To insist DC get christened even though it will cause huge fight in my marriage?

[probabyam]

Before we got married/had kids we didn't really talk about religion much. Neither of us go to church, however both have been christened. I'm Irish so went to a Catholic school and although we didn't really go to church as a family it was part of my life. DH was christened (Protestant) but actively anti any religion/thinks it's all mental.

When we got engaged I liked the idea of a church wedding but he was very against it so as it wasn't as if I attended church I didn't really feel I could insist and we had a lovely wedding we both loved, no regrets/issues.

Have had two DC, now ages 2 and 4. I would have liked to get them christened as babies (having godparents for them is something I would have liked) but DH against and again I wasn't bothered enough to push.

Now I feel like I wish we had got them christened. Most of my friends children have been christened (though none seem to attend church regularly). Part of me just likes the idea of godparents but another bit of me has a worry like a what if kind of thing, we're both christened why aren't they!
DH still massively against but yet again it seems to be a thing where the person who doesn't want it gets their way (another example is wanting more kids).

Anyway not sure that makes sense but are your kids christened and if so, do you go to church/mass?

Could you they have non religious guide parents instead?

You can carry out a diy baptism. We were taught how to by the nuns at my Catholic school.
But what are your reasons for wanting a christening?

Surely the right thing to do is to let them decide when they are older?

Could you have a naming day for them and appoint guides for them?

My kids are all Baptised and we all go to church. I've never understood the point otherwise. Why get Baptised into a religion that you don't believe or follow?

What do you stand to gain by seeing your children christened?

Is this a existential / religious worry / actual religious belief about death and needing to be christened or do you just want the party for them? If it's about having godparents, what do you want them do do for you and your children? What will you all gain from this? Can you achieve it another way?

I’d not be upset if my OH wanted our children to be baptised. I think the whole thing is ridiculous, but that means that ai also think there’s no harm in it, as to me it’s a nice cultural event for her where a strange man pours some water on a child’s head.

No. I am enormously anti christening of babies. DS can choose for himself when he is older. I think Original Sin is dreadful emotional blackmail of parents.

2 family members recently had christenings who never go to church and just wanted a family gathering and some nice photos. You can do that yourself.

i think this falls under the ‘you knew how he felt about religion’ category. You’re not religious or looking to practice religion, yourself. So you’d just be upsetting him (and transgressing what may well be extremely strong boundaries) for … what?

If you aren't a church-goer, why do you want them christened? What will that do for them? (other than give you a leg up if trying to get them into a religious school)

Do you believe unbaptisted children can't go to heaven? (Do you even believe in heaven?)

I was baptised because of grandparental pressure. I haven't baptised any of my children because I don't believe in a god. Unless you are a practicing Christian, it's pointless - and quite frankly, disrespectful of the faith - to make a bunch of promises you don't intend to keep.

It's gonna be a small bust-up because he will ask why and you have no answer why you want it.

What is it you like about Godparents?

Wait until they are old enough to decide whether they want to be Christians

Your DH is clearly anti-religion which IMO isn't a bad thing (so I'm bias), you also don't actually seem to be religious and want a christening to have god parents and to fit in not the religious aspects that come along with that. You don't mention currently attending church or if you actually have any religious beliefs whereas your husband is actively against it.

If you don't actually care about the religious aspects then I'd look into something like @Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas suggested. I would never christen my children but could possibly be persuaded to something like that if a a partner felt strongly. I wouldn't be doing anything without the agreement of my partner where religion was involved - it's very personal.

It’s massively hypocritical to baptise children if you’re not actually religious. The fact “everyone else” is doing it doesn’t make it better.

Your husband’s reasons for not getting them christened are clear and consistent with his beliefs. Yours seem vague: you want a godparent and what - feel peer pressure?

Religion is such a bit question that I would take it as a disqualifying factor in looking for a partner. If DH had told me he was not religious but then, once the kids were 4 and 2, decided he wanted to baptise them, I would be feeling very betrayed and pretty pissed off.

It’s ok to believe in god but if you don’t, have some back bone and admit it.

You could have a blessing and then let them make up their own minds when they are older.

Most of my friends kids were christened...even though they never set foot in a church, and arent religious at all. I'm not sure these days that a lot of godparents seem to make an effort in any kind of religious sense.

Surely you can compromise here. Have some kind of ceremony with some kind or non religious godparents? Plenty of people have naming ceremonies etc. Or you get the kids christened without his involvement et

My kids are christened but we are churchgoers (occasional rather than every Sunday). I don't know anyone who isn't religious who got their kids christened.

I would feel very strongly about this as I hate the idea of children being indoctrinated into religion and wish I hadn't been christened myself. Was this ever discussed before children came along?

Actually I think most times it's the parents that do want the christening that get their way, as the other doesn't believe so it doesnt adversely affect them in any way. Unlike having a child which can have a detrimental affect on the family including the children if more children arent wanted.

But on the other hand most people have discussed this before they have kids if they have completely opposing views

If you have supportive family and friends around you, then you have at least the equivalent of godparents already, given that godparents often drift out of children’s lives.

I would leave your children unbaptised and allow them to choose their own faith or none, when they are older. I don’t believe it’s right to impose one’s religious beliefs on children; better to let them find their own spiritual home once they are old enough to know what they believe.

You can still raise them with a strong moral code, but this doesn’t have to be driven by a particular belief. Doing the right thing in life shouldn’t depend on being afraid not to, which is essentially what Judeo-Christian religions come down to.

Let them decide when they’re old enough to understand what it means. Let them choose which religion, if any, they want to be associated with. I’m almost certain most kids would never choose it for themselves since less than half of the population of the UK are Christian (assuming you’re in the UK).

My partner (we're not married) wanted our children christened, I didn't, though I didn't feel massively against it either.

So, they're all christened and he takes them to church every week. They went to a non religious primary and will have the opportunity for a Catholic High School (absolutely no chance otherwise where we are). I don't ever go to church, don't want to and partner has never asked me to. I also didn't go for first communion/confirmation or any other of the things they've been asked to do, and will not be attending anything else they want to do in a church which they wholly understand and accept. Isn't a big deal at all.

You don't even go to mass or bring them so why on earth would you have them christened?

I’d recommend an informal and open-ended chat with your local priest and DH, if he’d agree to that. Just so that everyone that needs to be said can be said in a safe environment. Who knows you might end up on the same page, or make peace with the situation.