To ask my sister to not walk around our house in states of undress!

[JenGin]

My younger sister often stays with us for a few days at a time as she lives fairly far away and we like to spend time together and have always been a close knit family.

The last few times she's obviously getting more and more comfortable and has starting coming downstairs in the mornings and evenings wearing her, really quite skimpy, pj's. I guess they could be described as lacy hotpants and a crop top. She's now even go as far as strolling around in just her underwear after her shower!

I have no insecurities about my husband being interested in her or checking her out but for some reason I am finding it a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unfair to consider asking her to at least put on a dressing gown? The most I've said is along the lines of "aren't you a bit cold in just that?" but she obviously didn't see it as a hint and continues to do it.

Is it really too different to her being in a bikini when we're all at the beach or does it cross some sort of boundary? I know that if I did bring the topic up she'd laugh it off and tell me I'm being a prude and genuinely not understand what the problem is. Maybe it isn't a problem and it's something I need to get over? I just don't know.

@Vikinga Yes she very much see's my husband as an older bro and we've all spent a lot of family time together. To be honest my husband finds her a bit of an irritant and compares her to Rachel's sister in Friends!

So there's definitely no ulterior motive going on.

I will bring it up, though, (kindly) and I'm sure she'll straight away start covering up more when I do, but I think I'm going to be made to feel as if I'm over reacting over nothing by her, but as said on here, it is my house and if it makes me feel uncomfortable that's all that matters at the end of the day.

I'm also thinking back now and wondering if I do it too when she's there and I probably have which could lead to being a bit hypocritical, but I suppose that shouldn't matter regardless - my house, my rules!

Don’t understand all these body shaming comments . How many women would be very comfortable with their younger sister with a fab figure wandering around their house in lacy hot pants in front of their husband .Some people would say they wouldn’t mind at all, but I think a lot wouldn’t like it if they are being honest
You say she’s just oblivious to the fact you are uncomfortable, I’d say she’s well aware it’s inappropriate but for whatever reason she likes doing it , are you sure she doesn’t fancy your DH. What does he think about it
Tell her exactly how you are feeling, be nice and if she’s stroppy tell her you love her visits but you would prefer them not to be overnight for the time being. She either respects you or she doesn’t

This.

Its not the beach. Just because its acceptable at a beach, doesn't mean its appropriate in other places. I mean you wouldn't walk around Tesco doing your weekly shop in a bikini would you. Theres a time and place.

It is inappropriate in someone elses house to walk around in your undies or sexy nightwear. Its really not hard to throw on a dressing gown or wear less revealing pj's.

I have some lovely lacy type pjs, that i'd consider skimpy (and sexy). Wouldn't dream of wearing them and walking around in them when staying at someone elses house though.

I think she's doing this for attention. Everyone knows that you don't walk around someone else's house in your underwear, especially not when your hostess's husband is there. She'd have to be extremely thick to think that was OK. If she argues the toss, tell her you'll ask her husband what he thinks. I think he'll have an opinion on it, too.

Yes I'd find it inappropriate and be uncomfortable with her doing it around my DH. I trust my DH completely but come on - what red blooded male wouldn't notice a young woman walking around in her underwear?! I'm sure your DH is not oblivious.

I don’t even do that in my own house because I have windows that can be seen by neighbours, let alone in someone else’s house!

Nothing at all to do with body shaming, also I’d have the same feeling about a man going about in skimpy underwear.

It has everything to do with consideration for others.

Is etiquette deans modern society?

”deans” should have been “dead”

It shouldn't be about shame either way; its simply not culturally normal to walk around someone else's home wearing only underwear.

It's not the norm in many cultures (in fact I'd hedge a bet its not mainstream in any culture, though of course naturist subculture is more common and accepted in some countries).

I had a housemate once who made a big deal of her right to walk around in her knickers - it wasn't sexual, she wasn't after anyone's boyfriend or trying to pair off with anyone. It wasn't just her being comfortable in her skin though as there was no innocent nativity to it - it was pretty much her favourite topic of conversation, it was a sort of (non sexual) exhibitionism/ attention seeking I think as she definitely wanted to challenge people to admit that they were uncomfortable and shouldn't be. I initially thought I shouldn't be uncomfortable, but then I thought sod it it's my home too and we have equal rights to be comfortable - so I brought it up when all five housemates were home and it turned out everyone except her was uncomfortable. She always threw a t-shirt on after that but still loved to initiate conversation about her live of walking around (semi) naked.

You say she sees your DH as an older bro well I definitely wouldn't walk around in my underwear in front of my 2 brothers! Are you sure she's not doing it for attention/admiration from your DH? I had a friend who did this at my house. She claimed to be all innocent, talking about how the human body is nothing to be ashamed of etc but she definitely did it to get my boyfriend's attention. If he hadn't noticed her in her state of undress she'd loudly say something like "Oh I'm just taking my top off now. I'm much more comfortable in my bra" until he looked round and noticed her. I'm not sure any grown woman is that oblivious.

All of this. As for the body shaming comments ffs people really will clutch at straws to disagree with the op.

Depends what you mean by skimpy?

If it's vest top and shorts that's exactly what she'd be wearing in the summer in 'proper' clothes anyway albeit made of denim or linen. Not sure it's a big deal.

Exactly. It's a lack of respect for others to walk around in basically underwear.

I really would stop short of saying she's doing for attention, or at least attention off my husband. I do feel it's an oblivious thing but perhaps there's a bit of a "if you've got it flaunt it" attitude there?

Someone mentioned about if the roles were reversed. Would I feel the same if her husband walked around in his boxers? I mean, yes, I think I absolutely would. Would I think he's doing it to catch my attention and look at his body? Absolutely not.

Inappropriate, even if you lived on your own. It is your house and what makes you comfortable + basic decency rules/being a good guest etc.

Skimpy. As in literally thong and bra on the rare occasion but mostly her pj's which are hotpants and bralettes. She does it at her home all the time and I do too when nobody is staying but it's nothing something I'd want anyone other than my husband to see me in.

In my younger days I was a bit of a flirt to say the least. I know exactly what men are like because I’d wear skimpy clothes to encourage them (because I was an insecure idiot).

To roughly estimate, 10 percent at most would find me annoying, 30 percent would be respectful but still look, and the rest would be pervs.

I don’t think I’d ever have walked around in a thong though - that’s ridiculous!

I said YABU until you updated and said she is married. Assumed by younger sister you meant early teens.

YANBU if it makes you feel uncomfortable in your house.

Bloody hell - who walks around someone else's home in a thong?!

Not on. You need to tell her.
Nope just nope.

Thinking about it...I wouldn't mind if it were just me and her in the house. In fact we've done that loads before. So actually, I obviously do have some subconscious insecurities about my husband. Not that I think he's in any way interested or that she's trying to nab him. Just that I guess I don't like the idea of half naked women walking around in front of him.

JenGin a lot of people do things for attention without it being sexual though. My housemate was doing it for attention but not sexual attention - I think she actually liked making people feel a bit uncomfortable and forcing them to admit that their discomfort was "wrong" and her lack of discomfort with nudity was superior.

I wonder now what she'd have thought if we'd all started walking around in the same state of undress... I actually think she'd have been disappointed.

It's about what's appropriate in your house, end of story.

3rd thread in trending telling women how to dress.

Have I gone back in time?

Inappropriate. I'd not make a big thing of it, but hand her your dressing gown with a cheery 'here you go'. Should hopefully pick up the hint...

I'm really not sure this counts as "telling women how to dress".

Telling women, my sister, TO dress, perhaps!