To expect some privacy in the bathroom?

[Crewton]

Every time I am in the shower DH comes in. It’s usually to ask me about something I can’t find.

This morning he did it and then left the bathroom door open. PIL are in the guest room and if they’d come out of their bedroom I’d have Been seen stark naked in the shower. I completely lost my shit with him.

We don’t have a lock for safety (toddler can lock herself in but can’t unlock it) but regardless surely a bit of basic respect should apply here.

Are people deliberately missing the point...?

This..even if you don’t want this to be about a lock, the lock will prevent him continuing with these behaviours and make him realise you absolutely have boundaries that he will not cross.
atill fit the lock OP… no point wasting money in a hotel etc as hell not learn form that. Hell only learn as he realises how many times he tries to open a locked door and gets the boundary re-enforced. Stop arguing with him. If he gets upset just say you’re upset and he would not respect your boundaries voluntarily

if he takes lock off..the other poster idea about a door wedge is very good. May be even better than a lock actually as if you take it with you when you leave the room hell not know what was preventing him entering.

you might also want to start opening the door whilst he’s having a poo when his parents are there- don’t go in..just walk past and open it and push it back.

Op - I get you. Sorry for suggesting put a bolt on earlier.
Yes, your husband is showing you a massive disrespect. Even if he doesn't agree with your request, he should respect it. The incident where he left you naked and potentially in clear view or your in laws must feel like the final nail in the coffin.

I doubt this is the only sign of his feelings towards you, so as you seem to agree, you've got some thinking to do.
In the meantime hotel until the in laws are gone maybe. I would put the lock on, and when he moans it's a case of telling him why and that if he carries on it's going to be a lot worse than a lock on a bathroom door. Good luck.

100% this, saying “well just put a lock on the door to stop him” is akin to saying “don’t wear a short skirt in case men think you’re asking for it”, the onus is NOT on the OP to stop her partner doing something she’s expressly told him she doesn’t like.

I totally get how you feel OP and you’re not being unreasonable. He’s not respecting your boundaries at best and is being a misogynist controlling arse at worse. How dare he decide that his desire to disturb you in the bathroom trumps your need for privacy, I’d be fuming too.

How will a bolt stop her other half from being a disrespectful prick who repeatedly ignores her?

Some folks on here are specialists in missing the point

Put a lock high up so the child cannot reach it

I have a very impulsive child with ADHD and high anxiety. I explained many times we don't barge into showers/toilets but eventually decided a lock was the only way, especially now under 10s may wander in with a friend on camera!

It's a sliding door so we got two of those stable door hook things. Just one can be shaken open but two work better. You can easily undo them from outside with a credit card or ruler (I know you don't want lock suggestions but maybe someone'll find it useful).

Regarding why does he do it -- isn't it obvious? Along with the dork in the supermarket, he resents being asked to do anything that he considers "women's work" so he/they keep barging, or phoning, to drive it home that you're not entitled to time off. Even for a shower.

That or he enjoys your discomfort.

Yuck.

Sadly I’m not perfect and admitted I may may missed it. Mea Culpa

I’ve read ,all of your posts, OP, but may have missed it.

How much more simply do I have to put it?

Thank you @FlorettaB for drawing that to my attention in a non snarky way.

So… Back to the OP

As I also said if you had told him clearly that changes the conversation. There are really 3 options for you at this point…

1. get a lock and enforce your boundaries
2. Decide this is a dealbreaker or a symptom of a larger problem and leave him
3. Accept he won’t change

I’m not sure anyone here can really say for sure what you should do, and there isn’t really a wrong answer. Hopefully you’ve been able to get some insight through some of the comments.

It wouldnt bother me (as long as other people weren't in the house).

I wouldn’t like it at all op, and I know that, as my exH used to do it all the time, even after I’d repeatedly told I’m I didn’t like it. He even came in one to take a dump. Pig.

Im sure it is all about power and pissing on your boundaries. It turned out my ex wasn’t very nice in a lot of ways, so frankly it was good to be shot of him.

Its utterly irrelevant though what any of the rest of us like/don’t like. YOU don’t like it, and he should have more respect for your feelings on this.

Hurrah for you.
It bothers OP though, & your preference isn't about to make her suddenly become unbothered (& nor should she) so what was the point of stating it?

And there were other people in the house. Her inlaws were in direct sight line of the shower.

How is that information relevant? Perhaps it doesn’t bother the OPs partner either if people come in when he’s in the shower, but it bothers the OP, she’s told him to stop and he continues to do it. You don’t have to feel the same way about something to respect a different point of view, it’s not rocket science.

No YANBU. You've told him you don't like it; that should be the end of it. DH and I have been together more than 30 years. I think he's come in twice in that time, once because I had norovirus and needed a bucket and once because he needed to take his lens out and he asked permission first. That's how it should be imo

We didn't have a lock on the bathroom door until we did a bathroom refurbishment about six years ago. If the door was shut we knew it was occupied. We only did it then because I was struggling with the door knobs we had on all the door (typical 1930s) and replaced all the handles and added the ones with locks on the bathrooms. Even now we don't tend to use the locks unless we have visitors.

@KettrickenSmiled @MarinoRoyale

'I don’t know if this is odd, I guess he thinks so . I’m just wondering if I am the odd one and other married couples don’t mind the other roaming in and out all the time or if I actually have a point.'

Erm... This was in the OP. This is what I was answering.

And it's the wrong answer.

It's obvious that OP has been undermined by her H for so long that she's no longer sure if it's reasonable to have a boundary about this door issue.

The correct answer is "it doesn't matter what PP think, it doesn't matter what your H thinks - YOU think it is unreasonable to have your closed door & your person disrespected - your H knows this damn well, but continues to undermine you & deliberately make you uncomfortable."

It's not about the bloody door.
It's about OP's H trampling her entirely reasonable boundary.
That is something he is doing purposely. The controlling twat.

I'd tell him off again for having no respect and I'd not care if the in-laws heard. Surely they don't behave in the same way.

I can see how, if he’s very relaxed about nudity, he might struggle to remember not to enter - DH and I wander in and out of the bathroom when the other is showering all the while with no bother. That’s not the case for you.

As it’s causing you distress, he needs to bloody well pay attention! The bolt can serve as a reminder that no, he’s not welcome.

Does he trample over your boundaries in other ways?

Your claim to fame OP

apple.news/ABFTWbYL1T_qjdSzFLScBzQ

Why on earth would like write a newspaper article about this??

I do think this is weird.

I don’t feel vulnerable/humiliated/upset when my husband sees me naked, showering, walks in on me changing, using the toilet etc.

Why would I? He’s my husband. If I did I would be questioning my relationships

It wouldn’t bother me either but it would if he made a point of disturbing me every time I was in there in addition to leaving the door wide open when guests were there!

And other people thinking watching each other take a dump takes a lot of the allure out of the relationship. Great that you like watching each other do that. I don’t. And luckily my DH doesn’t either.

I don’t particularly like watching my kids do it either, oddly enough - so they get full privacy too.

It’s not necessarily about feeling vulnerable. It’s about wanting privacy, pure and simple.

Your way isn’t wrong, although it’s not for me. But other people’s way isn’t wrong either.

To be honest, I’m glad we have a sliding door on our en suite that opens unless locked. It means you have to lock it.

No issue with him being around when I'm naked or getting dressed but using the toilet, no thanks. Only time that's happened was when I was ill and needed help.

I do understand why you’re upset. You’ve asked him repeatedly not to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable and he continues to do it. It kind of doesn’t matter what it is. It’s a control and consent issue. Is he like this about other things? If you got a lock on the door do you think he then start walking in on you getting changed or taking unflattering pictures of you all the time, or similar? If the answers is yes then there’s something wrong with him. I’d be furious about him leaving the door open when people were in the house. It’s very dehumanising.