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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a friendship group

223 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 30/07/2022 12:30

I am part of a friendship group, there’s five of us including me. I have posted before about feeling excluded, a discovery of an extra WhatsApp group that I’m not a part of etc.

Seeking some advice on whether I am right to feel as hurt as I do -

last night we all met for a coffee and a walk along the beach. It’s one of the girls milestone birthdays in a few weeks and one of the other girls turned up with a bag of gifts for her. On the gift tag the gift was signed from the other 3 girls, I knew nothing about it. It was a beautiful, thoughtful gift, handmade by one of the girls. I was so embarrassed that my name was left off and that I knew nothing of this. A few weeks earlier I had mentioned what we were going to do/get for a present and said I was very happy to chip in with a bigger item. My friend agreed and not much more was said. This has left me feeling completely shit, I was so embarrassed to just sit there with nothing to give, I almost walked off but didn’t want to make a scene.

Theres been similar instances where I’ve been excluded but nothing quite so obvious.

I am on the fringes of the group, the only one with kids, I live far away and can rarely get out to see them all (I am a parent carer to a disabled child).

Feel like this group is making me very unhappy and I would be better off leaving it.

OP posts:
ChagSameachDoreen · 30/07/2022 12:31

Sack 'em off.

dreammattemousse · 30/07/2022 12:32

Cunts
Get some new friends
You deserve better than this

JustJeans · 30/07/2022 12:35

Yes. Block and delete. Put your energies into making new friends who aren't mean.
I'd rather have no friends than put up with that shite.

Maggit · 30/07/2022 12:35

They're bullying you.

Imissmoominmama · 30/07/2022 12:35

Can you ask the others why you were excluded, even though you’d offered? I think, if you’re going to leave the group, they should be aware of the fact that their thoughtless behaviour is why.

chipshopElvis · 30/07/2022 12:38

Oh that's really unkind, I would be upset too. Time to ditch them I think! You deserve friends who are kind, supportive and thoughtful towards you and your circumstances.

AtrociousCircumstance · 30/07/2022 12:39

Wow what utter fucking arseholes they are OP. Please dump them. They deliberately created that situation to make you feel excluded and ‘less than’ in the group. It’s unforgivable bullying and please feel strong enough to walk away.

Is the birthday woman nice or is it all of them behaving this way?

sympathies because that’s horrible OP Brew

herecomemydemons · 30/07/2022 12:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

switswoo81 · 30/07/2022 12:40

Leave.. you do not deserve this.

CrowsHaveEyes · 30/07/2022 12:40

I think they are well aware of what they're doing, which is, as another person said, bullying. I would just step back completely. It's not worth getting into a discussion they will only make you feel that you're being unreasonable or sensitive. You know you're not so time to get on with surrounding yourself with people who bring something positive to your life

Meowmeowmeowmeowmeow · 30/07/2022 12:42

This happened to me.

The final straw was going on a girls night out where they all spoke amongst themselves and did not speak to me once - I was like their embarressing accessory.

Sacked them off eventually and never looked back.

One of them messaged me in March saying 'I have friends to talk to' - yep. And its not you you bunch of utter cunts. They clearly just wanted information about me - probably largely revolving around marital status.

twoandcooplease · 30/07/2022 12:42

I do remember you posting before I think. You're being treated so badly

End the 'friendship'

If that was me my MH would be through the roof

TheMooch · 30/07/2022 12:44

That is mean of them.

I would step back from them and focus on things and people that make you happy.

OriginalUsername2 · 30/07/2022 12:45

You need to speak up!

“oh I had no idea about this, how lovely!” in front of the birthday girl

“I said to you I’d chip in! How come you left me out?” to your other friends.

Dont be afraid of a bit of conflict to get the respect you deserve!

People will treat you how you let them. If they know you will speak up to them, they’ll treat you better.

Coachwork · 30/07/2022 12:47

They know your situation. How hard would it have been to add your name? They must have been aware this would make you feel uncomfortable. If the Birthday friend is better I'd send flowers on the day but if you feel she's as bad I'd sack the lot of them immediately.

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 30/07/2022 12:48

I’m tempted to message the main one who did the organising to say that I was upset to have been left out. Honestly I was so embarrassed and it just confirmed my feelings that I’m not actually in the group after all. I do feel at this point that I’ve got nothing to lose.

OP posts:
CuriousCatfish · 30/07/2022 12:49

I think you should message them and tell them exactly how you feel. Then block the lot of them.

Thelnebriati · 30/07/2022 12:52

I wouldn't bother to message them about how I felt.
I might say 'in future if you decide to exclude someone, don't be passive aggressive about it and just delete them from your group'.

FuckingHateRats · 30/07/2022 12:54

That's deliberately mean and exclusionary. Ditch the bitches. Can you explain to the birthday friend that you knew nothing about it?

HazelFazed · 30/07/2022 12:56

That’s awful behaviour from these so called ‘friends’!

I would definitely speak up! Which of the three did you offer to make a contribution to the present or was it all three? I’d start there first.

MarshaBradyo · 30/07/2022 12:56

That is an awful way to treat you

JazzHandsYeah · 30/07/2022 12:56

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 30/07/2022 12:48

I’m tempted to message the main one who did the organising to say that I was upset to have been left out. Honestly I was so embarrassed and it just confirmed my feelings that I’m not actually in the group after all. I do feel at this point that I’ve got nothing to lose.

I think you should do just that. And then draw a line under that group and move on, without them.
They’re not friends, real friends don’t treat each other that way.

I remember your other posts, they sound like a bunch of mean, manipulative school bullies, and you deserve SO much better than that.

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 30/07/2022 12:57

Thank you all. I really do feel like it’s a nasty thing that they’ve done. This situation is badly affecting my mental health. I suffer from social anxiety and feel like this is just confirmation that I am completely worthless in that group 😞 DH wants to message the main girl (he knows her too), probably not the best idea!

I felt like they sensed that I was upset last night, main girl kept suggesting we see each other more, offering to drive up to see me, come to my work on my lunch hour. I think she knew that she had upset me, possibly. I left early with an excuse, group made a fuss, big group hug etc. All messaging in the WhatsApp group after. I have muted the group and not responded to my friends text.

OP posts:
Bonjovispjs · 30/07/2022 12:59

They're not friends, get rid and don't look back, you'll be better off without them, but I would be telling them what I think of them first, but I've got a big gob😁

HazelFazed · 30/07/2022 12:59

I would unmute and be totally with them honest, OP.

Write a reply on here, we can help and then post it on the WA group.