To expect some privacy in the bathroom?

[Crewton]

Every time I am in the shower DH comes in. It’s usually to ask me about something I can’t find.

This morning he did it and then left the bathroom door open. PIL are in the guest room and if they’d come out of their bedroom I’d have Been seen stark naked in the shower. I completely lost my shit with him.

We don’t have a lock for safety (toddler can lock herself in but can’t unlock it) but regardless surely a bit of basic respect should apply here.

The obvious solution is to fit a lock that you can undo from the outside by simply inserting the edge of a coin and turning it. They are not expensive, and I got them when my DC were little, precisely to avoid the risk of them getting locked in, while guaranteeing adult privacy.

Just put a bolt lock up where she can't reach it. The real problem is that he doesn't respect you.

Simple. Fit a bolt up high, above adult head height.

I’m not really asking for solutions, though. I shouldn’t have to barricade myself into places to stop people coming in, surely!

Get a lock that you can undo from the outside.

YABU to post without wanting any solutions.

Tell him not to come in then!

That's kind of the point of a lock... No one's suggesting a heavy duty security job, just something to help prevent mistakenly wandering in.

Have you told him to not disturb you when you're in the bathroom? Not ask, but told him.

Well your DH clearly has no respect for your privacy, so your options are to either get a lock or lose the DH.

Or, you know, just pointlessly continue moaning about it to get some sympathy from strangers on the internet…

Put a simple barrel lock right at the top of the door so toddler can't reach it? Wedge towels or something behind the door so it's harder to open and he thinks twice before steaming in?!

My DH used to always come in when I was in the bathroom too, not for anything in particular, just to do his teeth etc.and it drove me nuts so I feel your pain. In the end I would say "are you finished in the bathroom before I shower/do my make up?" or "shall I use DD's bathroom to shower or are you finished in ours?" and he eventually got the hint that I would not be going into the bathroom if he was. I know it's a bit different for you because he is not actually needing the bathroom so I would be inclined to say "do you need anything from me before I go shower?" etc.

Oh I see you don't want solutions! In that case tell him in no uncertain terms. Although that way he could still say "oops, sorry, didn't know you were in here, but now that I've found you..."

OK - so the problem here is my relationship, not the lock.

I have said to him I don’t like it, please not to do it. The problem is when you’re stood there naked and someone is there looking at you, it makes you feel really vulnerable and it makes me rush through my shower.

I don’t know if this is odd, I guess he thinks so . I’m just wondering if I am the odd one and other married couples don’t mind the other roaming in and out all the time or if I actually have a point. The lock is different, I am not stupid, I do realise that’s the solution to the problem in a direct sort of sense, but it does go deeper than that. I shouldn’t have to (in my mind) lock my husband out to get some privacy.

If you live with someone who has so little respect for you that he'll leave the door open to the bathroom, knowing his parents can walk in/see you "stark naked", you kind of do.

Well, what's the point in moaning about it? You could spend months highlighting to your husband about how much this pisses you off, you need privacy, he doesn't listen to you etc etc etc, or you spend five minutes fitting a bolt at the top of the door.

Sorry x-post.

You obviously have different expectations and levels of comfort. I wouldn't like people walking in on me when I'm in the shower so we have a lock on the door. Two adults and three teenagers here and we all lock the door. It's not unusual to want privacy.

A door stop shoved under the door from the inside works too.

He’s deliberately ignoring your boundary and it’s understandably making you uncomfortable. Is this the only boundary of yours that he doesn’t respect?

How would he react if you did fit a lock on the bathroom door and used it? Would he finally take the hint and stop trying to bug you while you’re showering? Or would try to find an argument against the lock?

I agree with you, it is a husband issue. He clearly does not respect you let alone give a damn about your privacy in the shower... I'm going to guess there are alot of other things he does when asked not to too?

Short term solution - get a door wedge. Use it when you are in the shower to prevent him access. It might train him, it might cause a blow up where you can explain his disrespect to him...

The point in moaning about it is wondering if it’s something I should be concerned about. Or if maybe I am overreacting and like I say other couples do this, it’s normal, they aren’t bothered.

I really honestly appreciate people are trying to help but I’m not asking about the lock, if I need to I can do that today, I’m wondering how normal this all is. That’s what I’m asking. I really don’t want or need solutions to keep him out.

A high up bolt is one solution.

YANBU unreasonable for wanting privacy.
But this is unreasonable:
I’m not really asking for solutions, though. I shouldn’t have to barricade myself into places to stop people coming in, surely!
This is like these people on here who won't put their phone on do not disturb and then complain endlessly about people who message at 2 am. Pages of MN posters then saying just put your phone on do not disturb and the OP keeps saying "But people shouldn't be messaging at 2 am". It's a simple solution.
Same with your bathroom problem. Fit a bolt higher up on the door so the toddler can't lock it. Problem solved.

I also read in your update that you then say the problem is the relationship not the lock. I still stand by "fit a fucking lock"... that will solve the problem of him wandering in in the short time, and also prevent privacy issues when guests are staying.
I am single now but when in relationships I didn't want my partners roaming in and out of the bathroom when I was showering or cleaning teeth or whatever. However, they never did it either. There was no need even to ask them not to do it.
Some people have different boundaries though and maybe your DH isn't bothered about things like this so doesn't see the issue and possibly forgets that you have asked him not to.
There could be more to this though and he's doing it deliberately because he knows you don't like it. Are there any other similar issues in the marriage? Deliberately overstepping your boundaries?

Please fit a lock to get some privacy straight away. Then look at the other aspects.
How he reacts to being locked out will tell you a lot too. If he kicks up a fuss then you've got a problem.

I've been with my partner 18 years.

We've never gone into the bathroom whilst the other is in there apart from when we were tiling the floor. Together.

We've also never had to use the lock. We freed it up when we moved there for when relatives came but no, never used it.

So yes I guess the problem is the relationship.

I leave the door unlocked but my husband respects my boundaries. If you want it to stop, do something. You've spoken to him - sounds like it didn't work. Now try something else. If you don't want a lock get a door stop and wedge it in. Surely even if he needs to ask you something it can wait til after your shower.