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Original poster

To ask my sister to not walk around our house in states of undress!

157 replies

JenGin · 19/08/2022 10:53

My younger sister often stays with us for a few days at a time as she lives fairly far away and we like to spend time together and have always been a close knit family.

The last few times she's obviously getting more and more comfortable and has starting coming downstairs in the mornings and evenings wearing her, really quite skimpy, pj's. I guess they could be described as lacy hotpants and a crop top. She's now even go as far as strolling around in just her underwear after her shower!

I have no insecurities about my husband being interested in her or checking her out but for some reason I am finding it a bit uncomfortable. Am I being unfair to consider asking her to at least put on a dressing gown? The most I've said is along the lines of "aren't you a bit cold in just that?" but she obviously didn't see it as a hint and continues to do it.

Is it really too different to her being in a bikini when we're all at the beach or does it cross some sort of boundary? I know that if I did bring the topic up she'd laugh it off and tell me I'm being a prude and genuinely not understand what the problem is. Maybe it isn't a problem and it's something I need to get over? I just don't know.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 19/08/2022 12:04

It's inappropriate and you are not prudish for thinking (or saying) "Put some clothes on".

Obviously people don't waltz around in front of the BIL in their underwear ffs.

whynotwhatknot · 19/08/2022 12:08

your house your rules

Notonthestairs · 19/08/2022 12:08

MajorCarolDanvers · 19/08/2022 12:03

3rd thread in trending telling women how to dress.

Have I gone back in time?

Eh?

I have brothers. I wouldn't accept them lolling about on my sofas in their y-fronts.

It's not a hardship to sling a t-shirt on.

Need2P · 19/08/2022 12:09

I wouldn't like that either OP. I would say something.

LondonWolf · 19/08/2022 12:10

My teen wears skimpy PJs, far less fabric than I ever wore when I was her age. I'm sometimes a bit 😬. However this is her home and I'd never make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

Other peoples homes though? Absolutely not! Its nothing to with "body shaming" ffs, so irritating how every criticism has its own label designed to shut it down these days. It's to do with good manners and understanding that others have different levels of comfort around the body and how much is on display. It's not her job to challenge those discomforts. People are allowed to hold their own standards and have their own preferences, particularly in their own home.

phishy · 19/08/2022 12:10

I bet if you did the same in her house whilst husband was there, she wouldn’t like it.

AM453 · 19/08/2022 12:11

MajorCarolDanvers · 19/08/2022 12:03

3rd thread in trending telling women how to dress.

Have I gone back in time?

basic comprehension isn't your forte is it?

Original poster
JenGin · 19/08/2022 12:12

phishy · 19/08/2022 12:10

I bet if you did the same in her house whilst husband was there, she wouldn’t like it.

It would be a very interesting test, to be fair!

OP posts:
Bettyboop3 · 19/08/2022 12:13

moksorineouimoksori · 19/08/2022 10:58

What's wrong with your sister having body parts? I don't know, I just couldn't get worked up over this. I'm sure it will happen less over the winter months anyway! I suppose it's not a massive ask to request that she puts a dressing gown on, but I'd feel a bit like I was shaming someone for having a body, which we all do...

Doesn't mean you have to put it all on show does it? I'm sure you put clothes on before going out even though we all have bodies?

WonderingWanda · 19/08/2022 12:16

I think it is inappropriate of her to wander about in her underwear in front of you both. It is different to wearing a bikini on a beach. For those saying she shouldn't feel ashamed and it's no problem, do your family members all walk about naked then? Why stop with the underwear? Honestly, that would make my husband feel uncomfortable, he wouldn't know where to look. Just tell her it's not appropriate. I doubt very much she is after your husband but young women do like to feel the power of their amazing bodies by flaunting it a bit, I can remember being the same.....and I'm not saying they shouldn't but really not in front of your brother in law.

HarryPotterDucks · 19/08/2022 12:18

Dotjones · 19/08/2022 10:58

I don't mean to sound harsh but the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear. If she feels comfortable with little on, that's a good thing. People shouldn't be shamed into covering up, as you say, if she were at the beach you'd not bat an eyelid. She's comfortable with her body, good.

No it’s not.

its not appropriate.

neither is it appropriate to Go on the school run in a bikini.

nothing wrong with having moral standards of dress in areas around others

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/08/2022 12:18

To be honest my husband finds her a bit of an irritant and compares her to Rachel's sister in Friends!
So there's definitely no ulterior motive going on

Sorry, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee. She knows she's half dressed. She knows your husband is there and looking. And as for your husband saying that she's irritating, that's what they ALL say to deflect.

I hate to say this, but I would not be surprised if they were already sleeping together. But I'm old and cynical, and I have seen this ALL before. Get a look at their phones if you can.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/08/2022 12:19

This is a two-minute conversation, versus posting on MN for attention…

Marvellousmadness · 19/08/2022 12:21

She might not be interested in stealing your dh

But she is interested in showing him her body.

Its not a very sister like thing to do. Id tell her off a lonf time ago. Its weird behaviour

Dont give hints . Just be honest and tell her to cover up.

PuzzyGalore · 19/08/2022 12:21

I would buy a cheap dressing gown for your DSis to wear when she stays with you. No excuses then saying she's forgotten to bring one with her.

Original poster
JenGin · 19/08/2022 12:22

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 19/08/2022 12:18

To be honest my husband finds her a bit of an irritant and compares her to Rachel's sister in Friends!
So there's definitely no ulterior motive going on

Sorry, but you need to wake up and smell the coffee. She knows she's half dressed. She knows your husband is there and looking. And as for your husband saying that she's irritating, that's what they ALL say to deflect.

I hate to say this, but I would not be surprised if they were already sleeping together. But I'm old and cynical, and I have seen this ALL before. Get a look at their phones if you can.

Wow...

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy It's sounding out opinions about something before acting on it. Not attention seeking.

I don't think you've quite got the hang of things if you think every question posted is a plea for attention.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 19/08/2022 12:25

Dotjones · 19/08/2022 10:58

I don't mean to sound harsh but the problem is more your attitude to the shame of the human body than her walking around in her underwear. If she feels comfortable with little on, that's a good thing. People shouldn't be shamed into covering up, as you say, if she were at the beach you'd not bat an eyelid. She's comfortable with her body, good.

'If she feels comfortable' is irrelevant in someone else's house, the home owner's opinion should be paramount, she should not be made to feel uncomfortable in her own home to placate her sister. She covers up or she goes elsewhere is the simple solution.

Fink · 19/08/2022 12:26

You said that you walk around your own house with very little on. If you do that while she's visiting then I think it's unfair to ask her to cover up. She shouldn't be held to a different standard to you. But if you wear a dressing gown when she's there then I think it's fair enough to ask her to wear one too.

Pibble · 19/08/2022 12:27

Nah it's weird and i dont think it means you are insecure. I wouldn't want my bil to see me in a thong any more than i would want my own brother to, or any male family member. We're socially condition not to do it, it's normal to want some privacy, hence separate changing rooms etc exist.

JudgeJ · 19/08/2022 12:28

Munchyseeds2 · 19/08/2022 11:20

I walk around with not alot on when I in our home and we dont have visitors
Wouldn't dream of e er doing it in someone else's home
Just tell her to go put some clothes on!!

I have 'visitor pajamas', when I have guests, or I am a guest, these are what I wear, more substantial than my usual stuff!

SallyWD · 19/08/2022 12:28

Marvellousmadness · 19/08/2022 12:21

She might not be interested in stealing your dh

But she is interested in showing him her body.

Its not a very sister like thing to do. Id tell her off a lonf time ago. Its weird behaviour

Dont give hints . Just be honest and tell her to cover up.

Exactly this.

And a thong?! My God, not appropriate at all. Your DH can see her entire naked arse! You're not being prudish at all. It's weird.

By the way, men often say they're irritated by women they fancy. I've seen it a thousand times including with my ex. And soon as he criticised a woman I knew he was interested in her. I'm not saying your DH definitely fancies your sister of course...

Backtoreality1 · 19/08/2022 12:30

I am curious as to whether you both cover up when she is there? Or are you carrying on as normal. If you are walking around in underwear whilst getting ready etc then no real difference.

howdidigethere · 19/08/2022 12:30

Why is she doing this all of a sudden? You say she's got more comfortable but perhaps she's taken the 'my home is your home' policy too literally! It's no big deal for her to sling a bathrobe or big t-shirt on, is it? So why doesn't she?

Hoghedge10 · 19/08/2022 12:30

It's odd behaviour from the point if view that your sister is knowingly showing her body off to your husband.

I'm pretty comfortable in my body, however I would not dream of walking around in a thong in front of my BIL! I don't for one second think he would give two shiny shits although im pretty sure he would think I had lost my mind, however it would feel weird and uncomfortable for me. I kind of feel like that is the healthy attitude to have and your sister is behaving strangely.

I'm not saying your sister fancies your husband or is sleeping with him, but I do think there might be a bit of underlying sister rivalry on her behalf and she is showing off a little/liking the percieved on her part, attention?

If I was in your shoes I would feel uncomfortable and I probably would be a bit wary about it. Would I go checking phones and stuff, I'm not sure but I would be a bit aware and I would definitely ask my sister to wear some more appropriate clothes, even just normal PJ'S if she really feels she doesn't want to get dressed.

Thestagshead · 19/08/2022 12:30

Actually I think if you do it too it changes it totally. If you’re wandering round in a thong and hot pants I think she likely thinks it’s fine, as she normally does in her own home. I think if you ask her to cover up then you need to also when she’s there.

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