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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for DD's school trip

212 replies

MamaCathy73 · 10/07/2022 20:15

Hi everyone,

My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 10/07/2022 23:02

whattheduece · 10/07/2022 22:46

Babysitting yes. Child supervision? A tricky one to offer this - anything over two hours a day a day NOT at the parents house the person must be ofsted registered.
I say this as a registered childminder.

Show quote history

This is mother’s help so ok as the mum is there the teen isn’t classed as in sole charge.

EntertainingandFactual · 10/07/2022 23:31

Discovereads · 10/07/2022 20:24

Many schools offer bursaries to low income families for school trips. You could call the school and ask? If not, you have to tell your DD that you cannot afford the trip. As she is 14, it’s probably a good age to sit down with her (when she’s over being upset and a drama llama) and share the family budget with her. If she sees your monthly income and outgoings, she’ll understand better that you truly cannot afford the trip and learn from you how you determine what you can or cannot afford as an adult.

The problem is, there are many families who do not qualify for help because on paper at least, they earn what is considered to be an ok wage.
Due to the cost of living many people find that every penny they earn is accounted for.

rnsaslkih · 10/07/2022 23:36

Has she got any grandparents able to chip in?

If not, then I would tell her that it isn't affordable.

Alivekicking · 10/07/2022 23:40

A skiing trip isn't a necessity. It's wrong to ask the grandparents to pay for that, they're not a bloody piggy bank.

saraclara · 10/07/2022 23:54

Alivekicking · 10/07/2022 23:40

A skiing trip isn't a necessity. It's wrong to ask the grandparents to pay for that, they're not a bloody piggy bank.

It's the non essential stuff that some grandparents want to help with. As mine did.

I wasn't remotely spoiled and didn't have a lot of stuff. My grandparents weren't the cosy sort who handed out treats or fired over me. But they did know that I was passionate about other countries and cultures from being a tiny child. When I visited them I'd get out their atlas and their encyclopedia of the world out, and that's how I passed my time while the grown ups talked.

So yes, when I was 15 and my school decided to offer tl an educational Mediterranean cruise on one of the BI 'school ships', and my gps knew my parents couldn't afford it, they stepped in. I'd never been abroad before (this was 1970) and that trip was transformational for me.

And that was it. Life went back to normal. No spoiling, no treats, just gentle life. And I've been an inveterate traveller ever since.

saraclara · 10/07/2022 23:54

Fired? Fussed.

Mummyofmaniacs · 10/07/2022 23:56

I find two things quite worrying in this thread... The first being that so many people are trying to guilt the OP into spending money she has clearly stated she does not have, sending DD on an expensive holiday by quoting little anecdotes about how they remembered it all their lives...The second is that nobody has questioned why, at 14, the DD has so little knowledge about finance that she is unable to comprehend the simple fact of not having enough money.

Murdoch1949 · 11/07/2022 00:02

Explain the situation, say No, and stick to it. You could offer her the option to fund half herself if that would be possible. None of my children went skiing, 4, even though we were professional parents.

Sunnytwobridges · 11/07/2022 00:09

It would be a no for me and I wouldn’t feel guilty about it either. She won’t be happy but she will get over it.

BungleandGeorge · 11/07/2022 00:12

Well teens are selfish aren’t they, if you’re living without frills she’ll understand deep down.

Blobblobblob · 11/07/2022 00:21

This is an opportunity to sit her down and explain the household budget to her, she needs to learn about these things anyway and it might help her to understand.

OldFan · 11/07/2022 00:22

that was for £5.50 per/hr in the mid 90's.

@saleorbouy Maybe it depends on the area but at 15, my Saturday job in a shop in '92 earned me £11 for the whole day. 😂

Alivekicking · 11/07/2022 00:25

I too believe in seeing the world @saraclara Everybody should do it but I'm a little dubious as to whether skiing qualifies as cultural enrichment.
I'm sorry but I don't think going down pistes is on par with doing an educational cruise and visiting other countries as you did (I assume there was still plenty of time for a lot of fun though).

FlatWhiteLover · 11/07/2022 00:25

Your DD will not be scared for life missing out on this school trip, yes she might be disappointed for awhile but she will get over it, its not worth financial strain for mild disappointed.

I never went on the overseas school trips (a couple of UK geography based ones only) because my parents could never afford it. One girl went on several of them because her parents were minted, I was slightly jealous but it was not the end of the world, we still went away with as a family.

I dont have a problem with them offering it because some children have disabled parents and its a good opportunity for parents only having to pay for one child instead of the whole family.

OldFan · 11/07/2022 00:25

I went on one of the ski trips. It was well posh as well, we had to dress for dinner. It probably cost my parents quite a bit but I probably enjoyed the Youth Hostel trip in the Peak District more.

Genericusername1234 · 11/07/2022 00:27

Mummyofmaniacs · 10/07/2022 23:56

I find two things quite worrying in this thread... The first being that so many people are trying to guilt the OP into spending money she has clearly stated she does not have, sending DD on an expensive holiday by quoting little anecdotes about how they remembered it all their lives...The second is that nobody has questioned why, at 14, the DD has so little knowledge about finance that she is unable to comprehend the simple fact of not having enough money.

You are very easily worried then. Posters are telling the OP what they’d do, which is what she asked. No one is guilting anybody.

Alivekicking · 11/07/2022 00:29

The only thing that stuck from going snowboarding was the guy with the face of and angel that taught me. I wish I has been braver!

OldFan · 11/07/2022 00:47

The best bit for me was there was a tiny mouse in the room I was sharing with another girl. I named it after the village and wanted to take it home. It was so small it would sit on top of a wall socket.

BlueStarfish · 11/07/2022 00:50

OldFan · 11/07/2022 00:47

The best bit for me was there was a tiny mouse in the room I was sharing with another girl. I named it after the village and wanted to take it home. It was so small it would sit on top of a wall socket.

😂😂😂

saleorbouy · 11/07/2022 01:04

It was my own business I set up when the old lady down the road gardener retired and her lawn became over grown.
I knocked on a few doors and soon found alot more business.
My friends were earning £2.80 an hour at the local garden centre so £5.50 was great for the manual labour.
I eventually sold on my business, tools and equipment when I went to Uni to my friends brother, he continued for another 5 years.
What I'm really getting at is if you use your brain you can make money if you want it badly enough.
There are plenty of opportunities still out there.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/07/2022 02:00

myuterusistryingtokillme · 10/07/2022 21:01

*Blimey - I think you win the most negative comment of the day.

The PPs daughter has developed a love of ski-ing and the mountains. I doubt the PP can send her daughter every year, but in a couple years holiday jobs will enable her daughter to save up if that’s what she really wants.

But by sending her once, the PP ignited that passion.*

I disagree, the poster said they spent more on this trip for DD than the family holiday and now because she enjoyed it so much she wants to go every year. I was genuinely asking how the were planning on facilitating that, they've paid a whopping great fee for a school trip and now need to manage expectations - I'd rather not have paid a load of money for a school trip to ignite a passion I can't help nurture than give her a taste of something she can't necessarily enjoy until she can pay for it herself in the futur 🤷‍♂️

@myuterusistryingtokillme

But why?

She’s discovered a love of ski-ing, and she can pay for herself in a few years.

Why isn’t it a good thing to have new experiences and find things you enjoy?

BoJoGoGo · 11/07/2022 07:49

But why?

She’s discovered a love of ski-ing, and she can pay for herself in a few years.

Why isn’t it a good thing to have new experiences and find things you enjoy?

I agree

Sartre · 11/07/2022 07:54

Just be honest and explain why you can’t afford it, at her age she needs to understand this. Ski trips aren’t very popular in most state schools for this reason so your DD must have a group of wealthy friends if they all can afford it.

When I was at school it was always the wealthier kids who went, usually the ones without siblings too so parents could spend all excess cash on their one child. The ski trip at my DS’s school was cancelled because there wasn’t enough interest, understandably.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 11/07/2022 07:58

Well I guess we'll have to agree to disagree.

It's great she has found something she enjoys but in the meantime they have to manage a teen who wants to go every year and can't, and may get frustrated and upset with her parents that she has found this new 'passion' but can't actually enjoy it again

MummaTrinee · 11/07/2022 08:03

Maybe it's about time she had an idea about money. It would make her less resentful understanding the fanily financial dynamics.

My children understood this from quite a young age and it's helped during those hard times.

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