To ask my sister to not walk around our house in states of undress!

[JenGin]

My younger sister often stays with us for a few days at a time as she lives fairly far away and we like to spend time together and have always been a close knit family.

The last few times she's obviously getting more and more comfortable and has starting coming downstairs in the mornings and evenings wearing her, really quite skimpy, pj's. I guess they could be described as lacy hotpants and a crop top. She's now even go as far as strolling around in just her underwear after her shower!

I have no insecurities about my husband being interested in her or checking her out but for some reason I am finding it a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unfair to consider asking her to at least put on a dressing gown? The most I've said is along the lines of "aren't you a bit cold in just that?" but she obviously didn't see it as a hint and continues to do it.

Is it really too different to her being in a bikini when we're all at the beach or does it cross some sort of boundary? I know that if I did bring the topic up she'd laugh it off and tell me I'm being a prude and genuinely not understand what the problem is. Maybe it isn't a problem and it's something I need to get over? I just don't know.

the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear

there aren't enough eye-rolls for this comment

Comparing her attire to beach wear is not relevant. Women go topless on the beach all the time. I wouldn’t dream of going round to a mates house and sitting there with my tits out.

Really? You sound ridiculous. Your sister visits you in your marital home and it’s ok for her to be walking about in her underwear? Why don’t you all go full nude then?

TBH it smacks a bit of exhibitionism to me. I’m not saying she’s after your dh, but maybe she likes to feel that he’s admiring her assets.

Pps who say there’s nothing wrong with it, and accuse the OP of prudery, are IMO wilfully choosing to misunderstand the issue.

To throw a spanner in the works we have both sunbathed topless in front of each others husbands so that's clearly going to illicit "he's seen far more in the past" response from her 😂

But in all seriousness it is different. A beach and somebody else's house come with different social restraints/norms, in my opinion.

I agree with this. It's disrespectful and she shouldn't do it.

Some MNers would truly have their minds blown if they spent much time in Germany or Sweden or some countries with healthier attitudes to the human body than Britain. The amount of pearl-clutching on this thread is ridiculous. Some of the language used... apparently she's "inflicting" her body on you? INFLICTING.

And of course there's the inevitable leap to "they're sleeping together, check their phones".

It seems no one's realised how hot it's been this month though? DP and I stayed with friends last weekend and everyone wore as little as they could decently manage - sports bra and running shorts for me. No one was doing it for attention, we were doing it because it was HOT.

Anyway. She's your sister. If you want her to put on a dressing gown surely it's easy to tell her. But she won't know you want her to unless you actually tell her. Until you do, it's not really unusual or out of line for her to dress skimpily in a heatwave among family.

In your opinion @JenGin do you think she has a better figure than you?

Why does that matter?

Erm...I'd say a slightly, I guess? We're pretty similar but she has a more toned tummy than me for sure.

Going down the jealously route, perhaps? I'm intrigued 😂

Your house your rules!

ah yes yes all women must be pitted against one another and can't say anything for fear of being jealous. Shove off.

"It seems no one's realised how hot it's been this month though? DP and I stayed with friends last weekend and everyone wore as little as they could decently manage - sports bra and running shorts for me. No one was doing it for attention, we were doing it because it was HOT."

Weird how some of us managed to keep clothes on huh? Almost like there are other ways of keeping cool that don't involved being undressed when a guest in someone else's house. Poor excuse.

I agree OP, it’s inappropriate. Otherwise why don’t we all go around half naked, including going to work like that? After all, if it’s indeed to do with the body shaming or non acceptance, our bodies should be accepted everywhere just like we want to dress them. I should be able to go to work wearing a crop top and underwear, but surely I can’t. Because it’s inappropriate. And no, things don’t magically change if you are in your sister’s home. Because it’s not your home and there are other people. OP’s DH for that matter. It’s poor manners and it’s attention seeking. And it’s OP’s home after all, where she establishes what she likes or not.

To add to the story, my BIL once did that. Woke up and with a big smile on his face, wearing a t shirt and boxers, went for a coffee. I mean… it’s funny really because I haven’t asked to be exposed to his underwear. I simply don’t need that. Even though no harm done, but cringe cringe cringe

Cool wife.

My DB’s family, but I wouldn’t wander around in skimpy underwear around his home and certainly wouldn’t want him to see me naked or even topless. It’s disrespectful and some things are private.

This would be a total non issue in our family. But each to their own.

It doesn't matter why you are uncomfortable or even if you are uncomfortable, it's your house. It doesn't matter if it's about clothes, or swearing, or picking toenails. If you don't want it in your house then you don't need a reason.

You could approach this from the angle that , it’s not respectful to her husband to be walking around half naked in front of other men ?

Has your dh not said that he thinks it’s inappropriate?

Raised eyebrows but he see's it the same way I do - that she's oblivious and just treating a family members house the way she treats her own. He hasn't asked me to say anything to her but I think he'll be more comfortable with her wearing a dressing gown. Poor guy is probably scared to look anywhere in case he's accused of checking her out 😂I know he's not, though, although not naive to the fact most (any?) man is going to glance at any attractive female in her undies!

Tell her not too if it’s an issue

"Maybe I too need to cover up a bit more when she's staying so as not to appear hypocritical, even if I don't fully agree that just because I do it means that she can too in my own house."

You see, this is the bit I find strange. Either you're super relaxed about these things and that's fine and noone feels uncomfortable. Or a bit more boundaried and that's fine and noone feels uncomfortable. But this comment just seems odd. Obviously it's your home. But I no more expect to go to someone's house and have them wandering around in front of me naked (just because it's their house) as I'd expect to sit in their lounge naked when they are fully clothed! You can argue you are intimate with your husband and your sister in different ways and hence you're not self-conscious in front of either. But that's a very your perspective point of view and if you are going to set this rule and then carry on in the same way yourself then it will just be awkward and make it seem like it's all about being jealous about your husband in some way. If you expect her to be a particular way with the two of you, you can hardly then sit around in next to nothing yourself, surely? That's just blimming odd. It's your house yes, but this isn't really the point is it?

@carrotsfortea Completely see where you're coming from. I'll skip from bathroom to bedroom in my underwear or nip to the kitchen quickly to get something but that's as far as it goes when she's staying. If she was doing that I wouldn't think anything of it. It's the prolonged lounging in her pj's or having a cup of tea where I feel a bit uncomfortable. She's not on her way to get dressed or anything, she's just comfortable hanging out like that.