Page 4 | To not pay for DD's school trip

MamaCathy73 · 2022-07-10T19:15:42+00:00

Hi everyone, My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me. What should I do?

5128gap · 10/07/2022 21:06

I'd also be very surprised if everyone else goes. Similar happened with my DD 'everyone' was going. The trip ended up cancelled in the end as there wasn't enough take up.
I think in the unlikely event 'everyone' is going, I think its going to feel very hard for you not to send her, and if you do you'll feel worried about finances. It's no win for you and I hate that schools put people in this position.

00100001 · 10/07/2022 21:07

Testina · 10/07/2022 21:02

I am absolutely gobsmacked at the number of people on here saying they got help from school for a ski trip!
I might find out if there was any charitable funding for a young carer, I suppose.
But money out of which pot just for a kid whose parents can’t afford a minority ski trip?! I’d love to know what fund that came from!

Literally nobody has said that they got help form the school for a ski trip...

only that the School offered payment plans, and that they organised fundraising stuff. But that isn;t financial controbution directly

00100001 · 10/07/2022 21:08

Sloebluewalls · 10/07/2022 21:06

She saves 50 a month and so do you

Where is OP getting £50 a month from? and OPs DD for that matter....

ThatDamnedDog · 10/07/2022 21:09

There is no point putting yourselves under financial pressure for an extra curricular trip, and it won’t only be £1000 outlay.
My DD went on a ski trip just before covid, it was £1600 for the trip/ski and boot hire and £500 ski lessons before she went (she is very uncoordinated so maybe your Dd will need less) and £200-300 on clothes/jacket/snow boots and then spending money on top!
It is a shame but if you can’t afford it, then you can’t afford it. I bet most of her friends don’t go either, loads of my DD’s friends didn’t end up going.

Redburnett · 10/07/2022 21:09

Just tell her no, you cannot afford it. TBH a ski trip (especially if she has not skied before) would not be a priority for an expensive holiday for a teen for our family. There will probably be a lot of extras too, kit, ski lift pass etc etc...

DashOfMilkNoSugar · 10/07/2022 21:10

I would ask her to save up half through a Saturday job

She saves 50 a month and so do you

Good ideas in theory but what if she can’t/doesn’t? Then the OP is left with the bill.

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 21:10

Genuinely asking as my dc is only primary, but what is the purpose of these trips? Given that only a tiny % of places can be accommodated? And also it makes it quite obvious those who can't afford it and those who can?

00100001 · 10/07/2022 21:11

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:00

Ask her "If I handed £1000 over to you now in cash, what would you spend it on?"

It won't be the skiiing trip that's for sure.

This!

its very easy to spend other people's money on things we wouldn't spend our own money on.

DS would ask me when growing up for whatever (let's say a Ninjago model at £15+) and I'd say "Sure, you can buy it, let's get your birthday money from the bank...." then all of a sudden it wasn't quite as coveted!

CoastalWave · 10/07/2022 21:11

I remember a ski trip aged about 14. I saw the letter, sighed inside and didn't even take it home to Mum as I knew they couldn't afford it. I would never have dreamt of making her feel bad about it. She never even found out about it until about 20 years later when i met up with some old school friends! And trust me, everyone went on that trip, literally everyone. I spent the week in a different class. (private school)

The issue isn't so much the trip - it's how your daughter is reacting to receiving the information a. by even asking you to pay and b. by then throwing a strop.

You need to be far more honest with her about what you can and can't afford. Have you always been the type who says yes to everything?

Polly421 · 10/07/2022 21:13

@DashOfMilkNoSugar I understand your point as the fundraising we did then probably would be harder now with the cost of living rising so much. My boy spent a lot of his free time at weekends bag packing in places like Tesco’s, Sainsbury’s etc Such a thing like that wouldn’t happen now I don’t think.

BoJoGoGo · 10/07/2022 21:13

The cost will include ski pass and lessons. My DS’s school had a lot of ski clothes people could borrow and we borrowed a coat and bought the rest. He had £50 spending money when he went which would probably be closer to £100 now. It was an amazing trip, they did lots of evening activities such as going to watch an ice hockey game which was and still is of great interest to my DS.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:14

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 21:10

Genuinely asking as my dc is only primary, but what is the purpose of these trips? Given that only a tiny % of places can be accommodated? And also it makes it quite obvious those who can't afford it and those who can?

They aren't educational, and are purely for pleasure. It's good that schools offer such trips, as it may be the case that a family cannot afford to take the whole household to (say) Paris, but could stretch to 3/400 in order for one of their dc to get a trip abroad as a one off.

OhTheLeetleHandsAndFeetle · 10/07/2022 21:14

Say no and stick with it. If you can’t afford it, then that’s that. She might be upset about it, but not having enough money is a great big brick wall we all come up against at some point. There just isn’t enough money and that’s that.

00100001 · 10/07/2022 21:15

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 21:10

Genuinely asking as my dc is only primary, but what is the purpose of these trips? Given that only a tiny % of places can be accommodated? And also it makes it quite obvious those who can't afford it and those who can?

Possibly to allow a child to experience something that couldn't be afforded as a family (or parents/siblings aren't interested in)

Sp you might be bale to afford £1000 to send your 14yo on a ski trip, but couldn't afford for the 14yo and 2 adults to go o the same holiday as it would be more than triple the cost.

Or, you might absolutely detest skiing or be scared of it or have zero interest, but want your kid to enjoy it, so send them that way.

I took kids to Disneyland Paris through Girl Guiding whose parents cited those reasons -so presumably its similar for big School trips.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/07/2022 21:16

l’m gobsmaked st the amount of people on here saying get a part time job!

As she’s under 16 she would need a work perming from the LA. No employer is going to faff with that. People don’t employ 14 year olds because of all the h and s stuff.

l wouldn’t let a 14 year old babysit my children, most agencies need a DBD certificate for babysitters.

The only thing she can actually do is a paper round. And the pay is crap for those.

Blaggertyjibbet · 10/07/2022 21:18

Could you stretch to half of the cost? If she is willing to earn half, could you offer to match it? That way it’s more affordable for you and she learns about earning her way.

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 21:19

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:14

They aren't educational, and are purely for pleasure. It's good that schools offer such trips, as it may be the case that a family cannot afford to take the whole household to (say) Paris, but could stretch to 3/400 in order for one of their dc to get a trip abroad as a one off.

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But then one dc out of the household would be at an advantage vs the other kids. Is this significant enough a reason for these trips to exist.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:21

We've discussed secondary abroad trips with dc and told them that our plan is to pay for one each. We have savings ready which hopefully will stay for them (only an actual emergency will deplete these).

However we have had the discussion about the type of trip they choose. So as a family we are likely (and have in the past) done UK skiing, abroad European city breaks etc. So if they come home with a letter for a trip to Paris, its somewhere we could do as a family trip.

If they brought home a letter for the Himalayas or Japan, its pretty much a certainty that we'd never be able to provide a family trip there (due to cost) - so it would make sense for them to hold out for something like that.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:22

But then one dc out of the household would be at an advantage vs the other kids. Is this significant enough a reason for these trips to exis

Not if their dc are in different year groups and the next trip doesn't need paying for another 2 or 3 years. Staggering the cost

Mamansparkles · 10/07/2022 21:23

I'd be sitting her down and talking to her about finance. Talk her through the family budget. She needs to learn this now.
My mum sat me down aged 7 and explained why I couldn't do a lot of the things my friends did, with some basic figures that my 7 year old brain could understand. I was the only pupil in my school who didn't go on the year 6 residential, because we fell just above the free school meals mark so didn't qualify for a bursary but we couldn't afford it. By that time aged 11 I completely understood and didn't even question it when my mum explained we couldn't afford it.
We shelter children so much these days and when it comes to things like this I don't think it does them any favours in the long run.

saraclara · 10/07/2022 21:23

The problem with ski trips is that the £1000 isn't the end. There's the clothing needed. Ski suits aren't cheap.

Unless you have family members who can help (I'll be forever grateful to my grandparents who stumped up half the cost of the school educational cruise that I went on back in the early '70s) I'm afraid you're just going you have to talk through your family budget with her so that she understands why it just can't happen (and that you wish it could).

Noblojoforbojo · 10/07/2022 21:23

This could be the making of her financially. My parents couldn’t afford the equivalent of £1.5k for a trip to Japan - and that was 30 years ago! I was the top student in the subject and it felt unfair (I know it wasn’t but when you’re 14…). That feeling made me determined to save money and make money throughout life - even though I chose a fun but not amazingly well paid profession for the first 20 years. I seemed to have a bigger appreciation for money than many peers as I understood what it was like not to have any.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 10/07/2022 21:24

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:21

We've discussed secondary abroad trips with dc and told them that our plan is to pay for one each. We have savings ready which hopefully will stay for them (only an actual emergency will deplete these).

However we have had the discussion about the type of trip they choose. So as a family we are likely (and have in the past) done UK skiing, abroad European city breaks etc. So if they come home with a letter for a trip to Paris, its somewhere we could do as a family trip.

If they brought home a letter for the Himalayas or Japan, its pretty much a certainty that we'd never be able to provide a family trip there (due to cost) - so it would make sense for them to hold out for something like that.

That's a great plan, but what will you do if they don't have the opportunity for the 'big trip' and therefore miss out by holding out for something that doesn't happen? Will you give them the funds to do their own trip at some point?

Anxiernie · 10/07/2022 21:24

I wouldn't expect her to get a summer job or a weekend job. If she wants to get one, fine, but I wouldn't push it. She has schoolwork to focus on. I would just say that I couldn't afford it and that's that. I didn't go on the ski trip either although I didn't want to anyway so it wasn't as bg of an issue.

BoJoGoGo · 10/07/2022 21:25

I was the only pupil in my school who didn't go on the year 6 residential, because we fell just above the free school meals mark so didn't qualify for a bursary but we couldn't afford it that’s so sad.