To not pay for DD's school trip

[MamaCathy73]

Hi everyone,

My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

What should I do?

Can she get a part time job to pay towards it?

Say no . And explain why.

Be honest and say “we can’t afford it.” My parents were honest about these things and I think it really helped me appreciate things more.

14 year olds can get part time jobs. There are legal limits on hours they can work, how many hours and types of work. But they can work.

If you can't afford it then you can't afford it. £1000 is a lot to spend on one child's school trip. And you shouldn't put your finances at risk to do it. Sometimes kids have to hear the word no. It's a shame but it can't be helped.

I really wish schools would confine themselves to just teaching and stop doing expensive extras that put families under pressure.

I can't tell if this is serious or not? If it is, I couldn't take money from you, but thank you. Unfortunately, we've got no money in knicker drawers or anything like that!

Stay firm. Be sympathetic but honest. She’ll be cross for a bit but she’ll get over it, and it’s an important life lesson.

Is she sure that all her friends are going? Over £1000 is a lot and I would think other parents might be saying no.

Most of the year group won’t be going. She’ll get over it!

They can get paper rounds, a little bit of waiting tables in cafes etc. It is not silly to say can she get a part time job. They are lot harder to come by than they used to be though.

From about her age or maybe a year or two younger in a situation like this I would sit them down and do a basic family income and expenditure sheet and ask them where they can see the money coming from. They are old enough to understand if the money is not there it is not there.

Mine never went on trips like that. They knew we couldn't afford it so didn't bother to ask. I know that's not desperately helpful . Sorry. However for those with children starting secondary make sure you've prepared them for this. Loads of children won't be going. We were able to afford shorter weekend trips so they were able to choose one of them each. Perhaps this would be possible if your school runs any.

If it's no then it's no, but would she accept Birthday and Christmas contributions to it (so she gets the trip in lieu of presents?). Or no / half pocket money until she's contributed a decent amount?

I have to say, I went on two school foreign trips that I know were a struggle for my parents to pay for, but they remain some of the best memories of my teen years even now 25+ years later.

The thing with a part time job is that the OP will need to commit to the trip now. And pay a chunky deposit. She can't say yes on the proviso that dd gets a job and pays for it as there's no guarantee dd will get one or make enough to genuinely help with the cost.

When the email came through about the ski trip at my DS's school I told him how much it was and why I couldn't afford it and he said that's fine mum I wouldn't want you to spend that much. Why does she have such little idea about money?

Many schools offer bursaries to low income families for school trips. You could call the school and ask? If not, you have to tell your DD that you cannot afford the trip. As she is 14, it’s probably a good age to sit down with her (when she’s over being upset and a drama llama) and share the family budget with her. If she sees your monthly income and outgoings, she’ll understand better that you truly cannot afford the trip and learn from you how you determine what you can or cannot afford as an adult.

How much birthday and pocket money do your kids get??

I remember crying to my parents I wanted to go Pony Tracking for a week with school and crying that ally friends were going. Only 3 from my class were allowed to go. I knew my parents could not afford it and in the end my Auntie payed half. As an adult I felt guilty I did that to my parents especially as my Mum would have been mortified accepting money from my Aunt. Just say no you can't afford it.

If you can't afford to pay for something twice, you can't afford it (not withstanding property I guess).

Many parents won't be able to afford it, there is no shame in that.

You don't have to be a low income family not to be able to afford a £1k holiday for your kid.

Can the school help out at all?

Our school trip always seem to come with a “please speak to the school if you really can’t afford this” message, for those who absolutely don’t have the money.

If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Of course it's disappointing for your daughter but she needs to understand that you may really want something but that doesn't make the money appear, sometimes we are disappointed

@CloseYourEyesAndSee I'm not talking about the entire cost obviously, but if she'd agree to no pocket money for a year and she gets £5 week for example, that's a quarter of it paid, and an appreciation of the sacrifices made to afford something.

I went without my £3 a week pocket money for 2 years to chip in a bit for my 2 school trips abroad.

Is it a private school? If so, it’s a tough fact that things like this may be small change to some of your DD’s peers which is probably why the school are able to offer it. Sadly it doesn’t take account of the situation of parents who may be sacrificing an awful lot
to send their DC there in the first place.

If it’s a state school, it’s unreasonable
of the school to be running a trip that a large proportion of the students will be unable to afford in the first place.

In your situation, it may be worth saying “no” this year but allowing DD the option to save up for the following year, encouraging her to get a weekend job etc. It will teach her the value of money.

At the moment, there will be kids who’s parents can barely afford uniform items, so I imagine the school is unlikely to have any sort of “help” scheme towards the trip, but it might be worth asking.