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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this holiday situation

211 replies

holidaynightmare · 24/08/2022 00:05

I'll keep it brief

My husband and I have 2 kids age 7 and 4
We haven't been abroad since before COVID so my little one has never been

It's my husbands 40th and so we thought we'd go away

My best friend is getting divorced - she has 2 kids and doesn't want to go on holiday on her own

She thinks she is coming with us and j keep getting "oh the kids will be so excited" and "I'll have to come over so we can look online together"

I have several issues with this the biggest being I want us as a family to go as a Family not with her and her 2 kids (age 10 and the sulkiest 14 year old on the planet!!)

However don't want to upset her she's had a rough time but I want us to have family time, particularly as it's hubby's 40th

Am I being unreasonable???

OP posts:
MeriPenomause · 24/08/2022 00:07

How does she think she's going with you?

Newestname002 · 24/08/2022 00:11

Sorry OP. You're going to need to nip this in the bud now, kindly but as clearly and thoroughly as possible. Bad enough she's inviting herself and her children on your own precious family holiday, but this will set a precedent for the future if you allow it to go ahead. 🌹

Original poster
holidaynightmare · 24/08/2022 00:13

So I just said oh it's DH's 40th birthday next year so I'm going to plan something special for him and I'm met with a barrage of

Oh We'd love to come
The kids would be so excited
Where shall we go
Im not confident taking the kids on my own

Her ex never wanted to go on holiday now she's rid of him she wants to go but I don't want them coming with us!!!

We do lots of other things together but I just wanted this to be for our family
😱Another issue is my DH often works away so our family time is quite limited anyway

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 24/08/2022 00:13

You're not unreasonable to refuse to holiday together, but you're unreasonable to let her think it's going to happen.

Shinyandnew1 · 24/08/2022 00:14

She thinks she is coming with us

but how? Why?

It’s up to you to explain this isn’t happening

Meraas · 24/08/2022 00:20

Just tell her DH just wants it to be family only.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 24/08/2022 00:44

YANBU - you and your DH should go ahead and plan a holiday for your family.

But if she's your best friend, and saying that she'd like your company, and is a bit nervous about going on holiday as a newly single parent...
maybe you could maybe arrange a trip somewhere with her and all 4 kids (some time when your DH is working away so you won't be missing out on family time with him) - even just a short holiday for one or two nights, in the UK?
The experience of going away without a man might help her feel that it's something she can do by herself in future.
If either of you find it stressful/ strained (dealing with the sulky teen etc) then it'll help to make the point that a longer trip abroad isn't a great idea.
And if you both have fun and it's really successful, maybe you'll do it again. Without involving your DH/ eating into your family time...

Courtjobby · 24/08/2022 00:45

Can you tell her you would love to go for a weekend away with her next year but that for your big holiday it is just going to be your family as you haven't had a family holiday in so long.

cbatopainttheshed · 24/08/2022 01:04

Yep you're going to have to put big girl pants on and tell her straight.
"Sorry friend I think you've misunderstood, when I go away with family we want it to be just us as it's rare that we get the chance. I love you lots but our holiday is family only".

PicaK · 24/08/2022 01:08

Tell her it's just family only.
It is bloody scary going on holiday on your own though. Tell her about Campmates - they do single parent family holidays. Camping in the New Forest in the summer and Spain in October half term.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/08/2022 01:19

"She thinks she is coming with us and j keep getting "oh the kids will be so excited" and "I'll have to come over so we can look online together" ."
And when she says these things - what is your response? Because you should have responded with "why would they be excited at DH and I going on holiday?" or similar.

The longer you delay, the worse it will be for her. So get your finger out and TELL HER!

Vegay · 24/08/2022 01:50

Me: DP and I are going away for his birthday.

BF: Oh, that would be lovely, the kids and I are so excited.

Me: Wtf are you on about BF?

DP (after telling him) : Well she can get that out of her head for a start!

🤣

AgeofAdelaide · 24/08/2022 02:19

How about saying something along the lines of, “I’m sorry - I will be going just husband and family for his 40th but once I’m back we can browse together?” With the cost of living going in the direction it is, it will be easier to ensure that the second holiday doesn’t go ahead.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/08/2022 02:26

Just say no - it's DH birthday so it will be us 4 only, but I'd love to plan some weekend days for autumn (or whatever you would actually like to plan). Don't string her along about holidays next year, just lance the boil now.

Sometimes you have to disappoint people or upset them. It is just life. Woman up and tell her.

ClaryFairchild · 24/08/2022 03:02

So basically she thinks she's going with you because she has decided she is, and you've not actually told her "no".

You need to speak up. Sooner rather than later.

autienotnaughty · 24/08/2022 03:38

Not sure if this was a genuine accident on her part or if she's seen an opportunity and pushed for it? Either way you need to say;
"Sorry bf I think we have crossed wires? When I said about booking a holiday for dh 40th I meant just us for his birthday. But it would be lovely to go away together another time"

Thepossibility · 24/08/2022 03:44

“Bestie, if this trip was for my birthday, then I'd love to have you guys come. But this is for DH and he has his heart set on just family. Next time hey?"

GreenWheat · 24/08/2022 03:56

You need to just forge ahead and book it without her, then say "We've booked our family break for the 40th as it's family only, but why don't we book a weekend away in X month?"

Randomness12 · 24/08/2022 06:08

How on earth did this happen? I cannot imagine any scenario where this would be the outcome? Surely you said there and then “erm what, I’m talking about a family break?”

You also say that she keeps saying these things, how long have you let her think that this is going to happen for? This is very unfair of you.

Sounds like she got crossed wires and you didn’t correct her? YABU for that, and I imagine she will be both upset and embarrassed when you do. You need to correct her ASAP. Perhaps you could soften the blow with another getaway with just you two and the kids another time?

Shoxfordian · 24/08/2022 06:15

What did you say when she said that? You need to start using your words and being clear with her

Sorry friend, but we don’t want to do a joint trip

ApolloandDaphne · 24/08/2022 06:24

You need to tell her and do it soon. Plan another short trip away for another time but explain this one is just a family trip.

androbbob · 24/08/2022 06:26

OP once you have told her she isn't invited, you also need to be vague about where you are going otherwise she could book the same place or resort and turn up anyway 🤫

Whataretheodds · 24/08/2022 06:27

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 24/08/2022 00:44

YANBU - you and your DH should go ahead and plan a holiday for your family.

But if she's your best friend, and saying that she'd like your company, and is a bit nervous about going on holiday as a newly single parent...
maybe you could maybe arrange a trip somewhere with her and all 4 kids (some time when your DH is working away so you won't be missing out on family time with him) - even just a short holiday for one or two nights, in the UK?
The experience of going away without a man might help her feel that it's something she can do by herself in future.
If either of you find it stressful/ strained (dealing with the sulky teen etc) then it'll help to make the point that a longer trip abroad isn't a great idea.
And if you both have fun and it's really successful, maybe you'll do it again. Without involving your DH/ eating into your family time...

This.

MummaB22 · 24/08/2022 06:28

Awkward. Just say sorry bestie, must have been crossed wires. This is just a holiday for the family for his 40th as we haven't been away in years. Another time! Keep it brief and light hearted!

Allmarbleslost · 24/08/2022 06:45

You should have nipped this in the bud straight away really op. Speak to her asap before she tells her kids all about the wonderful holiday they're not going to have!