to just stop doing it completely?

[PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut]

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

I find this attitude so weird. Do you cook your own food separately, do your own washing up?

I find this attitude so weird. Do you cook your own food separately, do your own washing up?

I find washing another adults clothes weird - each to their own eh?

Washing clothes comes under personal hygiene in my opinion. This means I'll assist children but once you're old enough you're on your own!

Nothing weird about someone doing their own laundry and in any case if done for the household why is it automatically the female's role to do it. My partner does all the cooking for us in the house and does his one laundry including mine. He isn't a fan of vacuuming and cleaning so I do that with the children. He actually prefers doing his own laundry anyway.

I mean does his own laundry. He doesn't do mine as I do my own

I wouldn’t say it’s a woman’s job to do the laundry. If I worked FT we would split the jobs equally in our house. DH is out of house before 6am and doesn’t get back until 6:30. I wouldn’t do our laundry and not his. It’s nothing to do with the fact I’m a woman. I work PT and have more time to do housework. It leaves more time for us to do stuff at the weekend.

Stop doing any of his laundry TODAY. If he leaves it on the floor, bag it up and put it outside.

Firstly, I’m glad it’s not just me. My DH is also a master of the ‘floor pile’. I then have the lovely task of ‘guess what needs a wash and what doesn’t’. Or the whining when his trousers aren’t clean and why haven’t I washed them……
That said he has now learned, if he didn’t put it in the basket he has no right to moan if it’s not washed, no clean boxers, not my problem if they’re all on the floor 🙄

In your situation, I would perhaps suggest a laundry basket in your bedroom, even if it’s just for him. Even I couldn’t be arsed to use one if it was downstairs.
Best of luck, in solidarity with you for having a lazy F DH

My partner has his own washing basket, for which he is responsible for, works for us.

We both do each other's if needed though or if we only have half a load to put on. We share our child's washing but I mostly do it because I do more loads.

I don't understand why couples don't share household chores, my partner probably does slightly more than me these days.

Nah fuck that. Put it in a bin bag and leave it.
i might consider a laundry basket in the bedroom (depends on how generous I felt that day tbh)
my husband and I share the washing but we’re equally guilty of leaving stuff at our arse I’m afraid 😳

My DP is bad for this. Drives me crazy. I end up picking it up and dumping it on his pillow in the AM. Then, at night, when he goes to throw it on the floor I can "catch" him at it and make him take it downstairs. Usually a few days of it and the piles stop appearing at the bedside. Occasionally now he'll fall back out of the habit and piles appear again but I just go back to dumping it (work socks, boxers and all) on his pillow and it soon rectifies.

Some folk just don't "get" it.

"I do all the cooking every night.

It's then on me to wash up too.

I do, as stated, about 98% of 5 peoples worth of laundry.

It's me that hoovers both upstairs and downstairs.

It's me that cleans our windows, cleans the floors.

I deep clean the bathroom, the kitchen, I do the dusting.

I'm the one that has to go out in to the garden, picking up all of DC's toys.

It's me that cleans the coffee table, the dining table.

The list goes on and on."

Does he do anything other than paid work? Does he do any parenting? Any housework or home/garden maintenance or organisation/planning or gift buying or anything?

Because based on what you've written so far I have no idea why you're still married to him, other than the obvious (3 children under 5, sounds as if you're a SAHM?) He is clearly lazy and has no respect for you - you've talked to him about these issues many times and he hasn't changed. So it's a LTB from me. Don't let your children grow up thinking this dynamic is normal or acceptable.

Just stop doing it. My DS is 8 and will leave is dirty clothes on the bedroom/bathroom floor. I've been considering telling him that if it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed. And that's his bedroom and the family bathroom we don't really use as we've got an ensuite.

If my DH couldn't manage to make the effort to avoid doing something that seriously p's me off then I'd not just be refusing to do his laundry but having a serious sit down to discuss issues in our relationship. It's not just the stinky clothes on the floor it's the lack of respect.

He has way, way too many clothes for a start.

You’ve approached the situation kindly and it hasn’t worked.

If he leaves stuff on the floor, put in a black bag and leave it. Then take it to charity.

I bet he won’t notice half his stuff is gone.

100%stop doing it. No question.
1 wtf are you doing his laundry anyway

1. He didn't care enough about your feelings to take them into account re where to put dirty laundy

I didn't do my ex husbands. That was the only chore he did round the house. I stopped doing sons aged 17 after telling him if it wasn't in basket it wasnt getting washed. I did school shirts but nothing else. Cue a mad scatter on friday to wash something urgently for friday night/sat morning. Taught him how to use machine. He is now self sufficient and went to uni not being an incapable moron . Job done

Have you misunderstood?

its THEIR house, not HER house.

@PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut

earlier in the thread you commented about why did that poster think you didn't do the laundry! I've given
up reading all the replies on the thread as my blood is boiling, so I may have missed a reply to your post. I'm sure she wasn't commenting on YOU, but all the posters asking why you do his laundry, polishing their badges of honour because even as SAHM they've never done their partners washing.

I be read all your posts.

have you asked him why he leaves his clothes on the floor? Try asking him, don't tell him off/have a go/moan/nag or anything beforehand, just ask him why and don't fill in the silence, just let him answer

other than telling him he can't have his dinner until he's out his laundry in the basket, I think it's all you can try now.

it'll be interesting to see what he says.

if he says 'because it's a hassle' ASK him which part, why? Actually try to genuinely get a decent answer.

His clothes, from now on, don’t get washed in the washing machine, or dried in the tumble dryer, unless he does them himself. If they build up for more than three days, he is banned altogether, as your family shouldn’t have to suffer the product of his laziness with sweaty clothes where his CHILDREN PLAY. If he allows his stuff to build up, he has to take a binbag of his scabby pants to the laundrette.
You are his wife and the mother of his children, not his live in housemaid. Tell him to get a grip of himself, or he can take his stinking binbag and find somewhere else to sleep.

It was a very long time ago, but I did this.

He was on the ASD spectrum but as he wasn't generally a total dick I was totally gobsmacked that his answer was "because you don't say thank you."

He got on with it tbf, but I know it took him a very long time to work out why his washing no longer got done.

We have two identical laundry baskets, one on the landing and one in the utility and they get rotated round when full/empty. It’s put a stop to piles of dirty clothes upstairs! My husband does have a chair that he puts used but still wearable clothes on which builds up and just when I think I’ve got two empty baskets, one is suddenly full to bursting, gah! Our issue is putting clothes away, I hate it so husband does it albeit very slowly which means our bedroom is full of clean clothes waiting to go away. I tried going on washing strike because of it but just shot myself in the foot as it means I had a tonne to do when I broke, ha ha!