To think its not very considerate?

[inpixiehollow]

DM sent a message to me earlier saying she is booking a meal out so the family can all meet DB's girlfriend. She's booking the table for 7/7:30 apparently and can we let her know if me, dp and our two very young children (2 and 9mo) will be coming..
she knows my 2yo goes to bed around 8pm and as much as I don't mind her being out of routine for one night, she does get emotional and ratty when tired so it just wouldn't be an enjoyable experience for us to have her there. I also think its unfair if I go and my partner has to stay to look after the two children. We have no suitable babysitter unfortunately.
We are the only ones who have young children who would be attending and we don't have many family outings. I just feel like its a bit unfair, AIBU to expect some consideration and maybe book the table for earlier in the evening? Say 6pm?

It's not unfair for them to book a meal when they like. And it's not unfair for you to decline the invitation if that suits you.

Did you ask if the meal could be earlier?

Booking a meal for 7 already sounds like they are making accommodation for you.

Could you not do lunch?

Why is it 'unfair' for your DH to look after his own children?

6pm is far too early for dinner out for most adults.

DH can stay home or feed Dd earlier & just let her have a small bowl of something to nibble on or share yours, take plenty of things to amuse her (high value that she doesn't usually get to play with) she might fall asleep on someone's lap.

I also think its unfair if I go and my partner has to stay to look after the two children.

Eh? Come again? So you can never do something on your own, and he can't either? Is your partner not capable of parenting his children for a couple of hours on his own? It makes perfect sense that you go and meet your brother's girlfriend.

You sound super precious OP, you're not the first person in the world to gave a small child. Feed her first, take a buggy & she can sleep in that at the side of the table, or your dh can stay home & parent his kids.
Your family are not being unreasonable.
You are.

As you are the only ones to have young children then yes, of course you are being unreasonable. Why should everyone else pick a less convenient time for them to accommodate one family member who has a strange concept of not wanting their partner to ever take care of the children?

You are going to have to sort a babysitter at some point so why not look into it for this? 6pm for dinner with adults is ridiculously early.

I wouldn't want to take 2 young kids out for dinner either but I'd just go on my own and leave DH with the kids (if it were my family meal - and he'd do the same if it were his family) or we'd just decline altogether and suggest meeting up for tea and cake in the afternoon.

It's a dinner, 6pm would be far too early and this dinner is about your brother and his new gf, not you.

As others have said you have three options:

• decline
• your husband looks after the children
• you find a sitter

Won't people still be at work at 6pm?
Your children will be fine-take them- they need to be adaptable in life.

Or why dont you offer to host everyone?

You go to the meal. Your boyfriend looks after the children. It’s possible that the other adults have other commitments that mean it can’t be earlier. If your mother is organizing it then she gets to pick the time. There’s nothing to stop you inviting your brother and his girlfriend to your house during the daytime one day.

Yes YABU

How about people who will only be finished work at 6pm? Are you giving them any consideration?

Suck it up and take the kids - it's one night you can manage.

Or let your DB stay home (I get why you're saying it's unfair, but that's the reality of having kids, sometimes one of you is going to have to miss out to look after the kids).

DH that should say

Nothing unfair about your partner minding his own children for a few hours while you have dinner with your family, is there ?

You have FOMO. Either leave the children with your husband or decline the invite.

Just go yourself or decline - I would happily use the dcs bedtime as an excuse to get out of a meal with my family tbh! But if you want to go you should just leave them with your Dh - or are you one of those couples who can’t do anything apart?

This

Yeah sorry I don't see the issue. Either take kids, just u go or none of u go. I don't think it's reasonable to expect everyone to fit round you. It's a normally evening meal time.

Can't get past it's unfair for DP to look after two children.

YABVU

Since she didn’t ask you if the time worked for you, she clearly doesn’t actually care if you attend or not. If the timing doesn’t work, I would just decline.

Families often needs to adjust meeting times when there are babies and young children in the ranks. It gets especially tricky when there are multiple children to balance, but if people care about everyone attending, then a solution gets found or the times get alternated so no one group gets favored.

Surely this is a subtle hint from DM that she wants it to be an adults only evening? You're meeting a new adult, small kids usually keep everyone distracted.

You have babies, not a disability.