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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t do another holiday with my dad AIBU?

213 replies

Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:43

I’m 26 he’s 63
In fairness to my parents, yes they paid for the holiday and everything I wanted to do here but he’s been very difficult the last few days and any opportunity to moan and complain he has. I always offer to pay but tbh I don’t have the funds for it.

I’m argumentative I’m not gonna deny it, I get really snappy at times and sometimes he doesn’t get involved and just lets me rant but then at times he gets very rude so I get really angry

Yesterday we had a very large disagreement over dinner. He’s a germophobe and probably ocd too. I put my chicken on the edge of the plate. It was very close to the edge and he kept saying “that’s gonna fall off the plate” at least 3 times. So I snapped because stop telling me the same thing again and AGAIN. Then he tried to start up saying I had an “attitude” so of course I argued he’s causing the problem which he wasn’t having. The he complained I was “rude to the waitress” and I full well know I wasn’t he was just trying to create a problem where it wasn’t.

Later on my mum left us to try and figure it out and said “I’m not getting involved you guys can organise it” he just went on and on in circles that weren’t relevant saying things like “we put you through private education all your life do everything bring you on holidays never ask for a penny and you’re just being rude” etc etc. Then I said you’re just being pedantic and ridiculous he brought up my partners finances and paying his parents back again, irrelevant.

If I say something like “you’re being rediculous” all I get is “right but you’re not” so he never sees his own issue

So I said you’re ignorant and I’m not bothering coming with you again.

Later on he hugged me and said “I don’t want to keep arguing anymore” but I don’t feel I want to accept that because I’m sick of putting up with his behaviour. He can’t argue like an adult, I still won’t initiate conversation and it’s sort of ruining the last day of holiday

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2022 10:45

Go on holiday with your partner instead of your mum and dad-you might find things are simpler.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 16/08/2022 10:45

I'm wondering what kind of holiday your poor mum had...!

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2022 10:46

You are behaving like a brat
Pay for your own holiday and try to show a bit of gratitude

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2022 10:46

Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2022 10:45

Go on holiday with your partner instead of your mum and dad-you might find things are simpler.

Then they would have to pay for it themselves

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:46

DisplayPurposesOnly · 16/08/2022 10:45

I'm wondering what kind of holiday your poor mum had...!

It’s the only time I argued tbh most of the time I don’t bother even trying to get into it or I just walk away and don’t engage.

OP posts:
BoredWithLife · 16/08/2022 10:47

You're 26, I stopped holidaying with my parents at 16... why would you keep doing this?

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:47

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2022 10:46

You are behaving like a brat
Pay for your own holiday and try to show a bit of gratitude

I don’t think so, he’s pedantic af

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 16/08/2022 10:47

I think that you've come to an age were you should rethink going on holiday with them. You can't adjust your behaviour to suit his issues and he can't change, so you are at loggerheads. You should be out of the age of ranting, unless really serious. I often remind my DD that now at 26 she's a proper adult, so act like one.

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:47

I think if he's paying for everything you need to bite your tongue more.

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:49

They don't seem to see you as an adult

toomuchlaundry · 16/08/2022 10:49

Why do you go on holiday with them?

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:50

Ponoka7 · 16/08/2022 10:47

I think that you've come to an age were you should rethink going on holiday with them. You can't adjust your behaviour to suit his issues and he can't change, so you are at loggerheads. You should be out of the age of ranting, unless really serious. I often remind my DD that now at 26 she's a proper adult, so act like one.

I think it’s more him. With age he’s just more difficult. My mum just goes with the flow and offers up ideas he just gives nothing

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2022 10:50

You both sound like a bit of a pain in the arse to be honest! At least he tried to make amends later on presumably hoping the entire holiday wouldn't be ruined but you seem determined to keep up the argument and make sure the holiday is indeed spoiled.

Probably best if you don't holiday together again. Your poor mother will no doubt be relieved.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:50

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:47

I think if he's paying for everything you need to bite your tongue more.

I think it’s the last time now

OP posts:
SleeplessInEngland · 16/08/2022 10:51

Don't go on holiday with them. Whoever's right or wrong it's not worth it.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:52

Wishimaywishimight · 16/08/2022 10:50

You both sound like a bit of a pain in the arse to be honest! At least he tried to make amends later on presumably hoping the entire holiday wouldn't be ruined but you seem determined to keep up the argument and make sure the holiday is indeed spoiled.

Probably best if you don't holiday together again. Your poor mother will no doubt be relieved.

I’m normally very placid I just ignore him, or just don’t engage much over the years we’ve had no choice but to engage. He’s very stubborn and difficult and at times I just can’t engage anymore.

I often ignore him for my own mums sake

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/08/2022 10:54

So it's OK for you to be argumentative and snappy, and to 'rant' about things, but not for your dad to get irritated with that behaviour, @Snowflakewater? I suspect that what you are categorising as his rudeness is him finally having enough of your snappy, argumentative rants and snapping back.

It is also possible that you are both very alike, and this is what makes the relationship fractious. Either way, ranting, snapping and being argumentative are not going to make for a pleasant holiday for anyone, and if you can't refrain from those behaviours around your dad, the previous posters are right, and you should stop holidaying with them.

I also agree that, if you are having an all-expenses-paid holiday, the least that the people paying deserve is for you to behave politely during it.

Beachsidesunset · 16/08/2022 10:54

Sorry, OP, I think you're more alike than you'd care to admit.

Girlonatubetrain2 · 16/08/2022 10:55

You are 26 years old. As an adult, pay for your own holidays or show some gratitude that others have paid for you and stop arguing with them - you chose to take a free holiday.
You sound like a brat - all PPs are telling you yabu and yet you still insist your dad is wrong. I can only imagine how argumentative you are being with him then

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:57

Beachsidesunset · 16/08/2022 10:54

Sorry, OP, I think you're more alike than you'd care to admit.

Oh I know I’m like him. The issue is it’s him I’ve learnt that from, yet he thinks I’m just magically like this and he had no involvement as usual. I have vowed that I’m not interested in working through the issues until he accepts he’s part of the issue

OP posts:
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 16/08/2022 10:57

don't go on holidays with them. problem solved

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 10:58

It's time to grow up

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:59

Girlonatubetrain2 · 16/08/2022 10:55

You are 26 years old. As an adult, pay for your own holidays or show some gratitude that others have paid for you and stop arguing with them - you chose to take a free holiday.
You sound like a brat - all PPs are telling you yabu and yet you still insist your dad is wrong. I can only imagine how argumentative you are being with him then

hes pedantic. Which becomes difficult and it’s fine to tell someone something once repeatedly it becomes annoying. Then throwing up I’m privately educated, a choice he made for me as a minor.

it’s funny because my mum and me know how to resolve things like adults. But he can’t. I say something like “you’re being unreasonable” his response is “yeah so you’re not”

it goes on and on.

OP posts:
JustJustWhy · 16/08/2022 11:00

Ignore comments from people who say you shouldn't be holidaying with parents because of some invisible cut off age. I still go on holiday with mine and I love it (though I do often have to bite my tongue). I'm dreading the day it will no longer be an option.

PuntasticUsername · 16/08/2022 11:00

“we put you through private education all your life do everything bring you on holidays never ask for a penny and you’re just being rude”

This bit jumped out at me. Does he think that paying for everything means he gets to dictate your behaviour, and that you should happily put up with it when he's being annoying?