To ask my sister to not walk around our house in states of undress!

[JenGin]

My younger sister often stays with us for a few days at a time as she lives fairly far away and we like to spend time together and have always been a close knit family.

The last few times she's obviously getting more and more comfortable and has starting coming downstairs in the mornings and evenings wearing her, really quite skimpy, pj's. I guess they could be described as lacy hotpants and a crop top. She's now even go as far as strolling around in just her underwear after her shower!

I have no insecurities about my husband being interested in her or checking her out but for some reason I am finding it a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unfair to consider asking her to at least put on a dressing gown? The most I've said is along the lines of "aren't you a bit cold in just that?" but she obviously didn't see it as a hint and continues to do it.

Is it really too different to her being in a bikini when we're all at the beach or does it cross some sort of boundary? I know that if I did bring the topic up she'd laugh it off and tell me I'm being a prude and genuinely not understand what the problem is. Maybe it isn't a problem and it's something I need to get over? I just don't know.

@Thestagshead

Short shorts and a crop top is normal clothing. It’s not some skimpy stripper outfit or anything lol. What is this the 20’s?

OP,

I don't agree with you at all here. You are absolutely out of whack if you don't think you set the tone.

If you wander around in your undies, you would be a complete hypocrite to tell her not to.

I'm not sure you understand social norms, be honest.

I really don't think she is. She's just doing what she does in her own home and see's her sisters house as a relaxed family environment. I'm not naive to think she doesn't know she looks good but she won't be trying to catch my husbands attention as she does it when he's not home too. It's just what she, and I, do. Difference being she seems oblivious to boundaries and circumstances!

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow

But why does it matter? Presumably her husband also sees other good looking and sexually desirable women and can control himself around them as well. What does it matter if he privately finds her sister attractive? They can all handle it (except op).

Seriously you think men are the ones who start things like dressing women in sheets then you hear stuff like this and maybe not.

You clearly missed the thong and bra. Cringing for you.

Well, you're backpedalling here a bit, OP.

Hot pants and a crop top is normal pyjamas? If you were sharing a room in a dorm, or with a friend and her bf/DH - is that what you would wear? Would you open the door to Deliveroo driver or postie wearing that?

OR might you choose normal shorts and a vest that weren't revealing your butt cheeks and tits?

About what? The thong and bra? Sorry if it seems that way but it isn't the case. I just wanted to clarify it's not ALWAYS underwear and mostly her PJ's, but as said before her PJ's aren't just short shorts, they're lacy hotpants which show a lot!

It matters because it’s disrespectful to OP.

It’s disrespectful to be doing something that purposefully tries to catch the attention of someone in a relationship - and I would say the same whether it’s man or woman.

What I don’t like is all this pretence of ‘she can do what she likes it doesn’t impact anyone’ - well it does, everyone is fallible to temptation - even if that temptation only remains as thoughts and looks rather than actions, why would any decent person want to encourage that in the partner of someone they care about?

Ok, you'd better speak to her then.

My last post was in response to @Tamzitface

I will do. We'll have a chat tonight and I'm sure it'll go fine, apart from perhaps a little bit of ribbing from her. I just wanted to see if I'm over reacting or being prudish. Judging by the mixed responses it was worth asking because there have been plenty of replies saying she should/can do what she's doing etc but I'd say the majority of replies echo what I think about it in terms of decency. I'd disagree with some regarding her motives but considering they're seeing this from an outsiders point of view without knowing my sister and our relationship that's completely understandable.

I use to live in a shared housing and never walked around like that, now I have my own house I do.

If I was visiting with family or friends I wouldnt.

I dont class it the same as a bikini because I have alsorts of different underwear and bar my period knickers (the thick kind with the absorbant lining) non are remotely like a bikini they are all thin material, some skimpy (little thongs, boy shorts where my ass hangs out etc...), alot are seethrough (mesh, lace, netting) etc... I have never seen someone on a beach in a see through 1 layer lace thong and matching bra.

Wouldn't bother me. Wouldn't bother me if my sister was naked in front of my husband, tbh.

Family is family. I expect my sister to behave at home as she does in hers.

And she does. It just happens to be leggings and baggy t-shirts for her (and me), we don't do sexy at home 😂

Would she potter about in just her underwear if she and your husband were alone together in the house? And if so, I wonder how her own husband might feel about that?

It sounds like an unconscious power trip thing to me. That's why it's making you feel weird.

There hasn't been a situation where I've been out and it's just the 2 of them in the house alone but if that did happen then yes she would still be doing it, as in her mind she's just doing what she does regardless of who's there.

@CatherinedeBourgh You wouldn't be bothered if your sister was naked in front of your husband?? Wow...that would definitely be way too much for me but it just goes to show how differently people view nudity. I guess there isn't a right or wrong...more about social norms.

This is sensible.

The way to think about it is - if you weren't married to DH and he was a newish bf, would she think it ok? Or if you had a young son at home, would she think it ok? Clearly boundaries do change even for families. Nothing wrong or shaming about it.

She knows exactly what she’s doing.

It’s inappropriate of her to walk around half dressed in someone else’s home. Yes a bikini top and bottoms are fine on the beach but not in someone else’s lounge.

I'm really failing to see how what the OP's sister does in her own house or what someone would wear to the beach has to do with how you behave in someone else's house. Even family.

It's not appropriate to walk around in someone else's house in what amounts to very skimpy underwear.

Would it be acceptable to turn up to a funeral in a bikini because it's acceptable wear on a beach? No of course not. Certain clothes and behaviour is only acceptable in certain situations.

I walk around naked in my own house and in front of my daughter when she's staying at my house. If I stayed at her house I certainly wouldn't walk around naked or in my underwear because her DP is there.

A bikini on a beach is ok. Not if you walked into a department store. Just quietly tell her.

You are right to feel uncomfortable. It is not the norm in society for people to be naked (or close to) except intimate couples or small children in front of parents. Anything else is uncomfortable with good reason. It sets off alarm bells frankly, about her, not you.

Sister being comfortable enough to walk around not wearing very much. Elsewhere on another thread a family member wearing a body suit without a bra (I thought they were made to be worn without bras!), do I detect a theme here?

Is there something in the air today?

oh FGS. She can prance around in her underwear in her own home. You don't do that in someone else's home! Seriously, where are your manners?

So you think it's ok to be walking around in your thong in someone else's house. Give over

Your house, your Roolz.

maybe remind your sister that you aren't both kiddies anymore living in your parents' house, you're adults so need to dress and behave like adults.

if she doesn't get that, then she shouldn't get to stay with you as she isn't being very respectful if you've asked her on numerous occasions to get dressed.