To insist DC get christened even though it will cause huge fight in my marriage?

[probabyam]

Before we got married/had kids we didn't really talk about religion much. Neither of us go to church, however both have been christened. I'm Irish so went to a Catholic school and although we didn't really go to church as a family it was part of my life. DH was christened (Protestant) but actively anti any religion/thinks it's all mental.

When we got engaged I liked the idea of a church wedding but he was very against it so as it wasn't as if I attended church I didn't really feel I could insist and we had a lovely wedding we both loved, no regrets/issues.

Have had two DC, now ages 2 and 4. I would have liked to get them christened as babies (having godparents for them is something I would have liked) but DH against and again I wasn't bothered enough to push.

Now I feel like I wish we had got them christened. Most of my friends children have been christened (though none seem to attend church regularly). Part of me just likes the idea of godparents but another bit of me has a worry like a what if kind of thing, we're both christened why aren't they!
DH still massively against but yet again it seems to be a thing where the person who doesn't want it gets their way (another example is wanting more kids).

Anyway not sure that makes sense but are your kids christened and if so, do you go to church/mass?

Part of me just likes the idea of godparents but another bit of me has a worry like a what if kind of thing, we're both christened why aren't they!

Is the worry that something might happen to both of you leaving orphaned children with no godparents? Or are you worried about your children's religious education? If so, do you think any godparents would really undertake this education?

My OH has legal guardians appointed for his child so that she will be looked after should something awful happen to him. It's written into his will. You could do that.

Or are you hedging your bets that god exists and your children might not get into heaven? In which case, I have no useful advice.

I'm christened, DD isn't. I have no regrets.

I think this is probably true. We live in Ireland and when the kids were communion age everyone would ask if they were excited about doing their communion this year and we'd be eh they are actually heathens so no bouncy castles for us. There is a kind of expectation that you do it and you go through the motions of the other sacraments too for the parties and the bouncy castles.
If dh had wanted to get our children christened and go through all of the other motions it would have been a hard no from me. If my children want to join a religion when they are older they are more than welcome but I don't feel it is our place to indoctrinate them.

My parents are both christened, their parents were religious, us kids aren’t christened and haven’t christened our own kids. I barely know of any christened kids. Only ones I know are done so because of schools. And then their kids come home to their non-religious parents asking all about God etc and the parents don’t know how to answer 😄

This.

My dh is christened as a baby but know NOTHING of religeon and isnt remotely religeous, he doesnt even know what type of church/christianity he was christened into he has to ask me.

I was christened at 10 after I choose to be - I am the only non-Catholic in an Irish Catholic family (NON of my close family actually like being Catholic, most are athiest in belief they just werent given a choice and they hated their strict upbring - Im the most religeous out of them).

I refuse to have my babies christened, what is the point of indoctonating someone into a flock that they know nothing of and dont actively agree too... thats cult behavior.

My DS choose to be baptised at 8 year old... my other 2 can choose whichever religeon (or not) the like of their own free will and journey down that path.

Ours were baptised catholics for 3 reasons -

Family tradition
To please my religious parents
Because we wanted them to go to the (excellent) RC primary

Not remotely important to me on a spiritual level. Having said that, they both got a lot out of their catholic journeys through primary (during which time they went to mass weekly) and both went on to receive their confirmation sacrament despite being at a secular secondary.

As is often the way, neither goes to church now.

Their dad was christened CofE but had never been to church. He wasn't bothered either way. I think most parents get their kids christened for the occasion rather than for any other reason.

My father is Catholic, my mother is Protestant (I am German). Both my brother and I didn‘t get christened when we were toddlers since my parents decided to let us choose our religion if we wanted one at all. My brother and I decided to join the Protestant church and were each christened a couple of days before our confirmation.

I don't understand at all why, in this day and age, people choose a religion for their children, who have no idea what it is or about. I'm with your husband on this one. Don't force it. Let the kids decide when they're older if they want to.

I was baptised as a baby and brought up Northern Irish Presbyterian (so no godparents). I used to 100% believe in god as a child but always thought baptising infants was weird, as it's such a big deal and a personal choice that I think doing it to babies was odd and wrong, and I have always thought the idea of original sin was horrific and wrong and not something a just god would have come up with.

My faith gradually evaporated through biased agnosticism to agnosticism to pretty much atheism. I then met DH, brought up atheist who thinks the whole thing is cultish and odd (even though I was brought up and we now live in the end of NI that doesn't have Bible verses on silage bales). Had a secular wedding and children not baptised.

I think baptising our children would have been wrong on several counts- making liars out of the congregation being a major one.

My children are not christened because I am not religious and my children will decide when they’re older if they wish to follow Christianity or any other religion. I’ve never had a ‘what if’ moment, can you elaborate?

When you say you like the idea of them having godparents, what do you actually mean by that? Godparents are meant to the child's religious and spiritual guide. Is that what you're looking for? Or do you just like the idea of them having a particular set of people who treat them as 'special'? Because you might be disappointed by that - plenty of godparents really don't do any more than turn up at the christening and then treat the kids exactly like everyone else does.

My siblings have been christened and have godparents. I have not been christened and have no godparents. The difference it has made to any of our lives has been literally zero. I genuinely don't think my brother is even aware that his godparents are his godparents! They don't believe in God and neither does he. Nor does anyone else in the family (hence me not being christened - my dad got fed up with the hypocrisy of it).

So if you want your children christened just because you don't want them to 'miss out' somehow, then I really wouldn't bother. If you want your children christened because you really do believe they will go to Hell if they die unbaptised, that's obviously a different matter, of course.

I don't understand why getting children christened is such a big thing for people who are not practising Christians. Most of my friends have had their children baptised, to get into local schools and because it was 'the done thing' . They have never set foot in a church since their baptisms. I really don't understand it. I've had horrified looks from people when I said I was not getting my daughter baptised. Why? The answer is simple- I do not consider myself a Christian and neither is my partner. I cannot promise to raise my DD as a Christian in a church without meaning a word of it!

I was christened but my mum and grandma took me to church regularly until I was 16.
Godparents are not a big deal, OP. I had godparents, my parents best friends at the time. They fell out when I was about 3 and haven't spoken since. I'm pretty sure they would not know me if they fell over me! 😆
You can have guide parents etc.
I think a Christening is just not necessary.

You married a non religious man, what did you expect?

No need to get them Christened. We are Christians but believe in baptism when you're older, so you've made your own decision. We don't believe Christening 'does' anything - your kid is no better off. We 'dedicated' our children - where you make promises to bring them up in the faith (so that they can make an informed decision later in life). We chose 'sponsors' for them - friends who promise to join us in bringing them up/praying for them, etc. But we call them godparents, because it's basically the same thing. Why don't you have some kind of ceremony that you're both happy with - naming/welcoming/whatever you like - and choose friends you trust to be that special positive influence in their life (or whatever it is you like about godparents) and still call them godparents. Nobody's going to pull you up on the fact they're not actually godparents.

Getting your children baptised into a religion you don't even practise seems utterly pointless and frankly quite hypocritical to me.

My dc weren't baptised, neither was I (though dh was). We are all staunch atheists. As such, I'd be mildly irritated if my parents had had me baptised. No more than mildly irritated, because obviously it wouldn't have done me any harm, since I believe it's all nonsense.

As @10HailMarys said, in the vast majority of cases I know where non-religious parents christened their children, the godparents went on to have very little to do with them or at least, nothing more than any of their other friends. I'm christened and my parents couldn't even remember who my godparents were when I asked, they each said someone different. I'm a godparent to my niece and I don't interact with her any more than her other aunt or her uncle.

I’m an American who was raised Catholic. I understand the strong cultural context. It’s part of why I am so adamantly against childhood religious ceremonies of any kind. My own refusal to get confirmed was a very big deal.

My one year old was baptised yesterday, it was a beautiful day with friends and family. His father is quite anti-religion but it meant a lot to me so we went ahead. DS can decide for himself later in life.

It's not fair for him to get the deciding vote on this. It doesn't mean anything if you don't believe, it's just a nice day.

It doesn't mean anything if you don't believe, it's just a nice day.
I wouldn’t have a nice day standing at the front of a church making vows before family, friends and assorted churchgoers that I was committed to raising my child in the Christian faith, knowing that those vows were made in bad faith.

Why do you want them to have god parents? Do you intend to bring them up to be religious?
God parents are there to guide children in the religion and if you aren’t actively practicing there’s honestly no point in doing it.
Personally I’d let your children make their own minds up when they are old enough rather than force it onto to them.

Both my parents are christened. That just seemed to be a bit "what you did" when they were born (mid-50s), but neither my sister nor I are. Both parents were of the view that if either of us wanted to later in life, that was up to us.
Despite both of us going to a fairly high-church C of E primary school, neither of us came out with any faith. I've always vaguely liked the idea of having a faith, but just can't make myself believe. Sister thinks it's all utter tripe.

Could you meet in the middle and do a Humanist naming ceremony? That has all the trappings of a christian baptism, but minus the religion.

I personally think it's massively hypocritical to get children christened unless you go to church or plan to go to a church school.

I was christened as a child with DB in 1970s but we went to church every Sunday at least until I was 10 and I prayed every night. I also went to a convent school for a few years in 1980s. I'm not in touch with any godparents apart from my stepfather and I don't go to church now, I'm not really an atheist but not really a Christian either, haven't made up my mind.

I see quite a few friends who christen their children and really it seems like another excuse for a piss-up and to dress-up. They barely go to church afterwards nor go to church. One family I know did/do go to church and to church schools but the father is Catholic (DB was godfather to the youngest DD).

DB and his DW aren't christening their son, I think his wife (SIL) would like to, but DB doesn't want to. Partly because he attended a Catholic church school (he's not Catholic) and there was definite dodgy behaviour there.

I do think it should be up to the children to decide when they get older.

From learning (not necessarily at school either) of what was done in the name of religion at least in England (reformation etc) I'm actually quite disgusted at how people in the past used to let religion rule their lives.

In your case OP I think you shouldn't get it done, a naming ceremony would be better and maybe a blessing if your DH would allow it.

If I had kids now, no way would they be christened. And no, I don't go to church/mass.

I am religious (my faith fluctuates at points, but so does that of every clergyperson I've ever spoken to about it) and I understand how people get through a religious wedding without believing it - I don't really get why they'd want to if neither of the couple are religious, but it's quite a small part of the vows. I honestly don't get how you get through a christening if you believe none of it - the words you're made to say are so explicit, both in their Christian content and in being presented as solemn vows. I just can't imagine standing up in front of loved ones, or anyone really, and solemnly promising something that I had absolutely no intention of keeping and which I thought was nonsense.

I am a practicing RC but married an agnostic man who did not wish to marry in church ( though he'd been baptised C of E)
We compromised and married in a register office with the understanding any children would be brought up as RC. To give him his due he did take the children to mass when I was working and fully supported First Holy Communion and then confirmation ( though we had separated by this stage)
It worked for us because we made the agreement before we got married
Funnily enough he recently remarried in a church!