to just stop doing it completely?

[PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut]

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

I stopped at washing all my husbands clothes that he kept piling on the floor. He soon found the washing basket.

This is easy. You just say to him

”Love, I’m totally over fighting about the washing constantly. It’s not working. So could you please buy a laundry basket for by your side of the bed, and you’re in charge of washing it from now on.”

I love doing the laundry and ironing, always found it relaxing and satisfying lol

But

Since my kids were 10ish the rule has always been 'if it's not in the basket it doesn't get washed' so they often did PE in dirty kit because it was still in the PE bag. Whether they learned or not wasn't the point.

Fast forward to keeping the same rule when I got married. Hubby's clothes get dumped right next to the open-topped basket. So not even a lid to open 🙈 Sometimes he does his own washing...

I never ask him not to do it, because he's a grown man and can regulate his own behaviour, same as he never complains when I don't wash the stuff not in the basket

This isn’t a trivial matter.

maybe perhaps in the 1950s.

Send him back to his Mum's, he's incredibly disrespectful.

Stop doing it. Tell him he’s inconsiderate and you aren’t his maid/mum, and you don’t want sexist dad/servant mum to be what your kids model. You share a bedroom and you don’t want his dirty pants on your floor, so either he brings it down daily like his preschoolers, or you don’t do it. Maybe put it in a bin bag in the bedroom if he keeps leaving it, you won’t have to touch it.

I agree. It’s far easier just to do it than see it hanging around the house. But OH and I have an adult/mature relationship that doesn’t involve petty point scoring issues. I’ve trained him re where to put his dirty clothes and he now brings all our washing down after his morning shower. He’s also generally very respectful and helpful re household chores - that took a little more effort but it’s worked, and my children are learning too so double bonus!

Box up his dirty laundry and have it sent to his mother's. She brought him up to be this disrespectful to women, she can wash his dirty pants.

You've have discussed it with him a number of times over the years and he continues to do as he pleases. It is not your job to find a workable solution, you have a system, he doesn't want to use it. Stop wasting your breath trying to get him to behave respectfully.

Don't do any of us washing and whenever his dirty clothes are in your way just move them out of the way and carry on. If that's in the bedroom I'd just kick it into a pile on his side of the bed and if its in front of the machine I'd push it to the side and ignore. Don't say a word about it and if he asks where he clothes are just shrug and tell him you don't know. Do not deviate.

If he clothes start to find their way into the laundry basket then you can add in what you can fit with other washes but I wouldn't prioritise catching up with his washing. Again I wouldn't say a word. He's a big boy and words haven't worked so don't stress about a grown man being too stupid/selfish/inconsiderate to make use of a system which gets his washing done for him.

Women shouldn't be trying so hard to do work they are not appreciated for.

I just don't really get your system. We have a basket in the bedroom and one in the bathroom because that's where people change. Everything gets thrown in one or the other and then DH or I sort it and throw it in the machine downstairs - we share the chore.

Your way seems overly elaborate and one sided. You should share household jobs

Excellent perspective on this .You are a family -not a pair of housemates battling and not giving an inch .

If he can muster up the ability and allllllll that energy to bring his clothes alllll the way down the stairs and put the pile infront of the machine … I’m a bit confused why he couldn’t put it IN the machine an press a button ?? 😬 this man thinks you’re his mother, it’s unattractive to say the least. He needs to be left to panic with no clean clothes and the realisation that you’re not his laundrette I recon x

And I'll be honest, if there wasn't a laundry basket anywhere upstairs in my house, my clothes would probably end up on the bedroom floor too !

If someone asked me to do xyz for eight years, I would have changed my habits.

I do personally pick my battles and this one I would opt to have - you can't just let everything go IMO.

That's odd though isn't it? And it's far more sensible & responsible (water) to combine washes.

So I have a wash basket upstairs that everyone fills with day time cloths a wash basket downstairs filled with night time stuff (we get the kids dressed downstairs on a morning after breakfast)
I then bring the basket down say every other day and pick up off things here and there , I don't see much of an issue with that... how ever he's being a complete arse so I wouldn't wash any of his stuff going forward

Either you share the washing tasks and both take turns in doing mixed loads.
Or you each do your own.

Always amazes me that’s it’s the woman who “doesn’t mind” doing the “household laundry”. What is this? 1950?

As for the frankly vile behavior of dumping dirty laundry in a conservatory? Words fail me.

Your H is totally unreasonable in his behaviour - hell would freeze over before I did any washing for such a disrespectful misogynist.

I have 3 large laundry baskets in the utility room labelled whites, pale colours & dark colours. Each bedroom has a laundry basket & is responsible for bringing the contents downstairs & sorting them.
My children are 10, 12 & 18 (x2)
They started doing this when they started primary school.
These days I expect all of them to put a wash on if the basket has a full load.
I very rarely iron.

Agree with pps that there needs to be a laundry basket upstairs. I stack brabantia laundry boxes, one for whites, one for blacks, one for colours. Your partner can then put them straight into the boxes. Maybe this will help change his behaviour.

Your way seems overly elaborate and one sided. You should share household jobs

Sharing jobs doesn't necessarily mean doing each job 50/50 though. In some families some jobs are separated, like my dad was always the ironer and the recycling/tip doer etc.

this

I don't mind doing the laundry (all of it) but the deal is my husband puts it in the bloody basket 🙄

We split the jobs so just for simplicity so we are in no way in the 1960's but for example he does the bins and I would never dream of that job incorporating picking up my rubbish from around the house.

YANBU he's being lazy.

If he finds it too difficult to bring his dirty clothes back down, why doesn't he just strip off in the conservatory?

I again don't see how the location of our basket will prevent piles of DH's stuff from occurring, when this used to happen even when we had a basket in the bedroom a few years ago.

My DC's - in particular my eldest two who are 5 and 4!!! - are capable and often DO bring down their pants and put them in the basket if they have an accident while trying to go to the toilet.

So if I can manage to bring my clothes down, my dc can manage it, there's absolutely no reason why DH can't.