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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just stop doing it completely?

219 replies

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:07

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

OP posts:
MarinoRoyale · 03/08/2022 12:10

I’d 100% stop doing it and if he dumps it in a pile, just bag it up in a bin bag to keep it seperate from the toys.

SusanKennedy · 03/08/2022 12:13

Stop doing his laundry. Today.

Brigante9 · 03/08/2022 12:15

Wouldn’t do a thing for him. What an arse. His behaviour is extremely poor. Why can’t he just plonk it in the basket as per normal people?

NeverHadANickname · 03/08/2022 12:17

I definitely agree to stop doing it. If I was him I'd just get a laundry basket for the bedroom then he can do his own.

SparrowsNest · 03/08/2022 12:18

MarinoRoyale · 03/08/2022 12:10

I’d 100% stop doing it and if he dumps it in a pile, just bag it up in a bin bag to keep it seperate from the toys.

This! He's being an unreasonable arse.

Schooldil3ma · 03/08/2022 12:20

Fuck that, its like he's on some sort of weird power trip. Just see to you and dc and leave him to it.

Iheartmysmart · 03/08/2022 12:20

I’d throw the lot in the bin. How dare he be so bloody disrespectful and lazy.

Fairyliz · 03/08/2022 12:20

Given where your washing machine is, wouldn’t it make more sense to have the laundry basket in the bedroom? Then you take off clothes at night and throw them straight into the basket.
You can then sort out at load when it is convenient for you and take downstairs and put it directly into the washing machine.
Not sure I would be keen on removing clothing at night then having to go down to conservatory with dirty clothes. Especially in the winter when we are trying to save fuel so the conservatory is flipping freezing. Well at least ours is.

phishy · 03/08/2022 12:21

Why are you doing his laundry in the first place? I have literally never washed my husband's clothes. He is more than capable of doing his own.

He also knows how many wears he wants to get out of a jumper or jeans.

I also hate anyone doing my laundry.

littlecrocodiles · 03/08/2022 12:22

In this situation his washing, his responsibility.
We have the same rule in our house, if it's not in the wash basket then it doesn't get washed. The basket is in our bedroom and we use the blue Ikea bags to take a load to/from the machine.

There is currently a small pile of DH's dirty clothes by his side of the bed, no idea how long they've been there, I'm not even going to remind him to put them in the basket.

It's a complete lack of respect for you and your time. Every item of clothing he leaves on the floor, and every pile of washing dumped by the machine, is him saying my time is more important than yours, and doing every day chores is beneath me.

godmum56 · 03/08/2022 12:22

well yes....why isn't the laundry basket upstairs?

hassletassle · 03/08/2022 12:22

8 Days worth of dirty laundry in a pile beside the machine for you to deal with is utterly insulting.

I would either:

Stick it in big black bags and put it in the garden so it's not in your way. Or,

Just chuck it in the garden as it is. In a pile. If he asks why then just tell him you need to move out the way and you assume he'll deal with it.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/08/2022 12:23

He’s a disrespectful arse and I definitely wouldn’t be washing his clothes

But I think it’s a bit odd tou don’t have the laundry basket in your bedroom, having tk get undressed then walking downstairs with your dirty clothes each day / night seems a bit odd to me!

MadeiraMDear · 03/08/2022 12:23

Stop doing it

Married 20 years and have never done DH’s laundry.

GreenManalishi · 03/08/2022 12:23

Woah, hang on, where did you sign the contract that said that you were responsible for making sure his washing was done? Eight years is a long time to be vexed about washing. Next time he drops piles of dirty laundry anywhere, silently bag it up and stick it in the garage/shed/his side of the bed/back in his wardrobe. And carry on with your day.

CalistoNoSolo · 03/08/2022 12:23

God he sounds an utter twat. Yiu're totally not being unreasonable OP.

hassletassle · 03/08/2022 12:24

Why can't the husband move the laundry basket into the bedroom if it's so terribly inconvenient for him?

Dougieowner · 03/08/2022 12:24

Another one to ask why the basket is downstairs by the washing machine and not in a bed / bathroom where you actually remove your clothes?

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:24

Fairyliz · 03/08/2022 12:20

Given where your washing machine is, wouldn’t it make more sense to have the laundry basket in the bedroom? Then you take off clothes at night and throw them straight into the basket.
You can then sort out at load when it is convenient for you and take downstairs and put it directly into the washing machine.
Not sure I would be keen on removing clothing at night then having to go down to conservatory with dirty clothes. Especially in the winter when we are trying to save fuel so the conservatory is flipping freezing. Well at least ours is.

We have three small DC's, so I find it so much easier after we've got them in to their pj's at the end of the day, to bring down their clothes with me, as we all head back down for milk/chill out time.

If I had several separate baskets upstairs, I'd be constantly up and down the stairs dragging either baskets worth of stuff with me, or going in and out of rooms rifling through baskets to see what needs doing.

For me, it just works better to have the basket next to the machine.

When DH gets in from work around 5/6pm, he gets changed straight out of his work clothes in to his pjs... so I don't think it's too difficult to pick up his work clothes and bring them down with him, because he comes straight down after he's got changed anyway?

OP posts:
Whattodoaboutworknow · 03/08/2022 12:25

phishy · 03/08/2022 12:21

Why are you doing his laundry in the first place? I have literally never washed my husband's clothes. He is more than capable of doing his own.

He also knows how many wears he wants to get out of a jumper or jeans.

I also hate anyone doing my laundry.

I always do DPs washing because I don’t put a separate wash on purely for my stuff.

Most households probably do this too.

ValerieDoonican · 03/08/2022 12:25

A large laundry basket in the bedroom. He deals with his laundry in his own time, in the meantime you don't have to look at it

yonce · 03/08/2022 12:26

I do my our household laundry, because I don't mind doing it and my DH knows to put it in the laundry basket! He's a normal human and if he notices I'm really busy and it's piled up a bit, he will wash it - like a functioning member of the household.

He's basically punishing you for not picking it up after him, by putting it somewhere more awkward (and still not the right place!) and in your face. I'd not be washing it.

Whattodoaboutworknow · 03/08/2022 12:26

Laundry basket in the bathroom - everyone puts their dirty clothes in at the end of the day or next morning at a push.

I would get a separate basket for your partner so he can sort his own shit out purely because he has shown you that much disrespect.

Ponoka7 · 03/08/2022 12:27

Ask him to pick the clothes up, then as he drops them say "fuck you" to you and the children, because that's really what he is doing. Below is the cat equivalent.

to just stop doing it completely?
ShandaLear · 03/08/2022 12:27

Why the fuck are you doing his laundry? Does he have some sort of disability that means he can’t do it? There’s not a chance in hell I’d be doing that.