To expect some privacy in the bathroom?

[Crewton]

Every time I am in the shower DH comes in. It’s usually to ask me about something I can’t find.

This morning he did it and then left the bathroom door open. PIL are in the guest room and if they’d come out of their bedroom I’d have Been seen stark naked in the shower. I completely lost my shit with him.

We don’t have a lock for safety (toddler can lock herself in but can’t unlock it) but regardless surely a bit of basic respect should apply here.

You're husband is an absolute creep . I would be announcing the fact nice and loud to my in-laws by asking FIL could he possibly fit a lock while he is there as his son is a disgusting pig

I have the problem where my teens decide to come and use the loo when I am in the shower. It annoys me because it only takes five mins or less to shower. So I understand where you are coming from. We dont have a lock either as eldest has MH issues and likely to try and kill herself or self harm if the door is locked. I would just ask him again not to do that when you are in there.

Your daughter would try to kill herself if she got behind a locked door?

Honestly, I know you don't want to hear this again but just put a lock on the door.

My DH would do the same because he's clueless and wouldn't care if I did it to him. It's not a power play or a sign that he's abusive or uncaring, he's just in his own world.

I'd get a simple cabin hook for eye level so your DD can't get at it. Easy to install.

@Crewton people are brought up with different boundaries. If that is what he grew up with it likely seems normal to him.. You need to ask him not to come in (every time), explain your boundaries are different (neither of you is wrong but in this case he is the one to adjust for you) and particularly say - I do not want your parents seeing me, please pack it in. If he won’t, get the lock and consider whether this is part or a bigger problem for you.

In all honesty, neither me or my DH go in the bathroom whilst the other is in there.
As others have said, if he can't respect your boundaries after you have told him not to do this, then it's time to put a small bolt at the top of the door where your toddler can't reach.

I don’t understand what is wrong with people who think they can trample all over other people’s boundaries which they are perfectly entitled to have.

I lived at home until I was 28 and my DM, right from early teens, always barged into the bathroom when I was in the shower or bath claiming she was desperate for the toilet. Even when I had a bath and would say does anyone want the toilet before I go in she would say no and then within ten minutes she would barge in. I would pull the shower curtain across the bath and she would make a big scene about how ‘we are all women, what’s wrong with you, you are just so secretive etc’ and would keep trying to peek around the shower curtain at me naked.

That’s just one example of her overstepping boundaries and I could list absolutely dozens more, and she wonders why I cut her out of my life.

That's so weird and awful of your dm

I would have a lock on the door, I don't want anyone in the bathroom

I’ve read ,all of your posts, OP, but may have missed it. Have you told him to not walk into the bathroom while you are in there? It seems like it’s a normal thing (regardless if you like it). You mentioned it happened in the old house and you solved the problem by moving your shower time.

In other words does he know this is a problem because you’ve told him simple plain language it is?

I think his behavior is appalling. Regardless of lock, you have every right to feel upset. I’d be mortified knowing guests are across the hall. He clearly doesn’t respect your boundaries, and I reckon there are other issues in addition to this. Twat.

In other words does he know this is a problem because you’ve told him simple plain language it is?

We really do have to infantilise some men, don’t we….

Simple solution is to fit a bolt high up on the inside of the door where a child can’t reach it.
But yes, OP, I’d be pretty mad with dh if he did this when there were guests in the house.

Yeah, the issue isn’t the lock (or lack of). Rightly or wrongly, the OP doesn’t want to be disturbed while she is getting washed.

I am like this if anyone tries to talk to me through the toilet door. It usually results in me shouting “I’m on the toilet!” over and over again. I’m not answering questions or solving problems when I’m on the loo and the OP shouldn’t have to when she’s in the shower.

No.. it has nothing to do with infantilizing anyone. You’ve seen comments here from people who would have no problem with someone coming in the bathroom while they are using it. The OP has stated it’s been happening for a long time. She also said that to fix the problem she started to shower earlier.

She hasn’t said she told her DH this is a problem for her. It’s called communication… he may not know it’s a problem if she hasn’t used her words to tell him.

Of course, she may have done this and he doesn’t care which is a different problem. But to start with the simple things first to rule out misunderstandings…seems like a low effort way to solve the problem.

To be fair the OP has stated that she's screamed at him for it so there can be no doubt he's aware that she dislikes it. What the OP hasn't confirmed is what his reaction is to being told not to do it, which I think would be very relevant.

OP’s third post

’I have said to him I don’t like it, please not to do it.’

OP absolutely has the right to privacy, and her DP should respect that regardless of whether there is a lock on the door or not.

Saying "please don't walk in/ talk to me when I'm in the shower" to your partner should absolutely be enough.

That comment was unnecessary. She wasn't being aggressive, she's massively upset at her boundaries being violated by someone who's supposed to love her.

It's a puzzler, innit @ZeroFuchsGiven. Can't possibly be anything to do with the fact that you've done nothing but make snide, arsey comments throughout OP's thread, no?

It doesn’t matter if every other couple in the world are happy with it - you’re not and that’s what should count. Your DP is being massively disrespectful ignoring you.

im happy for DH to come in when I shower, but I have a massively (irrational) hatred of being watched while I dry my hair. My DH, and my children, all respect that because they respect me.

I have said to him I don’t like it, please not to do it

How much more simple does she have to put it?

I'm confused. Did the ensuite at the previous home have a lock on the door?

Just put a simple one up high at less cost and effort- op can do this herself tomorrow

Fitting a lock won’t correct the fact her DP is totally disrespecting her boundaries, despite being asked multiple times.

Stop moaning about it and put a bloody end to it like millions of people across the world, a simple bolt on the door

What's to stop somebody coming in when somebody's going to the toilet?

I guess you could then moan about it