To ask for your quotes from narcissistic mothers

[itsgoodtobehome]

Slightly tongue in cheek. My DM is a total narcissist which I'm mostly used to now, but every now and then she comes out with a new classic which makes even me wince.

So, next weekend, DM has invited me and DSis and our families for lunch to mark a family birthday. 9 of us in total, including kids. DM was telling me the other day what she was planning to serve for lunch. She mentioned a particular thing as a starter, which is quite an acquired taste. I know for a fact that my DDad and DH don't like it, and the 3 kids won't eat it. So basically 5 out of 9 guests don't like this dish. I told her this was a bit of a waste.
Her response: 'but I have planned this menu to look a certain way, and it won't look right if I don't make this dish'

So she is quite prepared to have most of her guests not eat something just so her menu 'looks good'. I give up. Has anyone else got batshit mothers who only think of themselves and nobody else?

If you lost some weight you might get a boyfriend. I was about 13 and a size ten. She was a size 8 and fixated on my weight even now. It kills her that I've gained so much weight due to a medical issue I've been having.

Reading this reminds me of almost every interaction with my mother… she always brings it back to her and how flawless she is….

This post is more appreciated than you’ll ever know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It became vital to me to break the cycle of emotional abuse.

I can still remember having the maturity, even as a child, to think to myself when my mother was at her worst, I will NEVER behave like to my children. I’m not the perfect parent at all. I’ve made some huge mistakes and not always handled things well. I’ve lost my temper and occasionally been irrational - but I’ve never been cruel or spiteful. I’ve always hoped that my children want to visit me because they enjoy my company rather than a sense of duty or guilt and that, if they wanted to, they could ask my opinion without fear of judgement, criticism or my own self interest.

This last one resonates particularly with me as I had an opportunity many years ago to work overseas. My mother became hysterical and told me, “I might as well go right now and lay down on the railway lines if you’re leaving” What a disgusting threat to make to anyone.

When I got pregnant for the first time three years into my marriage phoned my mum. When I told her the reply was I'll have to think about this and she Hung up.

Later I was told when baby arrived she had been pregnant at the exact same time but had miscarried. So all about her again sigh

“Yes, I understand you’re in a women’s refuge with the children, but he (my abusive ex we were hiding from) was going to help me move house next month and now I suppose I’ll have to find someone else…”

She also told loads of people lots of very personal and upsetting information about me that ex had done to me. And then got upset because she was traumatised by what we had gone through. In fact she argued it was more upsetting for her than anyone else. Frankly, she’s lucky I still speak to her although our relationship has been hanging by a thread for years.

Have you ever considered just letting her go NC with you and then not resuming contact? I was similarly exhausted with my narc mother. She rang me to tell me she was disowning me and I said “fine, if that’s what you want.” She died 5 years later, still NC. It was so peaceful without all the drama.

^This was my dad! He went on to do A levels at the same time as me too. His certificates were framed and hung on the dining room wall. Mine were put into a drawer.

Insists on spelling my ds her gc's name wrong despite lots of prompts on the spelling. This is how he abbreviates his name. e.g. Alistair becoming Ali but she constantly writes Allie. He's 12 and keeps saying why won't granny spell my name correctly. He has always used the abbreviation

My own dm was a marvel and wonderful.

These comments remind me of my mil. All road lead back to mil!

Thank you everyone for sharing. I am just wondering how everyone deals with it when they hear horrible comments from other parents towards their children now, and they brush them off as jokes but to me they nasty. I can't tell if I am being oversensitive, but someone recently told me she tells her kids frequently she prefers one over the other and I was listening thinking 'you arsehole' but I never know what to say in the moment. This happens a lot

There was a TikTok and Instagram thing recently where people would post a video of an angelic child doing something sweet, with the caption ‘the child that made me think I wanted a big family’
then it would fit to another child doing something naughty and the caption ‘the child that made me realise 2 was enough’

every time I saw one of those, I got a cold chill because I just know that’s the sort of thing my mother would have said to my youngest sibling. But even she didn’t share it with the entire world in a video
Hideous

so glad these comments are deemed unacceptable.
where I grew up in a small insular town these sort of comments in a lot of cases would have been considered normal(and unfortunately still are by some).they also came from friends, other peoples parents,other relatives and you were considered thin skinned if you were upset ("they didnt mean it,why are you upset"etc)

Jesus. You must be one strong lady to be standing after all that.

Are you me? Yes, this is typical in my experience and from various other experiences of people on the Out of the Fog forum.

"You arsehole" would be the perfect response int he moment @coffeeisthebest!

@JohnPrescottsPyjamas glad it hit home with you

I've 'seen' you elsethread - you are ace.

These mothers are just so ... suffocating & enraging!

My mother is ashamed of the way I make a living, she lies to everyone, not even my sister knows what I do.
My mother says she would be "mortified" if her friends found out. She has told some of her friends I am a fire fighter, but mostly work from home.
Pity as I am rather proud of my work.

Thank you so much for the lovely comments, its sad but almost comforting to know so many of us have experienced a difficult mother .
Some other classics from mine, "if things girls like you kept their knickers on, things like this wouldn't happen" (being groomed and abused)

"You're the town bike" (I got a lift home from a male friend)

"I can't understand why you get nice male attention" (said in complete genuineness, she really couldn't understand)

"Do you not think boys wanted me at your age?" (Said whilst preening, I replied "no")

Oh I forgot the #1 Greatest Hit, when reading the newspaper report about the abuse I suffered, she read it outloud, she got to the section that said the abuse took place in two different locations and she looked at me absolutely furious and said "better not have happened in MY house"
As if I had just snuck a lad over for fun

"I have four children because I'm a VERY good mum. I just wouldn't have been able to have this many children if I wasn't a REALLY REALLY GOOD MOTHER!!"

When waiting for tests because the Dr thought it was possible I had cancer" ill be taking you to court for custody, your DD doesn't deserve to see you waste away infront of her" then I didn't hear from her for 9 months

"I'm an earth angel, I was sent here for everyone else's benefit. My sole purpose in life is to make sure everyone else is taken of"
My mother was a neglectful, mentally, physically abusive woman our entire childhood, and I practically brought up her 3 subsequent children.

"Its not your fucking business to tell people my husband isn't your father. Don't shut shame me" all I did was tell someone her husband wasn't my dad. I didn't share that me and my siblings all had different dad's, or that her husband was my dad's brother.

Complete bat Shittery.

'I'll drop your DS's birthday presents off early, that way the thank you letters won't be delayed'

After my mother tells me she is going to spend Christmas with someone who has small children because Christmas isn't Christmas without them:
Me (infuriated by her insensitivity): "it's not my fault I couldn't fucking have children!"
Her: "Don't you swear at me!"
That remains the only conversation we have ever had about my infertility.

Me: Happy Christmas! Btw I’m in hospital with [life threatening illness]
Her: well I don’t know what that is but your brother’s really ill with tonsillitis
😖

Not mum, mil -
Had a very heavy bleed when pregnant and was told at A&E it was a miscarriage as hcg was low. Booked for a scan to check. Went for scan, baby was well but possibly a twin I may have lost.
Went to her house to tell her the news.
She didn't ask about the scan, spent 30 mins saying how awful work was, how sad she was she couldn't buy a new car as her sister had, how she hated her 6 bed house.
Dh chimed in "baby is fine by the way"
Her response word for word-
"Thank god, I cannot deal with anything else going wrong for me at the moment. That might have tipped me over the edge".

When we told her we were having a girl she also said - "
ah, never mind. Wasn't ever going to get my way was i".