To think its not very considerate?

[inpixiehollow]

DM sent a message to me earlier saying she is booking a meal out so the family can all meet DB's girlfriend. She's booking the table for 7/7:30 apparently and can we let her know if me, dp and our two very young children (2 and 9mo) will be coming..
she knows my 2yo goes to bed around 8pm and as much as I don't mind her being out of routine for one night, she does get emotional and ratty when tired so it just wouldn't be an enjoyable experience for us to have her there. I also think its unfair if I go and my partner has to stay to look after the two children. We have no suitable babysitter unfortunately.
We are the only ones who have young children who would be attending and we don't have many family outings. I just feel like its a bit unfair, AIBU to expect some consideration and maybe book the table for earlier in the evening? Say 6pm?

Anyone else feel sorry for the girlfriend who is going to be at a table with around 8 people gawping at her and asking questions (from OPs count of siblings). I really can’t imagine wanting to meet a significant others family like this, like some sort of round table panel interview aka ‘meet and greet’.

I'm just baffled that so many people eat so late! I can't eat after 7pm! That's far too late!!!

Find a babysitter. There are lots of good agencies around. As per previous comment, you’ll need a babysitter at some point - do you and your partner never go out without the children? It sounds more like you are using this as an excuse. Do you not really want to go?

I work in childcare. However, I feel u are being rather precious.
This is an adult meet-up and should not include the kids, who may get tired.
get your partner to look after his children.

YABVU. Their plans do not need to take into account what is or is not convenient for you 😐FWIW I think you should go and make the effort. Your DH can stay home with the children.

Agree that 7:30pm meal is
Unsuitable for a 2 year old. I wouldn't do it unless on holiday

Kids of that age can turn to Gremlins after 6pm

It's unfair on the other diners in the restaurant and you wont enjoy because youll be too busy trying to keep the toddler calm.

We always eat out at 5pm/ 6pm

Cant they do a lunch?

Maybe your brother or his girlfriend can't leave work early so that's why that time was given?

A meal out at 6pm to accomodate your child. And you are suggesting she is being unreasonable lol.

Exactly what Mally100 said

I would opt for your dp to take the kids, enjoy your family time alone. My husband does this every year for his mum/sister birthday (they have one close together). It’s family time without the kids and dinner in peace, I’m obviously not fussed cause it’s healthy to have time like that. Enjoy it :)

People are being harsh - I think you are not unreasonable!!!

we had the first child in our family and we so often we got told dinner was at 7:00 and it couldn’t be changed because of x y and z. Oh your DS will just sleep in a corner! Of course he will and he won’t be ratty at all and you won’t be stressed about it in the slightest! this was from people with no DC. Ironically the person who used to say that, now has the rattiest non sleeping DS ever and even meals out at appropriate times can end up being absolute torture because of that DS.

Its hard but I think you need to go by yourself. Someone will inevitably ask where your DH is tonight. Then you say - at home with the kids as it’s not really an appropriate time for kiddies.

My parents always knew that timings needed to revolve around kids. My IL only just learnt that you need to move items you don’t want broken to higher ground, or leave them on higher ground when we’ve moved them up!

I’ve an MIL just like this, booked tables late for large parties then wondered why we could never go!

why oh why do people keep having children and expecting the rest of the world to sing to their tune?! YABU. it's not all about you.

I take it you didn't read my later replies? Wasn't asking for a solution. I'd already declined the invite and said that its too late for us. Maybe you should re-read the post if you've missed the point. I'm aware the world doesn't revolve around my children, but if you want 'family' to attend a 'family' dinner would you not take into consideration the needs of parents/children who will be attending to make it do-able for them🤔otherwise whats the point of a family dinner?

Really? If you're arranging a meal for a specific fairly small group you wouldn't at least try to make it at a time everyone can do? Some people have some very strange ideas about family and friendship...

I don't blame you for declining- I wouldn't take my 5 year old for a meal at that time.

Does it? When dining out is it normal to eat late?

Why don't you go and your DH babysit? I suspect they don't want babies at dinner, and no one wants to eat dinner at 6 anyway.

I don’t think your being unreasonable at all it’s hard juggling work two little ones & quality family time; of course you want your husband with you & the children when everyone gets to meet you Bs new partner, if she’s being welcomed into tge family fold it sounds like it’s a serious relationship & everyone should be present.
Ask if it can be moved to an earlier time so the children get to see all of the family or maybe suggest a Saturday/Sunday lunch meal instead so everyone can have an enjoyable time & throw in a nice family walk after; maybe pick a restaurant near a river or local lake so the kids can feed the ducks & swans; usually a winner with grandparents.

I think 7pm is quite reasonable, when you take into account people work, then have to get home and shower then get to the restaurant. I couldn’t make a 6pm meal. I could have when I had small children at home and didn’t work but I probably would have the minority in my family group.

I am really surprised at the responses! Much easier for adults to accommodate an earlier time than keep young children up surely?!

Your post was about consideration. But you expect people consider you because your kid gets ratty after 8pm. I’d say that 7pm dinner time is normal for a mainly adult group so your family are being considerate for the majority. I’m sure between you and your DH you could manage to cajole and extend the bedtime but you clearly don’t want to.

YABU.

I’m surprised that people think a group of adults should fit their event around one small child’s behaviour.

Ask her to change the time or you can't come, you have young kids. If she won't then naturally, you can't come. The end. My sil misses a lot of family events because they're always scheduled on a day she works but it's the best day for everyone else. Sometimes you miss out due to different circumstances that would be difficult or just not fun for you to deal with for one day, that's just life. I'm sure you'll meet her another time. Or they'll just break up and you'll have saved yourself the bother of getting to know them.

Not if the adults don't finish work till 6 (and that would be early for me).