to just stop doing it completely?

[PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut]

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

If buy the basket for him to prevent the smelly bedroom carpet because that will happen having sweaty socks sitting there for a long time. What I wouldn't do is bring the basket down. His washing shall be done only if delivered, in the basket to the washing machine door - if not no clean clothes.

Well I'd stop doing his laundry full stop. But i don't get why you don't have a laundry basket in your room and one where the washing machine is.

Well I’d actually be thinking of myself, I wouldn’t want to traipse downstairs with my
dirty pants every night before getting in to bed !

It must be incredibly frustrating for you OP and I don’t have any real words of wisdom. I think I would move all of his clothes to one pile by his side of the bed and leave them there. I wouldn’t wash them. Who hangs the washing out usually?
I personally do my husband’s washing and he does leave his things on the floor in the wet room. BUT he is an amputee and he will often tell me that he’s sorry but there is a pile of clothes there or apologise as I carry them to the machine. My adult son has his own basket and does his own but if he wants something done earlier he will pop it in my basket and ask me if I can wash it.

Why are you doing his washing in first place? Surely he's capable of doing it himself?
Just leave it and let him deal with it.

Do you have a garage or anything, maybe somewhere he goes to a lot in the house like an office? I'd throw them in there. Certainly wouldn't wash them, and I'd keep doing that til he learns. I'm still trying to teach my moron to put clothes in the washing baskets, but he still heaps them on the floor so they get kicked into the corner beside his bedside table. Not washed unless they are in the baskets. Least then I can walk around and hoover without his clothes being in the way. He hates it but I don't care.

See now this is where you're losing me. Not saying he's not a dick (he is) but you sound overly rigid about imposing your "system"

Agree with this. If a system doesn't work, and there are 2 adults in the house who have to be happy with it, then it needs to change.

OP doesn't want any dirty clothes (basket or not) in the bedroom, and DH can't be arsed to take them downstairs. Why should either of them have the deciding vote here since they are presumably equal partners in marriage? So in the face of current system not working it needs to be either tweaked so it does work for everyone, or completely changed.

If a laundry basket is verboten in the bedroom, how about on the landing? in the bathroom?
If OP is sick of it, how about only DH does the laundry (but that doesn't solve the dirty clothes in the bedroom). There is a solution to this, but it is a continuum between: accepting the status quo - LTB. Somewhere on the line there is the solution everyone can live with.

(tbh I'm with OP about clothes on the floor but it wouldn't have gone on for 8 years and i do have a laundry basket in my bedroom. DH puts on a wash before he goes to work and i hang it up when i'm on a break)

Which part of my thread or my replies has given you the impression that I don't do the laundry!? I do all of it, almost every single day of the month bar maybe 2 days where DH frantically tries to play catch up with his behemoth floor piles.

Its great that you work as a team in your house. But that's not what happens in mine.

I do all the cooking every night.
It's then on me to wash up too.
I do, as stated, about 98% of 5 peoples worth of laundry.
It's me that hoovers both upstairs and downstairs.
It's me that cleans our windows, cleans the floors.
I deep clean the bathroom, the kitchen, I do the dusting.
I'm the one that has to go out in to the garden, picking up all of DC's toys.
It's me that cleans the coffee table, the dining table.

The list goes on and on.

So you see, when I'm doing literally EVERYTHING, I don't think asking a man to bring his work clothes downstairs with him when he comes down to eat the dinner I've made for him, is really too big of a task. Do you?

A lot of posters saying to simply put the basket somewhere else upstairs -

There's no room on our landing, it's very narrow and small, a basket would completely block the walk way. And our bathroom is tiny also. Quite literally no where a basket could live in the bathroom.

@ShirleyPhallus as stated before, when DH gets in from work around 5/6pm, that's when he gets changed. He comes straight in, goes upstairs, usually put pjs on, dumps his work clothes on the floor then comes down to eat dinner.

If he's coming down anyway, how hard is it to pick up the clothes you've literally just taken off?

Our dining table is about 10 extra paces from our conservatory where the basket is situated...

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters you're making some really odd assumptions about me, and seem to think I'd have an issue with what a basket would look like!? who on earth cares what a laundry basket looks like!?

And if you'd taken the time to read my other replies, you'd see that a few years ago, we had a basket in the bedroom, and DH's clothes were still all over the floor.

This is nothing to do with me 'compromising'.

having seen your updates, OP, i will echo PPs comment about showing him the article about the man whose wife left him "because he left a cup by the sink".

You are doing an awful lot, so is this just a kind of final straw thing?

It amazes me how so many women are so keen to pander to filthy, lazy men.

I'm with you op. My basket is downstairs next to the machine.
I don't have others because then it would be ME going round emptying the fuckers. That doesn't make it 'easier' for me does it.

Putting a basket in the bedroom solves nothing because the 'DH' is a gobshite who has zero respect for op. He thinks it's HER job. A PP was correct, it is a power play. A man expecting a woman to clean up his crap because he thinks both his dirty washing and his wife are beneath him.

He gets changed after work at 5.30pm then comes straight downstairs. Why do so many think it's such a massive hardship for a grown man to pick up his dirty clothes and take them downstairs when he is going that way anyway?

No I understand the concept, but I personally wouldn’t like to have to take my own dirty clothes downstairs every time i got dressed. Different strokes innit, it obviously works for you (or the alternative doesn’t)

I also wouldn't lie to take stuff down every time. I'd probably forget sometimes and my dc would too. Having a laundry basket where the clothes are removed seems the obvious option for me. No one is saying op has to be the one to take it down. Whoever needs their clothes washed can do that

@SpacePotato but why is yours (and the OP’s) way the ‘correct’ way? it’s fine to not want to bring your clothes down immediately if that works better for you.

Lots of people suggesting a laundry basket where he actually leaves his clothes are also suggesting that he can do his own laundry. If the OP doesn’t need to do anything other than live with a laundry basket somewhere she wouldn’t choose to have one, what is the problem?

I actually showed DH that article a few years back, when I got pissed off at the fact it was me doing all of the cooking, and then me having to wash up too (if I remember correctly, we had three under three at the time so I needed the 'help' more than ever). The article didn't do a great deal.

So many times I'd sat DH down and said that I don't expect much from him Monday to Friday housework wise. I'm not asking him to get in from work and start dusting the top of cabinets or wiping the kids sticky finger prints off of the walls, but that I would like for him to wash up after I've made dinner. I'm quite good at 'washing as I go', meaning that while cooking say, a roast, I'll wash up saucepans and trays while I'm waiting for the rest to cook - so DH never really has much to wash up apart from our actual dinner plates and cutlery.

Anyway, after each time I have that type of conversation with him, he'll wash up after dinner for maybe two weeks, before just... stopping? Then I'm back to square one again.

@CharlieAndTooManyCharacters because he wouldn't use a bedroom basket either! I've now said this so many times... we used to have a basket in the bedroom a few years ago, his clothes were still all over the floor.

Maybe one of those lightweight mesh baskets in the bedroom would help. Taking down a few dirty clothes is clearly too much effort for him. An easily portable basket may be more helpful.

Failing that. Tell him, you bring down the clothes in your basket and I'll wash them. If he leaves them in the kids room just bag up and leave him to wash. Try to make it a cooperative thing and not two people digging their heels in

You don't know this. That was a few years ago. You seem determined there is no solution though. I'm not sure what other advice you're asking for m?

Anyway, after each time I have that type of conversation with him, he'll wash up after dinner for maybe two weeks, before just... stopping? Then I'm back to square one again.

he sounds like a nightmare, tbh. I'd deffo be sacking off doing his laundry. Or anything else, tbh. Sorry you're in this position

It's not about either way being correct, it's about a lazy arse man.
In my house it works for me and my family. Each to their own.

In op's situation, he won't put his washing in a basket wherever that basket is located.
He is doing it on purpose KNOWING how much it upsets her.
He thinks it is her job to pick up his sweaty pants.

So suggesting she must accommodate his disgusting habits by putting a basket in a room, that he will ignore anyway, isn't going to solve his male entitlement and lack of respect.

All she's asking is for him to put his washing in a basket next to the washing machine because that is what works for her. That's not a big ask.

How about a big poster on the bedroom wall above where he dumps his clothes:

BRING YOUR DIRTY CLOTHES DOWNSTAIRS OR I WILL DIVORCE YOU.

You need to make peace with the fact that he's not going to do any of those things he should be doing as an adult member of the household. He's shown you he won't after 8 years. Even after you showing him the article, he still hasn't changed for the long-term.

He just doesn't care enough about doing these things, or about the fact that it bothers you. He really isn't fussed.