To not know what else to do with DM racist comment?

[FluffingMarvellous]

I'm utterly shocked.

Sat watching the news with DM and she randomly comes out with "I hope Rishi Sunak doesn't get PM as it would be awful to have a Muslim PM".

I was so shocked I just stared at her and said "That's completely racist, you can't say that!"

She then said "No its not really. It's political. If he got it, the Muslims would take over the country".

I was completely appalled, told her never to say anything like that to me and certainly not to the children but she just didn't get it.

DM has MH issues so it's v hard to challenge her on anything or it can turn quite nasty. But I still feel like I should have done more, I just don't know what as she's still my DM but I'm so shocked. She's never said anything like that in front of me before although I know she does have some very strongly pro Brexit ideas which almost verge on being anti non British people, but never explicit and only in line with other strongly pro Brexit people (which I'm not here to start a debate about).

Haven't told DH as would literally ban her from ever coming in the house again.

If people are bigoted and racist I'm not at all sure that any amount of exploration is going to change that.

When I worked in social care I had a client that had been raped by a black man. As a result she didn't want any black male support workers to support her. Do you think that this was 'blatant racism' & I should have told her she must accept whoever I send to support her??

It's not the same situation.

I meant to add — the fact that she got Sunak's religion demonstrates fairly nicely that he's probably not the fervently religious, allowing faith-based beliefs to influence policy, bringing it up every five minutes kind of person.

No of course it doesn't, where did you get that from? The MH part is only significant in that her particular MH condition makes her volatile and potentially violent when her belief systems are challenged. Otherwise I may have taken a stronger line.

what nonsense

By that logic it’s fine to think apartheid or the Holocaust is ok and not challenge the morality of that…

There is a need for human decency - and racism (and many other things) go against that

How is a rapist comparable to a job as prime minister

what an irrelevant example

in that situation it wouldn’t be surprising if she didn’t want a man full stop to be her support worker

It's not only white people that can be
racist . It goes on everywhere in every country on earth .

If you think that's even comparable I really hope you never actually worked in social care.

@FluffingMarvellous my first post was wrongly worded, I'm sorry!
I did repost.

<sigh> the fact that she got his religion wrong

I THINK this may be what she kept trying to say to me. However, I still strongly disagree with it and think her version at least stems from racist fear not love of politics.

@picpicklemewalnuts Thank you, I think this is what I felt I was missing. I may send her a message.

That's clearly not racism, it's trauma.

It's a generational thing . My parents come out with sayings that you couldn't say now .
FWIW I don't think your mother would be the only one to think that

I think it's important, Fluffing, to try and have such conversations calmly and slowly. Drip drip drip over time.

If we are confronted about things we fear or dislike, we get more defensive and less reasonable. If we feel attacked, we entrench our position rather than wondering if the other person has a point!

So try and put your shock to one side, and nibble away at the edges of it instead!

Yeah it's the same argument that's been used to discriminate against Catholics in the UK for hundreds of years. It can be hard to argue against compared to things that are more broadly seen as unacceptable, but stems from some of the same ideas — that a group of people are "other", that they're all the same as each other (e.g. if we're white British Christian we know from experience that white British Christians vary from massively religious and letting their faith/their minister's opinion dictate every decision they take, to having a vague idea that maybe there's a "higher power" and observing the more enjoyable festivals — but Muslims are all the same amount of religious and have the same aims as each other), and so on.

A number of years ago, I can't remember exactly when - except it was before COVID, I was speaking to my Dad about a funny thing that Stephen Fry had recently said. I nearly fell of the chair when my dad's only response was "I don't think he's so funny since he got married". I asked him to clarify, and he openly said that as Fry was making his "gayness so open", he was no longer so amusing to my dad even if he was watching material from the 80's or 90's.

For context, my dad will be 70 next year. I am still in shock over this comment, even though - as a former business owner - he is a confirmed Conservative and staunch Brexiteer, and I am definitely not either of those things. Homophobia just never struck me as being part of his ... whatever, I don't know how to describe it.

When people come out with this sort of thing, the best thing you can say to them (in a very casual manner) is ‘yes you’re right but there’s nothing we can do about it so better get used to it’.

Do not try and reason with them. And don’t stew on it. Let them stew instead.

Um...are you on the right thread?

My mother would have been over 100 if she'd still been alive and would never have said that. I've come across people younger than I am who express racist views.

I disagree that it’s a generational thing. My father was not at all like my mother, neither were my grandparents.

It's be a cold day in hell before I'd be saying racist shit like "Yes you're right [about Rishi Sunak spearheading a Muslim coup]" just to keep the peace.

@ilovesooty I agree

What a horrid woman. I hope Muslims and other ethnic minorities give her a wide berth.