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AIBU?

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Original poster

to just stop doing it completely?

219 replies

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:07

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

OP posts:
Huntswomanonthemove · 03/08/2022 20:29

My DH does his own laundry. Isn’t that normal?

Dahliasrule · 03/08/2022 20:39

I’m with others here that think a linen basket upstairs and everyone puts their own clothes in. You can even get divided ones that sort out dark clothes from light.

blebbleb · 03/08/2022 20:42

Dahliasrule · 03/08/2022 20:39

I’m with others here that think a linen basket upstairs and everyone puts their own clothes in. You can even get divided ones that sort out dark clothes from light.

I never separate my lights and darks Confused

diddl · 03/08/2022 20:44

Dahliasrule · 03/08/2022 20:39

I’m with others here that think a linen basket upstairs and everyone puts their own clothes in. You can even get divided ones that sort out dark clothes from light.

Why does it have to be upstairs though?

If Op does the washing then it's where it's most convenient for her.

NaturalBae · 03/08/2022 20:55

It’s normal if that’s what you have both agreed and it works for both of you.

We are a family of five so we need to put a load on at least once a day otherwise it piles up.

A load consists of all of our laundry mixed together, as we’d struggle to fill a full load everyday with laundry belonging to just one of two of us.

Any really dirty/sweaty items get washed together separately from the general laundry. Usually on a rinse cycle with no spin, before being washed on a main wash programme with the other general laundry items.

We have separate adult and DC laundry baskets located downstairs in our Utility Room cupboards.

Everyone is expected to bring their laundry downstairs and place it directly into a laundry basket, if they would like their clothing to be washed, even DS7 understands this.

NaturalBae · 03/08/2022 20:56

My DH does his own laundry. Isn’t that normal?

My response was meant for @Huntswomanonthemove

Workyticket · 03/08/2022 21:06

If laundry is one of your 'jobs' I'd either swap it for 1 of his or tell him

"You leaving your dirty clothes all over the place is pissing me off / disrespectful and if you don't bring them down / come up with another solution I'll stop washing them and you'll have to go to work in your jarmas"

QueenImprov · 03/08/2022 21:18

Yup, get a big bag and just shove it all in there and leave for him to wash. Hardly a big ask for him just to put in the washing basket when you do all the washing etc. Lazy and just downright rude of him.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 03/08/2022 22:10

H went for option 2as well OP 2) Chuck his clothes on the floor next to the basket.

It's not about the location of the basket. It's about the fact he thinks his behaviour is fine and doesn't have any interest in changing it. I have no idea if PPs helpful suggestions of black bags and wet laundry left to molder on the floor will get results. In my case H got angry and yelled a lot when I tried similar suggestions.

I have completely stopped doing his laundry, didn't change the location of his clothes pile and I got blamed for not doing that too. The issue was never going to get resolved in a positive way for us. It was either my resentment of his behaviour or his nasty reaction to being told to step up that was going destroy us. As far as he was concerned it's all my fault still, because his behaviour wasn't the issue, me resenting being treated that way was the problem in our marriage.

Onlyhereforthebatshitneighbours · 03/08/2022 22:19

I'd probably have started throwing them out the window tbh.

I will say though, and I know now it's adhd on my part, I need things to be in the location where I'm going to do something. So my laundry basket has to be where I get undressed, traipsing downstairs, while easy for others, just wouldn't work for me. However, there's no reason why you need to provide a laundry basket upstairs for him, he's an adult - if that would work for him he's presumably not stupid and can sort it himself.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 03/08/2022 22:27

Lots of people are missing the fact OP has said having a basket upstairs didn't stop him piling clothes on the floor. I can attest to the fact that this doesn't make any difference with some men's behaviour. H did the same.

gah2teenagers · 03/08/2022 22:35

It’s not working better for you though is it. Get a basket upstairs like a normal person.

saveforthat · 03/08/2022 22:39

Fairyliz · 03/08/2022 12:20

Given where your washing machine is, wouldn’t it make more sense to have the laundry basket in the bedroom? Then you take off clothes at night and throw them straight into the basket.
You can then sort out at load when it is convenient for you and take downstairs and put it directly into the washing machine.
Not sure I would be keen on removing clothing at night then having to go down to conservatory with dirty clothes. Especially in the winter when we are trying to save fuel so the conservatory is flipping freezing. Well at least ours is.

This. Have a laundry basket upstairs. Most people do surely

NoSquirrels · 03/08/2022 22:46

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 20:27

I again don't see how the location of our basket will prevent piles of DH's stuff from occurring, when this used to happen even when we had a basket in the bedroom a few years ago.

My DC's - in particular my eldest two who are 5 and 4!!! - are capable and often DO bring down their pants and put them in the basket if they have an accident while trying to go to the toilet.

So if I can manage to bring my clothes down, my dc can manage it, there's absolutely no reason why DH can't.

The issue is that your DH does not and will not bring his washing down to the schedule you’d like as doer of the laundry. So you should stop even attempting to do his laundry, and tell him it’s his job to do his own.

There’s a really completely separate issue, which is where he will store his dirty laundry before he washes it. As you’ve established he won’t do his laundry daily, he’ll need a place to store it. That should be a laundry basket or hamper on his side of the bed, ideally where you can’t see it. Any stray laundry you find of his you can chuck in the basket or not, depending on how much the mess bothers you.

But if you keep insisting he can and should bring his laundry downstairs you’ll keep being frustrated.

XmasElf10 · 03/08/2022 22:49

If HE wants a basket on the bedroom to make HIS life easier in collecting and then transporting HIS clothes to the washer so that HE can wash them then HE can buy one. Sounds like OP has a system which suits HER and facilitates the easiest way for HER to do the laundry. If HE wants HER to do HIS laundry then he needs to use HER system otherwise he needs to do it himself… easy! Doesn’t matter if we agree with her laundry system the fact is that if you have someone kind enough to do your washing for you then you make things easy for them by following their system - don’t like the system? Then do you own bloody laundry!

FOJN · 03/08/2022 22:49

I can't believe people are still posting about the location of the laundry basket, its irrelevant, he still threw his clothes on the floor when there was a laundry basket upstairs.

Whoever does the laundry designs the system which works for them. If he's not happy with the system then he needs to take over doing the laundry and change it or do his own washing.

ILoveTwix · 03/08/2022 22:51

I think it's totally normal if you're putting washing on to include DHs clothes too. I do all the laundry in our house but if my DH misses the lights load and doesn't put his short sleeved work shirt in the basket then he has to wait until the next time I wash light colours. If that means in the height of summer he has to wear a long sleeved shirt to work that's not my problem and DH has quickly learnt this. If it's left on the floor I will also put it in the wash which drives him mad as often he will leave something out that he wanted to wear (on the floor though??) and I've put it either in the basket with sweaty clothes or it's wet in the machine.

If DH is hoarding his washing, just wash it as and when you are putting a load on. If that means the things he wanted aren't washed quickly that's not your problem and hopefully he will learn to put it in the basket daily. Alternatively, you are completely reasonable to refuse to do his large piles of laundry too!

Q2C4 · 03/08/2022 22:55

phishy · 03/08/2022 12:21

Why are you doing his laundry in the first place? I have literally never washed my husband's clothes. He is more than capable of doing his own.

He also knows how many wears he wants to get out of a jumper or jeans.

I also hate anyone doing my laundry.

Doesn't that end up costing more? I split our washing between appropriate loads, so eg jeans, whites, light colours, dark colours, woolens, towels. If I didn't wash my family's stuff altogether in each load the number of loads would be insane!!

Q2C4 · 03/08/2022 22:57

ShirleyPhallus · 03/08/2022 12:23

He’s a disrespectful arse and I definitely wouldn’t be washing his clothes

But I think it’s a bit odd tou don’t have the laundry basket in your bedroom, having tk get undressed then walking downstairs with your dirty clothes each day / night seems a bit odd to me!

If the laundry basket were in the bedroom OP would end up taking it all downstairs... At least this way the DH has to take his own dirty washing downstairs.

Q2C4 · 03/08/2022 22:59

ShandaLear · 03/08/2022 12:27

Why the fuck are you doing his laundry? Does he have some sort of disability that means he can’t do it? There’s not a chance in hell I’d be doing that.

It's cheaper to combine loads surely?

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 04/08/2022 00:17

Also regarding the location of our laundry basket - I simply don't like dirty clothes building up in our bedroom, basket or not.

We're a family of five, 3 very young DC's, the washing machine is on almost every day.

I like the bedroom to be chilled, relaxed, tidy. A slice of solitude at the end of the day. Some of you may be comfortable with having a dirty pile of knickers and pants and your DH's sweaty work shirts building up in a basket in the corner of your bedrooms, but I'm not.

I do 98% of our laundry. I'm capable of taking my daily laundry downstairs, as are my DC's who are still so young! Expecting an almost 40 year old man to take down 3 items per day after he's got changed at 5:30pm after work isn't a massive ask. And no, a bedroom basket won't solve my issues. Although it would prevent me from having to look at 8 day old crusty pants on the floor. So I guess there's that.

OP posts:
namechanged4it · 04/08/2022 00:19

Why don't you just put a basket in your room?

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 04/08/2022 00:21

@namechanged4it for all of the reasons I've already outlined.

  1. husband would either fill it to the brim and not wash his stuff at all
  2. or, he'd throw his clothes NEXT to the basket like he's done in the past
  3. I don't like a basket of dirty clothes in my bedroom.
OP posts:
Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 04/08/2022 00:23

@blebbleb me neither! I have to wash 5 people's worth of clothes basically every day, if not every other day. Like hell I'm going to spend even more of my time separating lights from darks! Fuck that!

OP posts:
toastedcat · 04/08/2022 02:00

Yep, he can have his own laundry basket in the bedroom.