To not know what else to do with DM racist comment?

[FluffingMarvellous]

I'm utterly shocked.

Sat watching the news with DM and she randomly comes out with "I hope Rishi Sunak doesn't get PM as it would be awful to have a Muslim PM".

I was so shocked I just stared at her and said "That's completely racist, you can't say that!"

She then said "No its not really. It's political. If he got it, the Muslims would take over the country".

I was completely appalled, told her never to say anything like that to me and certainly not to the children but she just didn't get it.

DM has MH issues so it's v hard to challenge her on anything or it can turn quite nasty. But I still feel like I should have done more, I just don't know what as she's still my DM but I'm so shocked. She's never said anything like that in front of me before although I know she does have some very strongly pro Brexit ideas which almost verge on being anti non British people, but never explicit and only in line with other strongly pro Brexit people (which I'm not here to start a debate about).

Haven't told DH as would literally ban her from ever coming in the house again.

This. It would be much more helpful to talk to her about her ideas, and help her see her see and understand her own prejudice, than shut her down for being a racist. Unfortunately a lot of people think this way, it doesn’t help to be outraged and shocked.

genuine question many people share their inner thoughts with family.
i agree some thoughts are not politically correct but if a person can't speak freely with said family and then have a conversation to discuss where that person is coming from who can they talk to? the priest?
many people fear the unknown and people who they see as different.
can you not just say a little something and help her along with her cultural education?

Rishi Sunak isn't Muslim

My step-mum-in-law is racist and homophobic. She calls people "coloured" and believes she can "catch the gay". She was horrified when a gay couple of diverse heritage moved in next door. My father-in-law is a live and let live liberal so we were surprised when he decided to marry her. He, my DH, me and my DD are always telling her she can't say this or that but she won't change.

She is entitled to her opinion of course but there's free speech and then there's having respect for others. She gets on with her neighbours and even cat-sits for them now but she still calls one of them a disgusting name behind his back because he's not white.

The hilarious thing about this is that most of MN would call Rishi ‘scum’ for being a Tory. Apparently that’s perfectly fine but being racist is appalling.
Perhaps everyone needs to be more tolerant and actually listen to other people and find out why they hold different views. Try and change their views by reasoned argument rather than immediately cut them off.

As an aside, it was my understanding that it was not legal for this country to have a Catholic PM. But then, we appear to have had one by stealth!!

I am atheist so don’t want a PM of any religion, but then I know several people plus some on here that don’t relish a PM of any religion either, including their own, because of the risk of exploitation, either personally or through coercion by religious leaders. The secretive nature of the below is BJ all over.

Link won’t paste! From yahoo! 18 June 2021.

“Great Britain has its 1st Catholic prime minister, to the great surprise of most Britons

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, in the office since 2019, "recently came out as Catholic, to the concern of British Catholics, some parish priests, and parliamentarians," and to the surprise of even some of his closest political allies, Catherine Pepinster reports at Religion News Service. Johnson was baptized Roman Catholic, his mother's religion, but was confirmed in the Church of England at Eton and is not generally known to be a churchgoing man.

On May 29, though, Johnson married his longtime girlfriend Carrie Symonds at Westminster Cathedral, the seat of English Catholicism, and the Catholic Diocese of Westminster then declared that husband and wife were both baptized Catholics and Westminster Cathedral parishioners. (Symonds is Johnson's third wife, but they were allowed to wed in the divorce-hostile Catholic Church because Johnson's first two weddings were civil and thus not recognized as valid under canon law, Pepinster explains.) The couple gave their baby son Wilfred a Catholic baptism in September.

He spoke to Pope Benedict about converting to Catholicism within days of leaving Number 10, so clearly felt it wasn’t possible as Prime Minister.

Yes I know that. Your point?

Tony Blair waited to convert to Catholicism till after he left office. Catholics cannot be PM because their of their allegiance to Rome and because the prime minister helps (?) choose the high ups in the Church of England by chatting to the monarch about them.
Boris was born a Catholic but converted to C of E (I think). Camilla is also Catholic I think but too old to have any pesky Catholic princes.

Isn’t that the point

he isn’t Muslim - she is just assuming he is because of his skin colour

she is making a value judgment based on the above

hence she is racist

This comment makes no sense

tories Are scum based on their values and track record - ie based on fact

sunak’s colour (or implied religion because she thinks he is Muslim because he is Asian) will have no bearing on his performance as a PM - to think it would is based on prejudice and not fact - hence it is racist

no I don’t need to be tolerant of racism or homophobia or any other bigotry

I expect that would suit her just fine.

Can you really not see the difference between expressing negativity about someone based on their political values, attitudes and behaviour, and expressing negativity based on their race?
I have listened to Sunak and other Tories plenty thank you, and have not changed my view about whether I would want them governing the country. Nor do I believe the answer is for me to be 'more tolerant' of a value system, priorities and decisions I believe to be wrong.

It’s speculation that she assumed his religion based on his race.
Yes she was mistaken, but she genuinely believed he was a Muslim.
Her objection was to the religion she thought he was, not his race
So she was definitely being religiously intolerant/Islamaphobic
We don’t know for sure if she is also racist.

This thread is so disingenuous. I do not believe for one minute the OP needed guidance. I do not believe for one minute the outpouring of hatred in return is genuine, it's just a way for people to feel like they are good people. Anyone who suggests this may not be the biggest deal since sliced bread is bullied and name called. No wonder the internet relies on these posters to make people.laugh about how sad and narrow people's lives are.

They went to a Catholic school because their mother is Catholic. This is the case in most families where the parents are of different religious faiths.

While Blair may have lied about his religious faith, along with so many other things, he didn't officially convert until after he left office.

@fUNNYfACE36 Do you extend this logic to paedophilia?

@IImustLearn2Cook My DM was previously involved with precisely such a strongly converting Christian movement herself. I know she would have no issue with a very devout Christian as PM

How can you have disingenuity in an AIBU thread @JoJossfromtenko ? This wasn't posted on a "Help" thread asking for guidance. It was posted on an OPINIONS thread asking should I have reacted more strongly and done more. Because I kept going over the incident in my mind, felt really pretty upset by it and couldn't talk to my DH about it because, as stated, he would ban my DM from the house which I felt is inappropriate. No disingenuity there.

If you have a different opinion and believe people should be free to go around saying the type of thing my DM said, you're free to. Personally, I think it's sickening. However the angle of my question was to get perspective and reflect on if my reaction was the correct one or not. I've had some very helpful comments from posters giving perspective on how racism and religious fear are not necessarily the same thing, and also on other ways to approach this situation which I have acted on.

Totally agree .

MN is a different planet to the one I'm on , all this self flagellation for the most basic of statements . Mum says something you don't like / agree with hell just move on . Happens everyday of the week , no-one I know would bat an eyelid over such a thing .

My late dad would have probably said something broadly similar. Perhaps not as overtly racist, but very similar. His thing was always to dress it up in a joke, so people would never quite know if he was serious or not.

His thing was always to dress it up in a joke, so people would never quite know if he was serious or not.
we all know.

no one I know would bat an eyelid over such a thing

Thankfully I know very few people who would find that sort of comment acceptable.

I actually find these types the most repulsive. What a cunt.

This idea that Muslims always have to be respectful in the face of racism is very damaging.

Don’t hold Muslims to higher standards.