to just stop doing it completely?

[PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut]

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

Dumping a pile on the floor downstairs is fucking weird though, why's he doing that?
Because it’s a way of saying “Wife, you failed to pick up my cheesy socks and sweaty underpants from the bedroom floor. I am dumping the accumulated mess in front of the washing machine in the conservatory where our children play. I hereby order you to do my laundry and next time, you will pick it up from the bedroom, because you are my servant and I don’t want you to forget that.”

It's been going on 8 years because you have been giving in for 8 years.

Worth reading about the man whose wife divorced him because he continually left dirty dishes by the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher. It just illustrated what he thought of her.

Why dont you just ask him to do the laundry tonight and stop taking it on as your task that he helps with.

Reminds me of the time when my mum told us that any clothes, toy or other stuff left on the floor would go in the bin. And then things left on the floor did start to disappear. Fortunately she hadn't actually thrown everything away but merely put them in a bin bag under the stairs (unwashed). But had the situation continued to escalate there is a good chance the bag would have moved to the actual bin. You don't mess with my mum, she is scary when mad.

We have the same rule in our house but... ,as above, our washing baskets (one for whites one for colours/darks) are upstairs on the landing - near to where people are changing their clothes.

I guess because I don't need to be asked to do household tasks, so why should I have to ask him?

He has no respect for you
Stop doing anything for him whilst he’s like this

You know how people often say that men can't see mess?

Well, my suggestion is that unless the laundry is in the basket, then you just can't see it. I agree with just bagging it up in bin bags and leaving it on the side.

You know that you are not being unreasonable about this. It's time to draw a line in the sand, but to be honest, I had a similar issue with my Ex and taking the rubbish out and in the end it killed our marriage.

If we all washed clothes separately, the washing machine would be constantly running small loads. How are people managing this, I need to combine clothes with my DC to get full loads. Or do people have lots of clothes and can wait 2 weeks to run a load?

OP I know this has been an issue for you for a long while, seems you are now both at loggerheads. If you don't want to die in a ditch about this, you could suggrst a compromise to your DH. You have the basket upstairs and he must put his clothes in it. You or he can sort a load (or two) for washing when you would have been bringing down yours and DC clothes anyway. Then you can put one load in the washer ready to run, no need to keep running up and down the stairs the next day.

I’d stop washing his clothes.

He’s lazy and doesn’t respect you or your time.

There’s nothing wrong in doing your partner’s laundry, if that’s what works for you and your household and you don’t mind doing it.

My partner will put a load on if he can see that I’m too busy to do it.

I personally wouldn’t want a laundry basket in a bedroom. On an upstairs landing if there’s space. I would want it downstairs close to the washing machine, so laundry doesn’t have to be lugged downstairs. In a Utility Room is obviously ideal.

Ensure DC are also included sometimes by giving them age appropriate laundry chores, eg. helping to sort coloured and whites, hanging out, folding and putting the clean laundry away. Show older DC how to operate the washing machine and dryer.

I thought it was normal to do your partner's laundry.

Growing up, the family laundry all got mixed in together into the machine. Nobody was soley responsible for putting a load on with just their own clothes in. If I'm doing whites, I'll take any whites etc.

A lot of people seem to be focusing on the location of our laundry basket, which I think is neither here nor there. If DH and I had a basket in our bedroom, he would either 1) fill it to the brim and still not take it down to wash it, or 2) Chuck his clothes on the floor next to the basket - yup, that happened in one of our old houses.

I don't want baskets upstairs because then I just have to carry even more washing downstairs. I'm perfectly capable of carrying my clothes back downstairs after I've got changed and popping them in a basket in the conservatory, it adds no extra time to my day nor is it an inconvenience. If I'm coming back downstairs anyway, how hard is it to pick up the knickers I've just taken off and take them with me?

I do like the idea of DH having his basket though. Except a few people have said that I should buy him the basket, that won't be happening! His clothes piling up pisses me off no end, but i'm not going to buy and place a basket for him to use. That's a 'him' job.

Glad to see that me stopping doing his laundry isn't petty though, thanks all!

The OP doesn’t mind doing his laundry. She just wants him to put it in the laundry basket and not to have to pick up after his lazy arse.

I agree that the location of the basket doesn't matter. That's not the reason why he isn't putting his laundry in there. It's his attitude that needs changing, which unfortunately I don't think you can 'make' happen OP.

Agree with others, just tell him he can do his own laundry from now, but it would still be a massive turn off for me if my partner didn't seem capable of keeping on top of their own laundry.

It's hard to look at your partner with longing eyes when all you see is an adult who can't even adult.

Sorry I don't have any practical advice OP, I don't know how/if you can get someone to change their outlook on things like this. Yeah it's not earth shattering bad stuff, but equally, it be be a slow relationship killer for me. 😬 (and yes I've been there, and I couldn't get him to see why he should be more bothered about the most basic of things like chores around the home).

Good luck and stay resolute about your feelings on the matter.

the OP doesn’t mind doing his laundry. She just wants him to put it in the laundry basket and not to have to pick up after his lazy arse

I know, I meant to quote someone, it was in reply to the PPs wondering why she is doing his laundry anyway

Take him to one side, look him directly in the eye, and tell him that he will change his behaviour from now, or you will be throwing every piece of his laundry that you find on the floor in the bin.

Then follow through.

Mine chucks his dirty underwear on the window sill sometimes.

Bag it up and put it out of reach of the kids (on top of the washing machine?).

Either his washing comes into the established laundry system designed by the person doing the laundry, or he takes responsibility for doing his own.

"I agree that the location of the basket doesn't matter. That's not the reason why he isn't putting his laundry in there. It's his attitude that needs changing, which unfortunately I don't think you can 'make' happen OP.
Agree with others, just tell him he can do his own laundry from now, but it would still be a massive turn off for me if my partner didn't seem capable of keeping on top of their own laundry.
It's hard to look at your partner with longing eyes when all you see is an adult who can't even adult."

This ^ with bells on.

I was married to an entitled manchild like this first time around. (My mistake)
The day I put my foot down and stopped being a skivvy was the day that the marriage started to go downhill.

He is now married to someone who is happy to be an unpaid home-help.

Me? I got me a guy who was in the Armed Forces,, who can cook, clean, bake, iron and takes his turn in cleaning the lavvy.

OP, I made a rod for my own back first time around - don't do the same.

First - you stop doing his laundry.

second - not sure this helps but we also have 2 small DC and a machine next to the playroom in utility area downstairs. Our arrangement is this -

1. our bedroom has basket 1. We undress - clothes directly into it.
2. DS (6) bedroom has basket 2. DS undresses - directly into it.
3. DD (2) bedroom has basket 3. DD is undressed - directly into it.
4. Downstairs utility has Basket 4. For random additional extras - like kitchen towels, water soaked clothes coming in from nursery - whatever - it collects random stuff over the week.

On Friday evening - one of us collects all these items into one mega laundry collection (leaving all baskets in situ in their own bedrooms) and the machine goes on twice. That’s it.

Yep stop doing his laundry

When he dumps it downstairs load it into a bin bag and chuck it in the garden.

My husband did this so I washed them but dumped the wet pile in a corner and left them there. When he complained about his clothes not being washed yet I pointed to the now smelling pile and said I didn't know I was to hang them up and that everything else just gets dumped in a pile on the floor.

He never dumped his crap next to the basket since and does washings.

Yep I'm a black bin liner in the garden!

Put his stuff in a black bin liner.
Put it on the passenger set of his car.
Tiee a note to it with directions to one of these or similar places near to you.
www.revolution-laundry.com/en-uk/
Let him get on with it.