To insist DC get christened even though it will cause huge fight in my marriage?

[probabyam]

Before we got married/had kids we didn't really talk about religion much. Neither of us go to church, however both have been christened. I'm Irish so went to a Catholic school and although we didn't really go to church as a family it was part of my life. DH was christened (Protestant) but actively anti any religion/thinks it's all mental.

When we got engaged I liked the idea of a church wedding but he was very against it so as it wasn't as if I attended church I didn't really feel I could insist and we had a lovely wedding we both loved, no regrets/issues.

Have had two DC, now ages 2 and 4. I would have liked to get them christened as babies (having godparents for them is something I would have liked) but DH against and again I wasn't bothered enough to push.

Now I feel like I wish we had got them christened. Most of my friends children have been christened (though none seem to attend church regularly). Part of me just likes the idea of godparents but another bit of me has a worry like a what if kind of thing, we're both christened why aren't they!
DH still massively against but yet again it seems to be a thing where the person who doesn't want it gets their way (another example is wanting more kids).

Anyway not sure that makes sense but are your kids christened and if so, do you go to church/mass?

If a Christening feels too much for your DH what about a thanksgiving service? It’s similar but without any of the promises about raising them in the Christian faith. I’m Anglican and I know this is something most Church of England churches would offer if you asked. Afraid I don’t know about Catholic Churches.

We have 3 dc who we didn't get christened. We go to a Baptist church and had them dedicated, but baptism was up to them. Both dd1 and ds chose to get baptised (the full immersion deal) when they were about 16. At 22 and 20 they still go to our church regularly. Dd2, now 18, thinks it's a load of rubbish so clearly she's not baptised and I'm glad of it as I'd hate her to be connected to something she doesn't care about.

I believe in heaven and wanted my children baptised so that if anything happened to them they would go to heaven

This whole attitude is what gets right under my skin when it comes to organised religion, on the one hand you have a God who is responsible for creating all humans, he is loving and kind and on the other he will refuse a baby entry to heaven if their parents didn't baptise them.

You have possibly the worst reason to get them christened - because every one else is doing it.

I personally find child christening so abhorrent that I would divorce my husband if he did this without my permission. He shares my opinion though so that is extremely unlikely to happen.

If DH insisted on christening our kids I probably would have considered divorce.

^Same, but both of us are on the same page. Neither has moved the goalposts.
Neither me nor DH were christened and we are both very happy that our parents didn't do that to us.

I don't agree to do it becuase my mates that is a terrible reason.
Be true to your beliefs and stick with not doing it as you don't believe in such things.
You can still have guide parents or legally those who can take Care of your kids if anything was to happen to you and your husband.

I suspect the anti-religion husband might object to any religious thing. Whatever it was called.

I'd recommend that you take some time to work out why exactly you want your DC to be 'christened' that is welcomed into a religion which you do not practise.

Whatever the reason, it would be helpful to understand what it is.

Religions tend to control people through a mix of threat of bad things and promise of future good things. If you are still allowing yourself to be controlled in this way, it would be good to be clear about it rather than wish it only your innocent children.

If you just want a party, then the reason is 'I want a party'. Being an adult means owning your choices. First, though, you need to understand your own motivations.

I have thought through my own approach to religions and would not be happy if a partner suddenly wanted to impose some parts when they didn't bother with the rest.

Would you like to start going to church, confession etc regularly. Nothing wrong if that is what you want.

Do you?

Is this about wanting the DC to experience and have fuller access to their cultural heritage? Definitely sounds like there's a bit of that in there, especially if by any chance you're not living in Ireland any more.

The two reasons you’ve given in your OP for getting them christened are that 1) your friends kids are and 2) you like the idea of godparents.

Do you make other parenting decisions based on what others have done or what you perceive to be the right thing to do, regardless of whether it’s a hypocritical move or not?

Your DH has a backbone. He knows what he believes and is is sticking to that. If you are genuinely confused, start going to mass again and then come back to the question In a few months time.

I haven't read the full thread so it's likely this had already been suggested but why don't you just let your children decide for themselves when they are old enough / are adults?

As far as I'm aware there is no age limit on baptism.

Christenings are really all about religion with god parents promising to guide them in that religion. I have seen a couple of threads where people say they want god parents there in case something happens to them and god parents take care of the children. That isn’t what god parents are (unless you follow it up with a legal document). If you were very religious I would understand. FWIW I am catholic and don’t attend church and I would prefer children to choose their own path and religion - I don’t believe babies need to be absolved of original sin, so other than introducing them to the church and attending regularly I don’t see any benefit in christening as babies but would educate them as to the different religions, the common themes etc and let them choose

I had my son christened as a baby and went to church regularly until he was about 12 and decided that he didn't believe in God. It was our choice because we believed and were practicing Christians. You stand up with the god parents and make promises, it is hugely disrespectful to make those promised with no intention of carrying them out.

Have a naming day and choose guides for your children and then let your children decide for them selves as they get older.

If you aren't a church-goer, why do you want them christened? What will that do for them? (other than give you a leg up if trying to get them into a religious school)

It used to be the case that a Catholic school would not accept an unbaptised pupil but I do know that if Church is important then they need to be more than just baptised. I recall just after we returned to the UK and our daughter was coming up for HIgh School the C of E school rang to check if we were church-goers before returning, I had to tell him that our Padre was now on the front line somewhere sandy and he'd have to contact MOD!

No one admits it but most have children done for school reasons. If you are Catholic and there’s a good RC primary school on your doorstep most would have DC baptised. Just a Baptism certificate gets you in our local outstanding RC secondary too.
I’m not catholic, DH is. DC baptised catholic. We attend a few times a year. I used to go to all school masses at primary and attended Parish church regularly and parent classes when she was confirmed/holy communion.

My adult DC recently told me they were grateful we hadn't had them Christened. My DH was fairly keen at the time as it was the "done thing" in his family but I was adamant that religion was a decision for DC later. We're both nominally Kirk of Scotland but neither of us is practising.

I was christened, I have the certificate somewhere, so presumably have Godparents but I have no idea who they are. Probably an auntie and uncle but I don't have a Scoobie which ones, none of my aunties or uncles have ever been referred as anything other than Auntie/Uncle and their name.

Your DC won't miss out on anything, let them decide when they're older.

So your husband is anti-religious and neither of you go to Church, why would you think he'd want to get them baptised?

I was christened as it was what was done at the time - just like going to church even though you didn't believe in God. My parents didn't believe in God - it was just what 'respectable' people did as far as their parents/grandparents were concerned. I was also sent to religious (Catholic) schools and expected to endure a (C of E) service every fortnight with the Guides.

I'm happy that for my generation we don't have to pretend if we don't believe and neither does my DS. He has not been christened - - if when he's older he believes in a God he can go through whichever ceremonies are relevant to that religion and we'll support him.

You wants godparents for them
And you want what other people have

This has nothing to do with religion
Why push for something that has no religious value to you and cause problems in your marriage.
Bizarre really

You might end up with kids that have godparents,but you'll also might be a single parent when you do
😅

Eldest is christened because my husband felt more strongly about it than I did. We both grew up with religion, I've turned my back on it entirely...he just doesn't attend church.

Youngest isn't because there was a lot going on when she was little so we decided when she was old enough to make a choice to ask if she wanted to be. She said no, not interested in attending church and all the trappings so remains unchristended.

It's made zero difference to their lives. They both have adults beside us who dote on them...none of the eldest's godparents are involved any more so that's ended up meaning nothing but a bit of paper.

If you don't attend church it's just a ceremony for show and keeping up appearances IMO.

yet again it seems to be a thing where the person who doesn't want it gets their way (another example is wanting more kids)

Is this the crux of the matter? It's not really the christening that's the issue but that your husband always gets his own way?

Some believe that any baby/person not baptised goes to hell (I don’t). So babies are baptised when tiny, and then “confirmed” when they are older and actively choose to follow that particular faith.

Lots of people who are baptised don’t follow that religion.

DP is catholic and I am not religious.

Honestly I'd christen mine. If you're not religious than it doesn't mean anything, it's just a bit of water on their head. My cousin's were christened and none of them are religious as adults. It really has no bearing on life. But for the religious parent it can be important. Similarly, I'd be happy with a church wedding, it just makes no difference to me even if I don't believe in it. I'd probably lie and say I'm Christian just to get a church wedding, I know DP would want that and I do think they are lovely.

Perhaps you'll just have to wait until they are older and let them decide, if they ask for it....

I'm not christened and I grew up in a Christian sect that has adult baptism (if the adult desires it) rather than infant christening, and I haven't christened my dch, but I do feel s bit sad that they - and i - have never had godparents. They have aunties who would have had legal guardianship if something happened to us before they were 18. It's not the same, but again, godparents if you/they What don't believe is pointless, I think. It's just for show.

What's the point? Why do you want them to have God parents? If you want someone to take care of them should anything happen to you, that's a separate matter to be sorted out with legal documentation, God parents are supposed to be responsible for the spiritual upbringing of the children, but it your husband is so vehemently opposed to religion, surely he doesn't want anyone to have that sort of influence on their lives?