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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t do another holiday with my dad AIBU?

213 replies

Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 10:43

I’m 26 he’s 63
In fairness to my parents, yes they paid for the holiday and everything I wanted to do here but he’s been very difficult the last few days and any opportunity to moan and complain he has. I always offer to pay but tbh I don’t have the funds for it.

I’m argumentative I’m not gonna deny it, I get really snappy at times and sometimes he doesn’t get involved and just lets me rant but then at times he gets very rude so I get really angry

Yesterday we had a very large disagreement over dinner. He’s a germophobe and probably ocd too. I put my chicken on the edge of the plate. It was very close to the edge and he kept saying “that’s gonna fall off the plate” at least 3 times. So I snapped because stop telling me the same thing again and AGAIN. Then he tried to start up saying I had an “attitude” so of course I argued he’s causing the problem which he wasn’t having. The he complained I was “rude to the waitress” and I full well know I wasn’t he was just trying to create a problem where it wasn’t.

Later on my mum left us to try and figure it out and said “I’m not getting involved you guys can organise it” he just went on and on in circles that weren’t relevant saying things like “we put you through private education all your life do everything bring you on holidays never ask for a penny and you’re just being rude” etc etc. Then I said you’re just being pedantic and ridiculous he brought up my partners finances and paying his parents back again, irrelevant.

If I say something like “you’re being rediculous” all I get is “right but you’re not” so he never sees his own issue

So I said you’re ignorant and I’m not bothering coming with you again.

Later on he hugged me and said “I don’t want to keep arguing anymore” but I don’t feel I want to accept that because I’m sick of putting up with his behaviour. He can’t argue like an adult, I still won’t initiate conversation and it’s sort of ruining the last day of holiday

OP posts:
pumpkinpie01 · 16/08/2022 11:14

Do you live with them too ? If so space would probably have been a good idea instead of more time together. I wouldn't holiday with someone I regularly fall out with , kind of defeats a holiday

babba2014 · 16/08/2022 11:15

This one is a silly example.
You should have moved your chicken a bit and said okay and that would be it. It seems like tit for tat when you can choose to avoid these arguments. It's a non issue with this one.
He paid for everything and this is a little thing he said, nothing big. I would be more grateful.

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 11:15

Of you get so argumentative with each other why go at all?

I don't agree with PP around adult children going on holiday with parents, I love going on holiday with my parents and have done so throughout my 20's and 30's. But I get on with mine

Blueeyedgirl21 · 16/08/2022 11:15

You sound like a spoilt brat
do you not have friends or a partner to go away with

Babyroobs · 16/08/2022 11:17

Your poor mum. You both sound like a couple of squabbling kids.

Calyx72 · 16/08/2022 11:19

He's got OCD so he can't stop telling you about the chicken until it's moved. Why not just move it the first time?

You sound like the issue, sorry

SofiaSoFar · 16/08/2022 11:20

@Snowflakewater

It's a bit confusing, OP, because first you said:

I’m argumentative I’m not gonna deny it, I get really snappy at times and sometimes he doesn’t get involved and just lets me rant but then at times he gets very rude so I get really angry

And then you said:

I’m normally very placid I just ignore him...

I think you should maybe leave them to holiday alone in future.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:24

Calyx72 · 16/08/2022 11:19

He's got OCD so he can't stop telling you about the chicken until it's moved. Why not just move it the first time?

You sound like the issue, sorry

That’s his problem. Not mine.

OP posts:
hangrylady · 16/08/2022 11:24

Bet your mum was just sat there dreaming of doing a Shirley Valentine with the waiter! Seriously 27 is too old to be holidaying with parents unless part of a bigger group. Also free holiday, just suck it up TBH.

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 11:25

That’s his problem. Not mine.

Now you just sound nasty.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:25

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 11:15

Of you get so argumentative with each other why go at all?

I don't agree with PP around adult children going on holiday with parents, I love going on holiday with my parents and have done so throughout my 20's and 30's. But I get on with mine

It’s not about getting on with them, it’s just these arguments happen sometimes out of stubbornness from both sides.

i care about my mum and dad. But I’ve never been super close to him and sometimes I wish we got on all the time but that’s just not the case

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 16/08/2022 11:25

You're an adult, so it's obviously time to stop going on holiday with your parents!

Hoppinggreen · 16/08/2022 11:26

downfield · 16/08/2022 10:49

They don't seem to see you as an adult

Funny that

TempName01 · 16/08/2022 11:26

are you the same OP whose dad told to cover her food because there was a fly in the room?

I wouldn’t go on holiday with them, he sees you as a child who needs to be told chicken is on the edge of her plate, I would probably have snapped too. I argued a lot with my dad when I was teens to early 20s but we have a good relationship since I moved out.

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:26

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 11:25

That’s his problem. Not mine.

Now you just sound nasty.

No, it’s not nasty. You can’t inflict it onto others. My mum said to him “if it’s gonna drop let it drop. It’s not your problem. It’s up to her don’t keep pushing your opinion onto someone who doesn’t want it. Just leave it and don’t go on and on”

So that’s the case. He’s no saint and tbh no I’m not listening to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:27

TempName01 · 16/08/2022 11:26

are you the same OP whose dad told to cover her food because there was a fly in the room?

I wouldn’t go on holiday with them, he sees you as a child who needs to be told chicken is on the edge of her plate, I would probably have snapped too. I argued a lot with my dad when I was teens to early 20s but we have a good relationship since I moved out.

I’ve started looking at places to move anyway. It’s just a long time coming.

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 16/08/2022 11:28

It sounds like you are the problem here.

Your mum probably just goes along with whatever you say but your dad sticks up for himself which you don’t like.

What does your partner say when you two are arguing?

I feel sorry for your mum.

What is the reason you go on holiday with them?
Surely what you find fun is going to be completely different then what they do.

In future just go on holiday with your partner and only visit them for the day.
You and your dad clash - you know it so stop putting yourself in this position.

RewildingAmbridge · 16/08/2022 11:28

You sound very immature for 26. Time to get some life experience on your own

FieldOverFence · 16/08/2022 11:28

At 26 you can (should?) make your own holiday plans and pay for them. Put this one down to experience, you & your dad rubbing each other up the wrong way, and sort out your own holiday next time

girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 11:28

@Snowflakewater oh so because your mom lets you be crappy to him it's ok?

You could have avoided the whole situation in 0.2 seconds but instead you chose to act like an insolent child.

1DoesNotSimplyWalkIntoMordor · 16/08/2022 11:29

You say he's a germophobe and probably has OCD, knowing that I would have just moved the bloody chicken. One less argument over nothing especially at a dining table.

HotHeatDays · 16/08/2022 11:29

Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:24

That’s his problem. Not mine.

Show quote history

Empathy not your strong point either then?

Original poster
Snowflakewater · 16/08/2022 11:29

SunnyD44 · 16/08/2022 11:28

It sounds like you are the problem here.

Your mum probably just goes along with whatever you say but your dad sticks up for himself which you don’t like.

What does your partner say when you two are arguing?

I feel sorry for your mum.

What is the reason you go on holiday with them?
Surely what you find fun is going to be completely different then what they do.

In future just go on holiday with your partner and only visit them for the day.
You and your dad clash - you know it so stop putting yourself in this position.

Explain how I’m the issue. I just don’t see it. He can’t demand respect if he can’t give it out.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/08/2022 11:29

And tbh he was probably pissed off at the idea that you don't care if your food goes to waste because he's paid for it

Sparklybutold · 16/08/2022 11:29

@Snowflakewater

Have you thought about therapy for you and your dad?