Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this holiday situation

211 replies

holidaynightmare · 24/08/2022 00:05

I'll keep it brief

My husband and I have 2 kids age 7 and 4
We haven't been abroad since before COVID so my little one has never been

It's my husbands 40th and so we thought we'd go away

My best friend is getting divorced - she has 2 kids and doesn't want to go on holiday on her own

She thinks she is coming with us and j keep getting "oh the kids will be so excited" and "I'll have to come over so we can look online together"

I have several issues with this the biggest being I want us as a family to go as a Family not with her and her 2 kids (age 10 and the sulkiest 14 year old on the planet!!)

However don't want to upset her she's had a rough time but I want us to have family time, particularly as it's hubby's 40th

Am I being unreasonable???

OP posts:
Cosycover · 25/08/2022 20:01

Well she's being ridiculously childish

Jack80 · 25/08/2022 20:33

I would try and do a trip with DH and family and a separate trip with her and her kids. Say DH booked something as a surprise for his birthday.

Blantw · 25/08/2022 20:50

Grow some and tell her. At the moment you are leading her long.

threatmatrix · 25/08/2022 20:53

Just show her laces she could not possibly afford

Ihearticecream · 25/08/2022 20:56

If your DH works away a lot cant just you, her and both sets of kids go away together separately?

sangletea · 25/08/2022 20:58

Go ahead and book your family trip but say you're up for a women/kids weekend in a cottage or something

Toadinthroat · 25/08/2022 21:05

holidaynightmare · 24/08/2022 23:37

A week or so
We have done a lot for her since she's been on her own
My DH hired a van )which she paid for) to help her move
We've had them over a lot for food

She just "assumed"
All very upsetting

Show quote history

I would repeat to her that you never said she could go and that she assumed. Hopefully she will realise you are right eventually and your friendship can mend x

cherish123 · 25/08/2022 22:42

I don't understand why she would think she is invited. If she wants a holiday, surely she can book one herself.

piefacedClique · 25/08/2022 22:57

Christ! Who put 10p in Endlesslypatient today! Quite unpleasant on a few threads I’ve read today!

AmISpeakingAnotherLanguage · 26/08/2022 01:07

piefacedClique · 25/08/2022 22:57

Christ! Who put 10p in Endlesslypatient today! Quite unpleasant on a few threads I’ve read today!

Proper LOL at this expression. I intend to use it in real life.

Scepticalwotsits · 26/08/2022 01:39

For those saying blame DH or say DH wanting it only family all you do is feed a narrative to your friends that you DH is controlling and won’t let you, do this often and your friend circle comes to resent your partner, this then causes conflict. Don’t do it.

be honest and tell her straight. Do not use a partner as a get out of jail lame excuse

Endlesslypatient82 · 26/08/2022 06:37

piefacedClique · 25/08/2022 22:57

Christ! Who put 10p in Endlesslypatient today! Quite unpleasant on a few threads I’ve read today!

Seriously? Not one deleted and in same vein as about 80% of the posters on this thread! 😂

ThePoetsWife · 26/08/2022 07:27

She was unreasonable for assuming.

You were also unreasonable for letting her believe she was coming for a week. Grow a backbone and start communicating better.

Thepossibility · 26/08/2022 07:42

Scepticalwotsits · 26/08/2022 01:39

For those saying blame DH or say DH wanting it only family all you do is feed a narrative to your friends that you DH is controlling and won’t let you, do this often and your friend circle comes to resent your partner, this then causes conflict. Don’t do it.

be honest and tell her straight. Do not use a partner as a get out of jail lame excuse

Because he's entitled to spend his big birthday with who he chooses?
I would think it was more controlling if OP insisted her friends came on his birthday trip when he wasn't keen.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/08/2022 07:49

You let her think it was happening for a whole week! I almost feel sorry for her.

Scepticalwotsits · 26/08/2022 08:05

Thepossibility · 26/08/2022 07:42

Because he's entitled to spend his big birthday with who he chooses?
I would think it was more controlling if OP insisted her friends came on his birthday trip when he wasn't keen.

Show quote history

way to miss the point.

PitifulPrincess · 26/08/2022 08:20

She's hurt and embarrassed but it's her own fault really. Hopefully you'll both learn a lesson from this, her to stop being a CF and you on how to say no straight away to avoid situations like this.

Meraas · 26/08/2022 08:44

AmISpeakingAnotherLanguage · 26/08/2022 01:07

Proper LOL at this expression. I intend to use it in real life.

Show quote history

Agreed. The relentless hounding of the OP by @Endlesslypatient82 is…odd.

Endlesslypatient82 · 26/08/2022 08:54

Not one of my posts have been deleted! No name calling, no abuse.

Meraas · 26/08/2022 08:56

So just sly then 🤷🏻‍♀️

Endlesslypatient82 · 26/08/2022 09:04

Meraas · 26/08/2022 08:56

So just sly then 🤷🏻‍♀️

Which ones 🤷‍♀️?

theremustonlybeone · 26/08/2022 09:17

I feel sorry for your friend, I worry that you actually made her think she was coming but your DH made clear it wasn't happening. Hence you not being sure how to tell her she was no longer invited. Her reaction seems extreme without another side

piefacedClique · 26/08/2022 09:38

I agree endlessly….. you weren’t the only one being unpleasant! it’s Aibu after all!.. the place people apparently come to when they want a good mixture of bullying and advice! Your comments just stood out particularly as I moved from one thread where your comments were ‘barbed’ straight to this one and …. Bingo!

@AmISpeakingAnotherLanguage ….. it’s brilliant isn’t I! I was creased when I first heard it used!

Anjelika · 26/08/2022 10:17

I agree with the PP who said the difference in ages of the 2 sets of kids wouldn't work.

I also fail to understand what's so "scary" about taking a 14 year old and a 10 year old away on your own! I'm currently doing just that with 15 and 12 year olds and there's no way they'd want to be sharing this holiday with 6 and 4 year olds.

Ishacoco · 26/08/2022 10:54

Who 'assumes' they're invited on someone else's family holiday?!?