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Original poster

To not pay for DD's school trip

212 replies

MamaCathy73 · 10/07/2022 20:15

Hi everyone,

My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

What should I do?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:26

myuterusistryingtokillme · 10/07/2022 21:24

That's a great plan, but what will you do if they don't have the opportunity for the 'big trip' and therefore miss out by holding out for something that doesn't happen? Will you give them the funds to do their own trip at some point?

Show quote history

Sure - but it likely won't happen as they'll know what trips are coming up/expected. We certainly did. The years above talking about x or y trip, the fact that there's always a trip to Z or A.

Mally100 · 10/07/2022 21:26

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/07/2022 21:22

But then one dc out of the household would be at an advantage vs the other kids. Is this significant enough a reason for these trips to exis

Not if their dc are in different year groups and the next trip doesn't need paying for another 2 or 3 years. Staggering the cost

I guess this does make sense. I still think it puts parents in unnecessary difficult positions.

OldFan · 10/07/2022 21:27

She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

@MamaCathy73 Then this is the ideal time for her to learn most people don't have bottomless pockets.

As to people's suggestion that she gets a job to help pay for it, the amount she would earn would barely scratch it so you'd still be in the same bind financially.

Anxiernie · 10/07/2022 21:29

l wouldn’t let a 14 year old babysit my children, most agencies need a DBD certificate for babysitters

Neither would I, unless I knew the child myself, like a relative or a family friend.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/07/2022 21:30

I don’t believe all her friends are going. There will be limited places for a start do eg 30 from whole year. DD’s school did a ski trip feb 2020 and it was similar amount I think only 1 or 2 girls she knew went. She was actually on a Switzerland trip with Guides which clashed (Guides was half cost due to subsidies and fundraising)

Jellybean23 · 10/07/2022 21:32

You have to stick to your guns and tell her she can't go. It's not just the trip expense, it's the clothing and passport and spending money. It all mounts up.

offyoufuckcuntychops · 10/07/2022 21:32

unless it’s private school the majority of her friends won’t all be going!

Even then, the majority of her friends won't be going. Most people with DC at independent schools are fucked by the fees, so there is nothing left for fancy trips.

saleorbouy · 10/07/2022 21:33

Help her to get a job or do odd jobs in the area, car washing, paper round, baby sitting, ironing etc and tell her you'll match her contribution.
If she REALLY needs to go she'll put her finger out and make it happen and raise £500.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 10/07/2022 21:34

If you can’t afford it you can’t afford it and that is the start and the end of discussion.

nokidshere · 10/07/2022 21:35

I let my son do one of the ski trips in secondary school, I think it was about 900 quid. Only 40 places and he got picked but none of his friends did. We borrowed clothes from some skiing friends of ours. But it's a holiday, not curriculum and I wouldn't expect the school to pay for it.

BoJoGoGo · 10/07/2022 21:35

I just remembered the deal with my DC was his Christmas present that year was the ski clothes which he was really happy with.

Liz1tummypain · 10/07/2022 21:37

Not really giving you advice but I remember wanting to go on a trip to France when I was 15. My parents said no and I sulked and sulked and sulked. When all my friends went on it, I did survive and now when I think back I realise I was acting like a spoilt brat. I'm ashamed of how I acted. I don't know how that might help, OP. Hope you come to a decision that you're happy with though. All the best.

saleorbouy · 10/07/2022 21:38

For those who say she can't earn enough at her age, that's not true.
At her age I easily earned £75 - 100 per/week mowing lawns, cutting hedges and gardening and that was for £5.50 per/hr in the mid 90's.
I'm sure she could earn £10per/hr with a little entrepreneurship and dedication.

flowerycurtain · 10/07/2022 21:40

My parents said no to a similar ski trip when I was at school.

Aged 14 I put together a "business plan" of how I could earn the money to go. And I did. Grass cutting for my family and for neighbours. Regular babysitting gigs,
worked at a little chef. They said I could go if I saved it all up and I managed it. Huge life lesson learnt.

However like a pp said it's virtually impossible to get a job under 16 anymore. It really annoys me how flipping hard it is. I'd love to employ a few more 14/15 year olds who are keen in our industry but the work permit is such a faff it really puts me off.

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Puffalicious · 10/07/2022 21:40

OP, these are life lessons. Perhaps explain to her- with a piece of paper and a pen- what your outgoings are. Often when it's in black and white it hits home. I know my DS1- very bright, thoughtful child- was shocked at age 16 at the amount of direct debits I have. It just came up.in conversation about the price of living and he was truly shocked.

Can I also say the costs will just rise- ski holidays require expensive clothing if you can't borrow it.

Discovereads · 10/07/2022 21:40

saleorbouy · 10/07/2022 21:38

For those who say she can't earn enough at her age, that's not true.
At her age I easily earned £75 - 100 per/week mowing lawns, cutting hedges and gardening and that was for £5.50 per/hr in the mid 90's.
I'm sure she could earn £10per/hr with a little entrepreneurship and dedication.

Yeah, health and safety wouldn’t allow that now, thirty years on. Too many ways to accidentally injure yourself with a lawn mower, hedge clipper, etc.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/07/2022 21:42

It sounds as if you are saying you could actually afford it at a pinch, bearing in mind you don't have to pay it all at once.
Maybe DD can contribute something?
It's a really great experience for her to have, especially if you won't be taking her skiing yourself- it's much cheaper for her to go with school than for the whole family to go.

mycatisannoying · 10/07/2022 21:43

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 10/07/2022 20:23

When the email came through about the ski trip at my DS's school I told him how much it was and why I couldn't afford it and he said that's fine mum I wouldn't want you to spend that much. Why does she have such little idea about money?

Well-done for raising the perfect son. Unfortunately some of us mere mortals have to contend with the typical, more self-centred breed!

Northernblueberry · 10/07/2022 21:43

Does your daughter know how to ski op?

Northernblueberry · 10/07/2022 21:45

saleorbouy · 10/07/2022 21:38

For those who say she can't earn enough at her age, that's not true.
At her age I easily earned £75 - 100 per/week mowing lawns, cutting hedges and gardening and that was for £5.50 per/hr in the mid 90's.
I'm sure she could earn £10per/hr with a little entrepreneurship and dedication.

That was 30 years ago. Things and safety standards has changed a bit since then. 😂

IrisVersicolor · 10/07/2022 21:48

I wanted to on on the school ski trip all the way through school but my parents couldn’t afford it. It’s not that big a deal.

PoleFairy · 10/07/2022 21:52

She should have an idea about money tbh and this should be a learning for her. I remember being 14 and I didn't even take the letter home as I knew it would be a stretch for my parents. And we were pretty well off (didn't want for anything and had a foreign holiday most years) but I was smart enough to know they could pull £1000 out their arse

Bobbybobbins · 10/07/2022 21:52

At my school we used to run a ski trip (I went as one of the staff one year). It was the only trip where financial help wasn't offered and was also the only trip run in the school holidays. I don't think we would fill it now with the increase in the cost of living,

Isahlo · 10/07/2022 21:54

Throwawaytoday · 10/07/2022 20:25

If you can't afford to pay for something twice, you can't afford it (not withstanding property I guess).

Many parents won't be able to afford it, there is no shame in that.

What a bonkers notion? We’ve saved £1000 for our family holiday, and spends (lodge for 5 days @£300 eurotunnel and fuel @£250, £350 spends and £100 contingency
we can only afford it once but we have worked very hard with extra jobs, dh and i eating jacket spuds for weeks on end, walking 3 miles to do the weekly shop and then loading backpacks and the buggy to get shopping home to save the fiver each week on petrol and parking etc etc

are you suggesting I need £2000 to be able to afford this? 🥴

DuckBilledPlattyJoobs · 10/07/2022 21:54

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/07/2022 20:25

Can the school help out at all?

Our school trip always seem to come with a “please speak to the school if you really can’t afford this” message, for those who absolutely don’t have the money.

This