Can’t do another holiday with my dad AIBU?

[Snowflakewater]

I’m 26 he’s 63
In fairness to my parents, yes they paid for the holiday and everything I wanted to do here but he’s been very difficult the last few days and any opportunity to moan and complain he has. I always offer to pay but tbh I don’t have the funds for it.

I’m argumentative I’m not gonna deny it, I get really snappy at times and sometimes he doesn’t get involved and just lets me rant but then at times he gets very rude so I get really angry

Yesterday we had a very large disagreement over dinner. He’s a germophobe and probably ocd too. I put my chicken on the edge of the plate. It was very close to the edge and he kept saying “that’s gonna fall off the plate” at least 3 times. So I snapped because stop telling me the same thing again and AGAIN. Then he tried to start up saying I had an “attitude” so of course I argued he’s causing the problem which he wasn’t having. The he complained I was “rude to the waitress” and I full well know I wasn’t he was just trying to create a problem where it wasn’t.

Later on my mum left us to try and figure it out and said “I’m not getting involved you guys can organise it” he just went on and on in circles that weren’t relevant saying things like “we put you through private education all your life do everything bring you on holidays never ask for a penny and you’re just being rude” etc etc. Then I said you’re just being pedantic and ridiculous he brought up my partners finances and paying his parents back again, irrelevant.

If I say something like “you’re being rediculous” all I get is “right but you’re not” so he never sees his own issue

So I said you’re ignorant and I’m not bothering coming with you again.

Later on he hugged me and said “I don’t want to keep arguing anymore” but I don’t feel I want to accept that because I’m sick of putting up with his behaviour. He can’t argue like an adult, I still won’t initiate conversation and it’s sort of ruining the last day of holiday

He can’t argue like an adult

To be fair, neither can you.
It's your mother I feel sorry for here.

If you no longer want to go on holiday with your dad, just stop going.
There! - your problem is sorted.

That’s his problem. Not mine.

Even your replies sound so immature and entitled.

I can see why your dad thinks you’re a brat and calls you out on it.

I’m sure he’s no angel as no one is but maybe it’s time you reflect on your own behaviour and see how you are in the wrong.

I wonder why ...? 😂

Do you still live at home?

My head hurts just reading all that. You sound like a petulant teenager.

Yes according to the OP

I think you just need to stop holidaying with them.

Lots of us get annoyed by our parents and that's why it can be best to take a step back when you're old enough. I don't think I would holiday alone with my parents now, only as part of a family holiday with siblings and partners.

Yes your dad sounds pedantic but you equally don't need to be there to subject yourself to a week of what you likely know will be you both feeling irritated by each other. He's not going to change and neither are you, so just stop the holidays. It's too much intense time together.

You sound far off from 26. You come off extremely immature.
Do you work ? Have you a friend or partner to go away with to give your parents a break ? I’m sure it wasn’t a great trip for Them having their 26 year old tag along

I stopped holidaying with my parents when I was about 14. Why are you still going?

You're an adult, pay for your own holiday or don't go!

He’s the parent here though

What is it that makes you keep going on these holidays?

You really need to grow up a bit.

You accept that you are just like him - but then wish to pretend it's his fault that your behaviour is petty & argumentative?!

When you start accepting responsibility for your own actions, people might start treating you as the adult you are meant to be.

Would love to see the dad's AIBU here.

OP - stop behaving like a child. Pay for your own holidays ("i offer but i can't afford it" - utter piffle)

Well dads have a habit of turning into grumpy old gits. Your mum has to put up with it day after day. Keep it light and say Dad this is your third moan today let's not spoil Mums holiday. Make him realise each time he moans you're counting, not challenging but clocking it

Well dads have a habit of turning into grumpy old gits

Stereotypes 101 and completely not true

He literally is like a puppy with my mum and my mum will firmly put him straight if he’s rude he knows not to mistreat my mum too because she’ll stand her ground there and then with it my mum doesn’t take any bs.

I only ask because I used to feel a lot of pressure to be present for my parents and thought they wouldn't do as much/enjoy it the same if I wasn't there as well, even if I didn't really want to go.

But as I've got older I've realised it isn't my responsibility to prop them up and they are free to do things or not without me. And that actually me being there in a moody capacity actually makes it worse for everyone.

My H and our 24 year old son have a similar dynamic-- they are actually very similar personalities. We've paid for the odd holiday for all of us since he was 16 but tend to give him plenty of space to do whatever and see him in short doses- I don't think 24/7 works well with different generations- my H gets irritated that he will sit looking at his phone in a cafe etc- so he will stop and then they will have a disagreement about politics or something similar. It makes it a total joy sapping experience for me, which is why we do it rarely and then limit the time spent together

Yeah not all dads are grumpy and zometimes he’s a really cool person to be round but sometimes he’s not.

And you are a 26 year old adult. Stop freeloading and pay for your own holidays, without your parents.
Offering to pay when you can't is very disingenuous, I wonder if your parents would also rather holiday alone but don't know how to tell you without causing upset.

Bloody hell OP, at 26 you should not be this involved or invested in your dad's eccentricities. He's allowed them and as you are now an adult he's under no obligation to change given you don't actually live with them anymore.

If you don't like his behaviour, don't go on holiday with him. Simple. They are doing you a favour by inviting and paying for you and if his core personality grates you don't have to accept it. You should be more independent with your parents but I susie t you have not grown out of the adult- child mentality because you still take money from them. You're far too old to be putting your mum under this stress - it's her holiday too. He isn't going to change, he has no incentive to - all you're doing is making yourself miserable and angry and causing upset to your mum.

Your dad controls things with money so stop taking it and stand on your own feet.

My mums the reason why I go

If I remember correctly, the OP is a teacher.

I get that, but he needs to understand not everyone’s beliefs are the same. If the food falls off the plate I’ll pick it up and finish it. I don’t need to be told like I’m 5 years old on repeat. It’s too much.

You obviously don't get that - or you'd stop doing it.

You seem more committed to stubbornly not adjusting the placement of a piece of chicken on a plate than in not causing an argument.
It would be SO EASY to suck up your dad's nagging (you say it is OCD so it's hardly fair of you to use it to wind him up with) with a "cheers dad" & move your chicken. How hard is that FFS?

But you are incapable of making than tiny, unpimportant adjustment. Not even for your poor mother's sake. You'd rather make a giant show out of it, because your adolescent desire to not "obey" your dad's annoying but simple request is bigger than your wish for family harmony.

If you stopped making these ridiculous & pointless stands, you could avoid a lot of conflict.

I had to stop reading all the reply’s when you kept constantly using the word pedantic 100 times like you’ve just learnt the word. But your behaving like a spoiled 6 year old not a 26 year old , how hard really would it have been to just slide your chicken onto the plate properly to save the whole family having to sit through all the misery of you are your dads tantrums. You sound as bad as each other but the way you go on makes you look like a spoiled brat Imo