To not pay for DD's school trip

[MamaCathy73]

Hi everyone,

My DD is 14 and her school is doing a ski trip for her year group. This is very expensive (upwards of £1000), and we simply cannot afford it. However, all of her friends are going, and she is making a fuss about not being able to go. It would not be completely impossible for us but it would be putting us at risk, and it would definitely impact our lives. She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

What should I do?

Exactly.

She doesn't seem to have much of an idea about money, and she is very frustrated with DH and me.

Have you told her, "we can't afford it"?

There were school trips I couldn't go on as a teenager because my single parent mother couldn't afford it. The whole damn SCHOOL could have been going on the trip and it wouldn't have made any difference because she didn't have the money to pay for it. I wasn't a particularly unselfish or mature teenager but I grasped this basic concept and in your case, £1000 for a school trip is going to be well outside the reach of many parents.

I'd be sympathetic but firm, you cannot afford it. She won't be the only one going. She will look back when she's older and realise how bratty she's been.

Yup I agree.

Our DS doesn't get to go on these trips either, and he is far from alone.

£1000 is our family holiday budget for the whole year, and we have to scrimp for that. We explained that, and he accepted it.

You're not alone, OP.

(He went on a much cheaper trip to France with the school, so hasn't missed everything, but not skiing or bloody Silicon Valley).

You need to be clear that you cannot afford it.

Some schools seem to be on another planet re the price of their trips.

DD didn't go on her school skiing trip despite DS going with his school a few years earlier. His was coach to Italy (about £700) hers was flying to Whistler (nearly £2000).

She didn't go on the geography trip to Iceland either, which was well over £1000. And she got over it.

She did, however, go on the history trip to France which was about £500.

(We went as a family of 4 to Iceland the following year and the price of her 4 day trip was enough for flights and accommodation for all 4 of us.)

^^This. Its a nice to have, not a have to have. I wouldn't even feel bad about it.

Just tell her you cannot afford it!

People are suggesting she gets a job but I don't think that's reasonable. Nobody will employ a 14 year old due to insurance, and even if they did, the minimum wage for that age is about £5 per hour, so she would need over 200 hours just to cover the basics. You can subsidise that trip in advance, so she simply cannot go!

Teach her about finances now. She's old enough!

Apologies if someone has already said this, but I’m angry and stunned at the insensitivity of a school arranging a ski trip in these very straitened times.
Of course, it may have been planned before the cost of living crisis became so obvious, but it’s horrible being in a position such as OP’s.

There have always been plenty of people.who couldn't afford £1000 for a school trip. There may be more now, but where was the sympathy for those who were struggling before the current cost of living crisis?

Agree with others, if she can't go she can't go, its very expensive and that's life. But I would also have a think about how much you could afford and work out if the shortfall could be made up by how much you and any other family would usually spend on Christmas and birthday presents (if family are happy to do this), & if that is feasible and put it to her as an option.

Saying no is the best option I think. A skiing trip is a luxury, a language exchange I would think differently.

If at 14 your DD knows little about money, this is an opportunity to start to make her aware. Save a lot of anguish perhaps later on.

I agree with those who think a skiing trip should not be organised at this time. Energy bills are about to go up, and Covid is still with us.

Our 10 year old came home with a letter for his ski trip last week... £1650 per child!!!! 😬 It is extortionate but if it is doable, I would say allow it as it's these experiences that the children will
look back on. Explain how expensive it is and ensure your daughter understands the value of sacrifice in order to be able to have what she wants.

What is the timeline for a deposit and full payment? Work out whether getting a part-time job a is feasible way to let the cost.

It’s not doable. Putting themselves financially at risk for a holiday is bananas.

This...
For a keen teen raising 500£ over a year... Is absolutely do-able..

I would happily pay a teen to do jobs I can't!

With the rising cost of living, they'll find less people able go on these trips or even those that can afford it may choose a family holiday instead. Ive never understood the idea of a skiing trip because its just so expensive. A few days somewhere in europe for max £500 would be a great experience but £1600 for 1 person is ridiculous. I'd rather take my whole family for not much more.

Many State schools have run ski trips for years- mine date back 40 years ago!
I have no idea why they insist on doing this other than some teachers fancy it.
it has always caused division amongst kids whose parent have and those that haven’t
whilst school trips that including overnight stays are important, it is just a fact of life, that your daughter will have to get to know, that not all of them are affordable to all and some are more privileged than others.

if she doesn’t yet understand much about money at 14 then that is with you and you MUST do something about it.

At that age you can start by handing over a monthly allowance for all her spends except essentials like school uniform, undies and haircut. Sit with her and devise a budget for her spends on her phone, clothes, cosmetics, social life. Get her a basic bank account and send her the money. Say if she wants anything else she’ll have to earn it. Explain the going rate you set of 30 mins additional chores (not essential chores that are part and parcel of her living in the house and contributing to housework). Come up with a list of chores she can opt to do to earn more money. Also encourage her to start thinking about what sort of part time job she might get if she wants more money. Talk about different options, age she needs to be . Use it as discussion on minimum wage,cworking hours etc. have a conversation about what hours are feasible to fit in with school work. She doesn’t need to start now, but sow the seeds to tell her options are out there to earn her own money for her own things later on.

Then talk to her about your budget. What you have to pay out in terms of outgoings. How many hours work that ski trip is and what % of household income. Don’t talk around it and don’t be general. Sit her down and treat it like a lesson in personal finance . Ensure she understands exactly where your income comes from, tax and what money has to be spent on essentials. Sure she may not want to hear it, don’t frighten her, but it shows you have taken Her seriously and that you want to explain why not and help her understand what is possible in terms of spends on her, vs what is not

finally get her started on Martin Lewis financial education stuff for kids.

honestly, 14 is too old for her to be thinking money grows on trees still. You are not helping her or yourselves to let her continue to bury her head in the sand and behave like an entitled little princess.

Exactly, why a bloody ski trip??

The annual ski trip is the ONLY non-subject related trip offered by DS's school - depending on the subjects a child studies it could be the only one they qualify for. There are so many brilliant options that they could offer for just a few hundred pounds that would hugely widen the number of students who could take part (and also make it easier to subsidise those that can't). I just don't understand it.

And I don't buy the argument that it gives parents the opportunity to let they kids try skiing without the expense of taking the whole family - surely there are a billion other activities that could apply to, why is it always skiing that somehow gets this special treatment?

@DockOTheBay

When did I say I had no sympathy? Please show me.
And anyway, I'm talking about the situation as it is now, not the past.

You are angry and stunned that they're arranging a school trip now. Were you angry and stunned when they arranged the same trip in 2019? I'm sure plenty of people couldn't afford it then either.

People are commenting on the situation now with this OP. There have always been people who can't afford trips and the OP can't be blamed for that. She's hardly to blame for the current crisis either. Don't blame her for things which are beyond her control.

It's obviously because the staff want the holiday.

but it's probably because the ski trip is a "known entity" - the staff and school know exactly what they're doing in terms of the company used, forms filled in, Risk Assessments, where to go, what's on offer, limited spaces meaning kids are easier to handle - from navigating through airports to checking in and out of ski school etc each day

It's not the School's responsibility to offer trips that suit everyone - especially when it's during holiday time. They can offer whatever suits them. If parents don't like the option, they're more than welcome to help organise and accompany "better" trips. Or use other organisations such as Scouting to go on different trips.

It's not really educational either. I'd rather they go to see a battlefield.