somewhere you can go today and tomorrow? I'd be reluctant to move out - if the house has to be sold, I can't imagine it will sell if it stinks of piss, which it will if you leave him there on his own.

What are you going to do, @Lwveeee213 ? I’m appalled that he has spoken to your dd and to you like that. How can he tell you he pays when it’s a joint mortgage? Presumably you work?

What a shitshow of a home life for your children.

You have to stop putting him ahead of your children.

Violent, abusive alcoholic who pisses himself and emotionally abuses your children?

I hope they have teachers they trust to tell what their lives are like.

Just horrifying.

If you care a whit for your children you will call the police and log the assault and his behaviour and abuse of your children.

He needs removing by any means necessary.

Phone his parents tell them to come and collect their sim else your calling the police to remove him. Call them anyhow and report the DV.

He's likely embarrassed and acting like an even bigger tosser than usual but you no longer have to deal with this man

That's worded beautifully - I'd definitely do this OP

My partner was an alcoholic, he never pissed himself. My sofa and bed were never pissed on even though he was usually passed out after drinking neat vodka.

Op, he has left the door open… run now!

The fact that he has suggested make things much easier, take him on his word and dump him, it will be easier going forward. Whatever you do, don’t see yourself as a victim as that disempowers you, start seeing yourself like a survivor and acting like one.

If it is a joint house call the police he had assaulted you and get him removed - grow a backbone for your kids

YABU for staying with him long enough to let your kids witness this - it'll really mess them up

Don’t play nice you must report him to the police you must - getting things logged properly now will provide evidence in the long run if you need it. I thank god that I phoned the police there wasn’t enough to charge but their was enough evidence and photos for a judge

Please get yourself and children out of the house - go and visit a friend or family ? - and call the Police.

You can't let this continue.

I just wanted to give an update. He has been drinking again today and passed out in bed again. I’ve been out with the kids and been to my Mums and told her what’s happened, also told my dad and they both agree it’s not on and I need to reassess my marriage to him.
he told my son he didn’t love me earlier, I stood at the door whilst my son was seeing him in bed before we left.
the fact they have to witness it is just not on!
My son just wants things to be normal. He doesn’t want us to split but I’ve had to explain to him today that this isn’t normal behaviour and not acceptable

Well done telling your parents. Secrecy is the abuser and the addict's best friends - you've let the light in. Now take all the steps you need and get away from this man. Life without an alcoholic in it is so much better! (Speaking from experience)

I knew my marriage was done when STBXH urinated on the carpet instead of the loo. It wasn’t the first time he’d missed the loo but at least he’d made it to the bathroom.

Honestly, life is so much better now he’s moved out. I can relax in the evening, not worrying every time he wakes to go to the loo at night for example.

I think you’re at ducks in a row time. Solicitors, financial advice. He won’t change, he has no motivation to. All you can do is change your situation.

What got me was your child crying cos scared and your son comforting you, buga that, your husband pissing in their beds he’s ruined so many! Just get rid of him out the bloody door, while he’s there you are enabling this situation, please do not allow this situation to continue for your sake and your childrens

I’m sorry Op, but your marriage is over. He doesn’t care about you. He cares about his drinking.

I know it’s easy to say don’t clean up after him, but you can’t exactly let urine just sit.

However, don’t wash any of his clothing. Cook any of his food or do anything around the house for him either.

You own the house too so don’t go anywhere.

Seek a solicitor and if your husband becomes violent in any way, call the police immediately