To not know what else to do with DM racist comment?

[FluffingMarvellous]

I'm utterly shocked.

Sat watching the news with DM and she randomly comes out with "I hope Rishi Sunak doesn't get PM as it would be awful to have a Muslim PM".

I was so shocked I just stared at her and said "That's completely racist, you can't say that!"

She then said "No its not really. It's political. If he got it, the Muslims would take over the country".

I was completely appalled, told her never to say anything like that to me and certainly not to the children but she just didn't get it.

DM has MH issues so it's v hard to challenge her on anything or it can turn quite nasty. But I still feel like I should have done more, I just don't know what as she's still my DM but I'm so shocked. She's never said anything like that in front of me before although I know she does have some very strongly pro Brexit ideas which almost verge on being anti non British people, but never explicit and only in line with other strongly pro Brexit people (which I'm not here to start a debate about).

Haven't told DH as would literally ban her from ever coming in the house again.

He's not even Muslim anyway, he's Hindu. But that's beside the point of what she said.

It's a disgusting thing to say. Unfortunately she won't be alone in her thinking.

I'm afraid I'd have to challenge that, nasty or not, but I can understand that it's difficult.

She doesn't turn nasty because she has MH problems.

She is nasty.

Im sorry OP. But the truth is she's not a nice person at all.

@ilovesooty I completely agree, I feel gutted she said it. Like I say, I didn't just ignore it - I did tell her it was racist and unacceptable and to never say things like that to me or the children but she just looked miffed, not like she understood.

And I still feel that wasn't enough of a reaction from me for something so awful but what else can I do when it's my own mum

@Tania64 sorry, are you saying that way of thinking is OK?

Sadly my late mother would have said the same. Anyone who wasn’t white, Protestant, heterosexual, middle class etc was inferior in her eyes.
Worrying, she completely denied being prejudiced about anything. Like your mother, she had ( undiagnosed back then) mental health issues. Again something she would have denied.
She liked my non white, non Christian husband actually, but sadly prefaced most comments with “considering he…”
Unfortunately I don’t think any sort of challenge, to the sort of person my mum was, would have had of any use whatsoever.

@wheresmymojo I agree. My mother was nasty. Sad to say but she most definitely was not a nice person.

You can ban her from your house but she can say what she likes in the privacy of her own home

Op. I abhor racism (and I'm ethnically Indian). If it was my mum I'd tell her that her views are unacceptable and racist and not to repeat them in front of you and your children but at the end of the day she is still your mother. I wouldn't expect you to majorly fall out with her over it though if everyone did that even with loved ones then there would probably be less racism. Anyway, I wouldn't be able to do that to my mum so I don't expect it from anyone else either.

I’d tell her she can’t say thing like that in your house but unfortunately you can’t tell her what to think or say in her own home.

The OP can still feel horrified and disgusted though - and say so.

Having MH issues doesn't make you a racist!

My FIL was massively racist and did not hold back; my OH acquired some of this, which was inevitable as that was how he was brought up. I did not tolerate it - he learned - or, basically, unlearned.

Most racism - or any other ism - stems from fear. You did what you could - you stated your case and your rules as regards you and the children. I do not think there is any more you can do; except maybe ponder what her fears might be and where they might have come from.

I see no reason why she can't be challenged on hate speech even in her own home.

Bloody hell! Is this real?

Sorry that should've said doesn't make it right to be a racist.

Having MH issues doesn't make you a racist!

Depends on the mental health issue tbh.

The last time I checked humans are allowed to think whatever they like. She shared her thoughts & gave her opinion. You disagree & do not have such fears yourself - this is also okay. What's the problem?

@Tania64 the problem is that it's blatant racism.

HTH

I'd find it a problem continuing to associate with racist family members personally.

What's the problem with being racist? Are you bored and looking for a bunfight or just a bit thick?

The "brown therefore Muslim" thing is probably fairly straight racism, but I think the "wouldn't want a Muslim in charge because they'd take over" also incorporates the same flavour of prejudice people have/had against Catholics — the fear that there's another, outside authority that they answer to, over and above what's best for the country — which is a slightly different issue to racism per se (though it can incorporate racism as well, obviously).

To be honest I probably wouldn't vote for any politician who I thought was so fervently religious that their political views and actions were being powerfully influenced by their belief in a set of faith-based propositions that I didn't share, whatever religion that happened to be. But then I wouldn't vote for a politician who believed strongly in anything else I didn't believe in either, whether that's Thatcherism or compulsory veganism or whatever. And if it's ordinary levels of religion like most people have, then it's not really that relevant.

I've got rid of some family from my life due to them being racist. If you want her in your life I’d tell her that if she ever said that shit in my presence again, you will be telling your husband and she’ll be banned from the house. That should shut her up. If she wants to kick off and blame mental health, let her, not your problem.

If you make a blanket ban on say8ng things like that, you don't actually educate or change people's minds. They still think like that, just quietly.

You could answer:
He's not Muslim, anyway.
Don't you worry the Christian politicians will try and convert everyone?
Why do you think a Muslim prime minister would make the country Muslim?
Do you think everyone that's dark skinned must be Muslim?
Why does that scare you?

Etc.

If you actually talk about it, she'll get to explain what she's really worried about and expose her irrational ideas to disinfecting sunshine.

'Shut up, that's bigoted!' Is such an unhelpful trap we've fallen into these days.