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Original poster

to just stop doing it completely?

219 replies

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:07

This is laundry related - boring, I know, but I need to gauge whether I'm about to be petty or not.

I've had enough of this ongoing battle with DH. My 'rule' is that if clothes aren't in the laundry basket, they don't get washed. I also hate massive piles of dirty laundry accumulating on the bedroom floor.

I've told DH countless times over the years to please, please stop leaving your dirty pants and sweat soaked shirts and socks on our bedroom floor, it's disgusting and unnecessary.. when you take your work clothes off when you get home, just bring them down with you and pop them in the laundry basket, and I'll be more than happy to wash them with my next laundry load the following day and keep on top of everything as and when.

Does he listen? Of course he fucking doesn't.

Over the years, I used to get so pissed off of seeing huge piles of weeks worth of clothes in the bedroom, having to side step around it etc, that I'd eventually scoop it all up, take it to the basket and gradually wash it. But I refuse to touch the clothes anymore. It isn't my job to pick up after him like he's an incapable 2 year old.

My issue now though, is this. I've since told DH that I'll no longer be picking up after him, and if he lets a huge pile of clothes build up I'll no longer be taking it down to the washing basket.

Yesterday, he brought down at least 8 days worth of clothes and dumped it in front of the washing machine. In my opinion, moving a big pile from the floor in one room to dump it on the floor in a different room is no better.

Our washing machine is in our conservatory which is used as our DC's 'play room', meaning if he leaves clothes scattered all over the floor, their toys get all mixed up with it, and what's more, I don't want them treading all over dirty clothes.

As well as this, letting so much of his shit build up, means that I'll spend two days getting on top of his washing, while mine and the DC's gets left because the machine is being used to sort his stuff out, so then I end up massively behind on everyone else's washing!

Would I be unreasonable to just straight up stop washing his stuff?

This battle has been going on for almost 8 years and I've just about had enough.

OP posts:
Prunel · 03/08/2022 12:29

Put a laundry basket in the bedroom?
but also, why are you the only one washing?

is there anything he asks of you that you don’t do?

newstart1234 · 03/08/2022 12:30

I was a SAHM and I still didn't do my DHs laundry. It's personal care IMO, like showering or shaving, and not like hoovering, cleaning the windows or childcare. We have separate laundry baskets and he leaves his to pile up - I find it annoying but I'm used to it after 10 years or so.

ShandaLear · 03/08/2022 12:30

My kids, age 14 and 16, have been doing their own laundry since they were 11 or 12. I can’t believe a grown ass man can’t manage it.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 03/08/2022 12:31

I would stuff the clothes in a bin liner and then leave them next to the machine. Not a chance in hell I’d wash a single item of his from now on. I wouldn’t even mention it I’d just quietly go about your own and kids laundry. Disrespectful pig!

FictionalCharacter · 03/08/2022 12:31

MarinoRoyale · 03/08/2022 12:10

I’d 100% stop doing it and if he dumps it in a pile, just bag it up in a bin bag to keep it seperate from the toys.

Yep. And tell him why. Him dumping the lot in front of the washing machine is a childish reaction to you not picking up his sweaty pants off the bedroom floor any more.
It’s absolutely a power trip. He feels it’s your job to pick up after him and do his laundry and he’s trying to make sure you WILL do it. But when you actually don’t do it, he’ll have to change his ways. Be prepared for sulky nonsense though, and things like him putting stuff in the washing machine but not taking it out / hanging it up all over the house or such.

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:31

He will occasionally spend an entire weekend washing his stuff after he's let it build up, but I'd say that happens maybe once, twice per month max.

I honestly have no issues with washing his stuff IF he keeps on top of adding it to the basket. If I'm doing a load of laundry that has mine and the DC's stuff in it, it's no skin off my nose to throw in the work shirt and trousers that he'd worn the day before.

OP posts:
Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 03/08/2022 12:32

Shove it a bin liner(s)and leave it. He was warned. Just like with children - you have to follow through with your threat/promise.
I feel your pain - I’ve been there and for the t shirt. Dh now brings it downstairs- and pops it either in the machine and switches on, or puts it in the hamper. Apparently having no clean underwear did the trick.
fwiw - follow up by making sure both of you know how to do all the household jobs incase one is incapacitated in some way.

felulageller · 03/08/2022 12:32

What a man child!

I wouldn't be doing his washing.

hassletassle · 03/08/2022 12:32

I agree with @FictionalCharacter. Be prepared to find a machine full of wet laundry that's been there for a couple of days when it comes to him doing his own… My response to this would be identical to what I said earlier. Bag it up as it is (wet) and Chuck it out of your way

jetadore · 03/08/2022 12:34

Yes, stop doing his washing. Dump the clothes in the the garage/shed.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 03/08/2022 12:34

I have also binned anything he refused to put away - saying he will so it later - which never came of course. That lesson took less time to learn.
(yep I am nagging wife.)

TiniestClanger · 03/08/2022 12:35

Is he like this with other things too?

carefullycourageous · 03/08/2022 12:35

I would really struggle to like someone who was this annoying. Is he a twat about other things?

Next time he drops piles of dirty laundry anywhere, silently bag it up and stick it in the garage/shed/his side of the bed/back in his wardrobe. And carry on with your day. I'd do this, I'd buy a laundry basket for the bedroom for his stuff and leave him to it. If he dumped his stuff in front of the washer I'd put it back up there.

I am someone who can escalate a dispute so I might get really difficult in response.

MouseShoes · 03/08/2022 12:40

Not sure why so many people are so fixated about where you keep the laundry basket. You’re absolutely not unreasonable to wash only what’s in the basket.

Brandnewwoman · 03/08/2022 12:41

I am going to get flamed here .
I couldn't be bothered with the stress of arguing about it .
I would pick it up when I was bringing DC clothes down -and wash the lot together -easy life .
In return I would expect my other half to cut me a bit of slack with my irritating habits of which I have many .

FictionalCharacter · 03/08/2022 12:41

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:31

He will occasionally spend an entire weekend washing his stuff after he's let it build up, but I'd say that happens maybe once, twice per month max.

I honestly have no issues with washing his stuff IF he keeps on top of adding it to the basket. If I'm doing a load of laundry that has mine and the DC's stuff in it, it's no skin off my nose to throw in the work shirt and trousers that he'd worn the day before.

Sure, but he isn’t going to keep on top of putting it in the basket is he? Not until you take some drastic action to show you won’t go along with his power trip.
I understand about not having a basket in the bedroom. We don’t do that because we have a very small bedroom and I don’t really want to look at a basket of dirty clothes in my bedroom anyway. We do have a small basket on the landing.
Not the point I know, but I find it odd for an adult man to change into his pyjamas at 5-6PM. Does he do this every day? Doesn’t he ever leave the house in the evening? (if not, he has plenty of time to do laundry 😉)

Treesuphooray · 03/08/2022 12:44

Honestly this kind of behaviour was one of the things that killed our relationship. After having our first child I wised up and stopped collecting together DPs clothes to wash. He now has his own room which is often worse than a teen age boys. He’s disgusting and leaves dirty work clothes all over. I keep the door shut. He was very embarrassed last time his sister came to stay. I warned him I wasn’t cleaning it and it still stunk when she came to stay in that room. He’s been a bit better since.

would inviting one of his family members over to view his disgusting habit shame him into acting like a grown up?

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:45

@FictionalCharacter we have three DC's 5 and under. Going out Monday to Friday isn't really something that either of us do. After work, he's too knackered to do much, and after a day of being the kids, I don't like to do too much either. So once dinners are done etc, we both changed in to either 'slobby' clothes or our pjs 🤷🏻‍♂️

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/08/2022 12:49

I’d get him a laundry basket in the bedroom so that he’s not leaving his stuff on the floor and then just tell him you’ll do the laundry for you and the kids and that he can do his when he wants.

deeperthanallroses · 03/08/2022 12:54

You have an opportunity here. It’s built up to this mountain, you don’t want to have to either get behind on your and dcs washing or wash double time to catch up- and why would you? His goes in bin bags, in the shed. I think there’d be a bonfire if Dh was this disrespectful about my time and effort to have a neat clean house.

Original poster
PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:54

Treesuphooray · 03/08/2022 12:44

Honestly this kind of behaviour was one of the things that killed our relationship. After having our first child I wised up and stopped collecting together DPs clothes to wash. He now has his own room which is often worse than a teen age boys. He’s disgusting and leaves dirty work clothes all over. I keep the door shut. He was very embarrassed last time his sister came to stay. I warned him I wasn’t cleaning it and it still stunk when she came to stay in that room. He’s been a bit better since.

would inviting one of his family members over to view his disgusting habit shame him into acting like a grown up?

That tactic definitely wouldn't work.

His siblings house permanently looks like a grenade has gone off in every room, and his DM's place isn't much better. I don't think either of them would be appalled by his laundry habits.

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 03/08/2022 12:56

You have a laundry system. Whether it's right or wrong, it works for you, and if you're the one doing the laundry, you get to choose. If he wants you to do his laundry, he has to work with the system.

If he doesn't like using the system, then he can wash his own clothes.

But I would also opt for a laundry hamper in the bedroom for him to use, so his dirty laundry isn't all over the floor.

Dumping a pile on the floor downstairs is fucking weird though, why's he doing that?

FictionalCharacter · 03/08/2022 12:56

PutTheLimeInTheCokeYouNut · 03/08/2022 12:45

@FictionalCharacter we have three DC's 5 and under. Going out Monday to Friday isn't really something that either of us do. After work, he's too knackered to do much, and after a day of being the kids, I don't like to do too much either. So once dinners are done etc, we both changed in to either 'slobby' clothes or our pjs 🤷🏻‍♂️

Fair enough! It’s just something I’ve never seen - slobby clothes yes which is what I wear all the time anyway but not actual PJs. I wasn’t thinking so much of actual going out, but things like gardening, popping to the shops etc.

toooldtocarewhoknows · 03/08/2022 12:58

He has no respect for you.

I would continue to wash it but, it would be very gradually, as and when there was space after doing everyone else's.

I'd bag it up in a big bin bag to one side so it's not inconveniencing your child and just take a few things out to wash each time a load is on.

His clothes only trickling back to him mean he'll be inconvenienced. He's used to pushing it until he's out of clothes then expecting them all washed and ready.

He may improve his ideas. It's either this or down tools and refuse. But this will cause bad feeling and arguments. You can say you are doing a normal amount of washing and it will take quite a while to get through his. It would be better if he put stuff in the laundry as he used it rather than all at once.

Sparkletastic · 03/08/2022 13:00

Wash basket needed upstairs as step 1. If that doesn't work then stop doing his washing.

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