To not pay for DD's school trip

[MamaCathy73]

Hi everyone,

My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

What should I do?

I'd imagine the school would help fund a year group "bonding" trip - to the PGL type places or something, something that is affordable tot he majority, but other might need help, and 99%+ of Year Group are going or could be expected to go.

But a Ski trip where a small % would be expected, they're just not going to do that surely? They can;t exactly pay for OPs kid to go, and not offer the same amount of discount to all other families.

She doesn’t go.

It’s that simple.

You tell her you can’t afford it, in plain terms, you don’t apologise for that, but you do sympathise and show understanding for her disappointment. But that’s it. She’s never going to have any understanding of money if you don’t teach her.

oh yeah, really easy for families to find £100 odd quid a month for a year or so to send their kids skiing... :/

30 odd years ago my North West public school offered a ski trip and a lot of my friends went. I wanted to go, my mum said no she couldn’t afford it, I accepted it

at 14 I absolutely had an idea about money and what things cost

On the day my friends went away I remember we went to cinema got some food etc. maybe do something similar?

I think you'll find "all"" her friends are not going. They may be talking about it but ski trips have only a small percentage of the children going

I doubt "everyone" is going. In dds school there are, I think. 30 places a year offered to all pupils. It's selected randomly so lots of back and forth from kids who only want to go with their friends.
Even if its a whole year, they won't all go.

My dd1's school have a ski trip next Feb also at a cost of £1000+. Thankfully, my dd1 didn't want to go on it, but I would have said no because of the cost. Instead, I made a deal with her that she could go on a different (cheaper) school trip abroad eg to France or Spain. She should hopefully be off to Paris in October 🤞

My son a few years ago went on school trip to New York. At first my son said everyone was going, I think a lot of the kids made the decision before even speaking to parents. But it turned out most parents had same concerns regarding cost. So a lot of kids didn’t get to go. His school set up a payment plan of a monthly amount so made it more manageable to pay. They also did a-lot of fund raising throughout the year to reduce our monthly payment so it turned out a good bit less then what it originally should have been. I would maybe tell her that just now it’s not something you could commit too due to cost but maybe phone the school to see if they plan on doing anything for parents to help reduce cost. You’ll probably find in a couple of week not very many of her friends will be going.

“She doesn’t go.

It’s that simple.

You tell her you can’t afford it, in plain terms, you don’t apologise for that, but you do sympathise and show understanding for her disappointment. But that’s it.”

^Yes, this

If you can’t afford it there’s your answer. Ski trips were the only thing I refused as it’s not just the trip cost, it’s hiring or buying all the gear too plus I have a fear of my child breaking bones or falling from a ski lift.

My DC went on one that was £1100 and that was 9 years ago. DC went from three different times year groups and only a small percentage went. Unless it’s a private school I don’t believe most pupils will be going.
I think you need to work out if you can afford it and if so do you want to pay it. If the answer is yes it’s a really good opportunity to try skiing without paying out for a family ski holiday.

I knew better than to ask my parents to send me in this type of holiday.

I survived.

They also did a-lot of fund raising throughout the year to reduce our monthly payment so it turned out a good bit less then what it originally should have been.

The problem with this is whether the children are motivated enough to arrange their fundraising and also you’re effectively asking other parents, friends and family to pay for your child to go on a jolly.

Ask her "If I handed £1000 over to you now in cash, what would you spend it on?"

It won't be the skiiing trip that's for sure.

Oh dear

In that situation with my dd she really wanted to go. We could afford it but her siblings hadn't had such expensive trips. . So she agreed no pocket money for the year. Even at 5 a week that was 250. Then all birthday money and she had generous grandparents/ aunties . Also no new clothes etc. She was genuinely determined to go. She was 16 so a bit older. Her best friend did the same. They devoted themselves to it. She absolutely loved the trip as she had put such sacrifices in.
But remember there is also pocket money needed for trip!

*Blimey - I think you win the most negative comment of the day.

The PPs daughter has developed a love of ski-ing and the mountains. I doubt the PP can send her daughter every year, but in a couple years holiday jobs will enable her daughter to save up if that’s what she really wants.

But by sending her once, the PP ignited that passion.*

I disagree, the poster said they spent more on this trip for DD than the family holiday and now because she enjoyed it so much she wants to go every year. I was genuinely asking how the were planning on facilitating that, they've paid a whopping great fee for a school trip and now need to manage expectations - I'd rather not have paid a load of money for a school trip to ignite a passion I can't help nurture than give her a taste of something she can't necessarily enjoy until she can pay for it herself in the futur 🤷‍♂️

This

and the idea that a school could - or even 'should' fund an optional / additional skiing jolly for one or a couple of pupils is ridiculous.

As pps have said, support may be available for something the whole class / year are going on to support the curriculum, but that is a long way from the optional extra that a few pupils will be going on.

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the number of people on here saying they got help from school for a ski trip!
I might find out if there was any charitable funding for a young carer, I suppose.
But money out of which pot just for a kid whose parents can’t afford a minority ski trip?! I’d love to know what fund that came from!

Some of my friends went on a school ski trip back 30 years ago. Yes I was disappointed but I knew we couldn't afford it so didn't even ask (although did leave the letter out in the kitchen!). It's worth noting that the cost probably doesn't include ski clothing and in my school's case they also did some lessons at a ski centre before they went (not sure if that was included in the price, but parents did have to transport their kids there).

As with others, there was only a small number of places for the whole year group, so even if everyone in the year wanted to go, less than a quarter would have been able to.

Agree just tell her no and explain why. I went on an assisted place to a private school and there were lots of times I wasn't able to have what everyone else had. It was shit when I was about 14. By the time I was 16, it didn't bother me any more. Not being able to afford everything you want is just part of life.

That's for whole class day trips type things where children would be visibly left out if they don't come. Not for very expensive optional trips that most kids don't go on.

I would ask her to save up half through a Saturday job

Honestly I was told no to the ski trip because it was too expensive. I had a little pout at the time but I did understand deep down and got over it. I've very close to my parents and the lack of ski trip did not ruin my youth in anyway. It's a no end of story, don't bend over backwards for this and don't stress it.

She saves 50 a month and so do you